How do I work through my feelings of insecurity?

[notquitenormal]

my partner & i have enjoyed and are still enjoying a 3+ year relationship. we talk about swinging & have participated on more than one occasion in threesomes both MMF & FFM. i am new to swinging but he has been swinging for quite some time. he is very patient with me when we are discussing or trying new things. my issue is we have only had a FFM threesome twice and both times i have been extremely nervous and end up feeling left out. i should add that these experiences were both with his ex-wife. i ended up feeling like she was there for him and it was just ok for me to be there too. also, to put this delicately, i showed her more attention than she showed me.
he has told me that any woman i am attracted to will be fine with him. i don't know how to approach a woman on that level. i get scared, nervous, and can't think of anything to say when i see a woman that i am attracted to.
i feel like i am not doing my part in our relationship and i would love to change that. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Xero]

For starters you have to tell him how you feel left out in these encounters. This is going to cause you problems with swinging and can damage your relationship drastically. Think or ask him of things you could do to improve this problem.

I think the ex-wife will be like that no matter what so there isn't really much you can do there.(from what I can see)

Finding other people is going to be tricky, thats because not everyone is into swinging. I would suggest asking him for help on this.

[notquitenormal]

thanks for responding. we did talk about how i felt & he suggested that the next time i felt that way just take what i want or be more forward about being involved (hope that makes sense). my fear of feeling the same way the next time we have a FFM threesome is holding me back. there are times i think about a threesome & am very turned on but most of the time when i think about it i just get scared.
i don't relate to women very well and have very few close friends.