ongoing trouble after swinging

[annaandtheking2000]

Hi. Me and my husband have a problem. We are both 33 yrs old have been married 10 years. About 4 yrs ago we ended up in a threesome with a girl who was a friend. She was in a relationship as well. The three of us decided for me and her to do that at her house. My husband started to back out and I went ahead with it against him asking me to stop. As you are obviously shaking your head right now, I already know. I tried to bring her back over and keep it up with my husband but he understandably wanted nothing to do with it. So I stopped. I only went outside of him 1x. But thats all it takes. This was also wayyy out of character for me and I was having some other problems as well. I had recently been put on Effexor xr and was having all the side effects. My husband convinced me to stop taking it and I did and was back to normal in a short time. But the damage was done. We tried to wean away from our friendship with the other couple (she had lied to her boyfriend, he knew nothing of her at our house). A year later they got married and she asked me to be her maid of honor. ha ha. I did it. My husband almost left me. Keep in mind that he is a very sexually active man, and has been up until this, very open with his sexuality and has been outside of our relationship without consent. He never lied and always has felt remorseful. I never lied either and was just trying to play with him. He has not had a day go by since then that this has not messed with his head. We talk about this daily. He feels this is a trust issue for him. I have never felt closer to him. Our marriage is forever. We are all about our relationship. We need to know how to get this out of the way. We both love each other very much and pushed open too many doors. Nobody has gone anywhere without the other since trying to gain trust but this still remains. What to do?

[OverKnight]

I would assume from what I have read, that you have a solid relationship. 10 years is a long time. But let me understand, your husband has had sex outside of your marriage and you went forward with a sexual encounter with another woman?

OK, that seems fair. Do you consider yourselves in a open relationship? Doesn't sound like it, too many secrets. If so, he should get over it. You seem to forgive his adventures, and remorse isn't enough.

I had a long converstation with my wife about cheating and I don't really know what I might do. Some stupid things come up like, "I will rip your balls off." But I know that would never happen. I know if my wife cheated on me, I still couldn't live without her. That being said, being attached to one person is HER biggest fear. So I would imagine she couldn't live without me either. Technically our marriage is the longest relationship either of us has had.

Continuing your friendship with the people you had this "affair" with should not be an issue. I am clearly aware of my wife's past and the people in it. They are still present even to this day. Boyfriends, lovers, fuck buddies, etc. None of them make me worry about my relationship. What we have is unique to us, and cannot be recreated with another partner.

Question is, do you worry about you relationship? Does your husband? Can you open up your relationship? If you can, then you should work together. Move forward as a couple, leaving the rest behind.

Just a thought.

OverKnight