Lusting after my husband's friend...Help!

[SheWolf]

My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years. We are very "open minded" people and have "played" with another couple. It was an amazing experience that we both enjoyed and feel we grew closer because of it. Basically we had a foursome that included oral sex (everyone, girl on girl- guy on guy-guy on girl, etc.) and watching each other have sex with the other couple. We never had intercourse with the other couple.

That was a few years back... so considering our open sexuality... it's only natural that curiosity would start up again. Well, it has and I am really confused.

My husband and I have a mutual male friend who is very much a part of our family. We do basically everything together. Family outings, night's out, traveling and he is my husband's business partner. We have been flirtatious from the start. My husband included and egging it on. He kind of just offered me to give this guy head from the moment I met him. Of course he was kidding but that is what opened the door of curiosity and flirtation. Our friend is very open to the idea of swinging with us, but his wife would never go for it. So that has left us as a threesome with the flirting. Now our friend is divorcing his wife and has talked about having a threesome (double penetration) when he is single.

That is my biggest fantasy and am dying to try it. The problem is my husband brought up some fears he has of actually doing DP. He thinks I might start liking our friend more then just a friend since I am very much attracted to him already.

Our friend also flirts with me a little differently when my husband's not around which confuses me. Sometimes he will tell my husband how we flirted alone and other times he doesn't. For example: He said he pecks this one girl he knows on the lips hello... like a sister. He said he wasn't sure if his wife would be ok with it but there's nothing in the peck on the lips with this other girl. So I said oh ok, so you're going to kiss me on the lips when you say hello too right? He said he would so then we walked up to each other as if it were a dare (Of course I chickened out) but I think he would have went for it. So then he started playing with me, every time I would say hello he would act like he was going to kiss me on the lips, well one day I just grabbed him after he faked going in for the kiss and kissed/pecked him on the lips. Just a peck- my husband was in the room but I don't think he saw. I wasn't hiding it but I feel like our friend is. I have been very open and honest about my feeling with my husband. He is a VERY FLIRTATIOUS man... so I don't want to assume I am different but he has said a few things that make me think he might actually be attracted to me more then physically. But it's hard to tell because his ego is SO BIG he will never admit it to me!

How can I figure out if we are lusting after each other or if it's something more on both parts? Also, do you think my husbands fears will become reality if we were to fulfill our threesome fantasy?

[Jasperky]

How often do you think of the friend, and when? That's how to tell whether it's love or more.
And, your husband's fears may well be reality. there's always a chance. Just promise yourself that you'll stay with your husband. That's really all you can do.

[K. in Cleveland]

I see red flags. If you even think you might have feelings for someone beyond friendship or enjoying their sexuality then you shouldn't go for it. Swinging and threesomes should not have any emotional component, that is poly amorous. I'm not saying poly amorous-ism is bad, I just don't think that is what anyone wants in your situation.
As far as the friend, well, you just have to trust your gut instinct because he's the only one who really knows. And always remember to go with your gut, because your heart will lie to you and your brain will try to make logic out of something in which there is none. The gut is the only thing that you can trust.

If you are to do anything, make sure it is as a couple, never alone. Even a simple phone call can lead to mistrust and troubles if it's kept in the dark. Tell him straight out, everything that is said or done when your husband is not present will be brought to your husband's attention. That way there is never any doubt that things are on the up and up.
If I were you, I would leave it at a flirtatious friendship just so there is no chance that anything else could happen. Sometimes people who are divorcing will do things they ordinarily wouldn't, so just be careful.