Swinging and threesomes.

[rick181au]

Mostly it’s us guys that suggest either swinging or threesomes to our wife or partners, are their any women out there that have bought up the subject with their husbands or partners and if you have what was the result?

[Dan And Jennifer]

Hi Rick,

Sure, some women do suggest it, but you're right... mostly it's the men who make the initial suggestion. Frankly that's not different from a similar fun fact in our culture today: the man usually asks a woman out. Sure, that's changing as women become more sexually independent, but it is still pretty firm in our culture today.

Something we do often see is that while the man may suggest the threesome or swinging, the woman will often enjoy it just as much, if not more so. In fact we often hear stories of men saying "wow, what have I gotten myself into?" after seeing their wives and girlfriends become very involved and active in their new swinging activities.

Men are more likely to suggest is probably because of the quintessential male fantasy of a threesome with their wife/girlfriend and another woman. That often evolves into swinging with another couple before the woman will agree to it, since there's a lot more perceived safety (and fairness) in another couple; everyone knows who's supposed to be going home with whom after the party is over.

As to why woman don't suggest swinging and threesomes more often, it's probably a societal thing, a relic of times not long gone by, where it wasn't "right" or "proper" for women to focus on sex, to want sex, to talk about sex, and so on. Blah, blah. Remember, it was just 60 years ago or so that women couldn't even legally vote!

Even today, the more judgmental and self righteous will attack a sexually active woman and call her names (definitely a sign of maturity and intelligence) - while these same people will high-five a guy who sleeps with a different woman every night. Not to say one is right or one is wrong, but maintaining a double standard IS wrong. The old "what's good for the goose" thing.

Thankfully we've evolved enough as a society to where women are being treated more-or-less as equals, so they are beginning to assert their sexual independence and their sexual preferences.

In the end, is there anything wrong with the man suggesting it? Pestering the woman when she doesn't' want anything to do with it is one thing, but I don't see anything wrong with the man bringing it up.

OK Guys - passing Rick's question on... any ladies out there suggested this to YOUR man? How did it work out?

[K. in Cleveland]

OK, this may be a little enlightening on my background, but honestly I don't care. This may prove to be interesting for some people, although rather atypical I'm sure.

I didn't have my driver's license until I was 18. I also graduated at 18, and had a decent job. So, I had legal freedom, freedom from my mom, transportation, and money for gas . So I kind of went wild. I had a lot of sex (thankfully even as a horny teenager I was smart enough to use protection) and also started educating myself on the subject. I was trying to find out how to please a man, and really wanted to make men happy. I dabbled in a little bit of BDSM, and had a good amount of vanilla sex as well. I had a couple of "friends with benefits", and one was a guy who's son I drove to a Jr. professional club I was in (details withheld for other's privacy). Well, he and his wife turned out to be swingers. I had a threesome with them on Super Bowl Sunday night after the game, and was amazed (at swinging and that I also liked other girls.) They told me everything I needed to know about open relationships. I was definitely interested, to say the least. It was shortly after this, I was 19, that I met my fiancee (oh yeah, just got engaged Saturday!) He was almost 20 years my senior (hey, that's another subject and I'm already getting a little long here..)
Well, we connected on pretty much every level, especially sexually. And when he cautiously told me he and his ex wife had been swingers in the past, I jumped at this and said "I want to swing with you!" I then proceeded to tell him about the couple I had known, and blah blah blah. Well, within one year we were on the swinging circuit and haven't looked back.

So, yes, I asked him, but he had already done it, and I was kind of a wild child. But, no more than any "jock" on any football team... (double standard..)

OK, so now that you know much more about me than I anticipated, I'll shut up and save some room for the next girl.

[rick181au]

WOW that must have blown him away, there he was broaching the subject as nicely as he can so he would not upset you and you jump in with your reply that “you wont to swing with him”, good for you.

As for “When men talk dirty to women, its sexual harassment. When women talk dirty to men, it's $2.99 a minute”.

If I get undressed with a blind open I am arrested for indecent exposure.
If I see a woman undressing with a blind open and I look then I am arrested for being a pervert!
A guy cannot win, "well maybe except with a woman like you"
.

[K. in Cleveland]

Originally Posted by rick181au

If I get undressed with a blind open I am arrested for indecent exposure.
If I see a woman undressing with a blind open and I look then I am arrested for being a pervert!
A guy cannot win, "well maybe except with a woman like you"
.

LOL, this is true... never thought of that one. It really does show our sexual double standard in our society. It's all so odd.. but, being of the female persuasion I enjoy it occasionally

[donnie in liveoak]

My wife brought it up first, we just had our first one last week and are both on the lookout for our second. By the way it was MFF.

[rick181au]

I gather that your wife and the other woman are Bi in that case it would work out OK, after the wife went with her first ever other guy (I took her cherry when she was 19) after we had been married 15 years we were right into swinging, swapping and the occasional M F M threesome, some of the people we were swinging with were into F M F threesomes and some of the women wanted to get together with my wife, so she decided to try a F M (me) F threesome but she was not turned on at all having sex with the other woman, in fact it was a real turn off for her so it ended up just me and the other woman finishing it off.
To be honest after that failed attempt I am much more in favour of M F M threesomes, I can see that if the F M F would have worked out without the women being involved with each other I naturally would have wanted to spend most of my time with the other woman, and when I was spent what do you do then?
Where as in a M F M threesome I get right off on seeing my wife going with another guy (and she gets off on going with him) and when he has finished I love going silky seconds and by the time I have finished the other guy is ready to go again, and that can go on all night long lol, in fact the last 10 or so years we were into the life style (we were in the life style for 25 + years) we were more so into M F M threesomes
My feelings are that two can go into one a lot more times than one into two if you get what I mean!
PS we have now been married 46 years.

[DaniMarie]

I don't really know how I brought swinging up into our marriage. I do know that I brought many things up...most things in fact. I was a wild child for the year before I met my husband. I had a few threesomes, a fair amount of knowledge, and lots of experience in other areas as well (including a dash of BDSM). My husband wasn't with another woman before he was with me, making me the much more experienced of the two. So, I shared my experiences, shared what I had done and learned, and we talked about it a lot. In fact, we talked about it from the time we got married in September 2005, until fairly recently. The more we talked the more fantasies came out, especially of him and the more excited he got. So, recently he suggested we do something about it and we have. But that's a whole different story...