Curious about being with another woman, hubby approves and wants to watch...should I?

[Lanna in Arizona]

I am pregnant, with raging hormones...and a HUGE sexual appetite! My hubby can barely keep up! lol! We have always been strongly connected in the bedroom.

We've had issues in our relationship, even divorced and remarried. We were both unfaithful, unfortunately. That has stopped and he has pretty much moved forward from it. I, however, had had a harder time getting past it. I was upfront about my actions due to guilt, he, on the other hand, made me believe he was faithful while he was not and continued having extra-marital affairs for over a year, maybe even two. This was YEARS ago! He has only been with me for several years.
But because he lied about it long ago, I sometimes wonder if he could still lie.

This sounds off the wall, but...I have recently been attracted to the femal anatomy and have been honest with my husband about it. He said he always knew it was a part of my character and that one day it would emerge. He isn't opposed to me trying things out a little bit. We've even had some fun talking about it. He wants to be there to watch, but he doesn't want involved at all. He wants me to have fun and thinks it would be sexy to see me get a little "freaky".

It's crazy almost...we have almost been getting along better and my fears have even seemed to subside. I think because while we have surfed the web for "potential parties" he hasn't given the slightest indication that he is attracted to anyone else besides me. It makes me feel safe, somehow, adored... even.

I wonder if my curiosity has sprung from feelings that were already there (I've always found women attractive, have just curbed the curiosity for common sense)...and if maybe somehow...it sub-conciously has offered a way for me to relate to him. Like, if he was attracted to females...i was curious (probably very unhealthy?)...Now, seeing he only wants me, regardless of attractions...will this give me a way to get free from that insecurity and make me feel sexually free.

It makes me feel sexy to think my husband would watch me with another woman and not try to be with her...and that he is supportive of my curiosity without judgement.

What do you think??

[Rachael559]

WOW! Okay first off, I think if you had infidelity issues "ages ago" and you worked through them than GREAT. BUT be really sure you've worked through them, that everyone is on the same page and looking at things from the same perspective. Introducing someone else, even if it's just for one night, tends to complicate things. So long as you both are communicating (("GO COMMUNICATION!!!")) and trusting one another, I think it can be a good thing to share.
One thing that brings up a little bit of a concern is that he DOESN'T seem attracted to any of the women that you're looking at.
Okay you say you are pregnant, that means there is a HUGE rush of hormones, and I do think they affect our attractions to some degree. I also agree with Dan and Jennifer that people aren't "hetero-sexual" or "homo-sexual" or "bi-sexual" people are just sexual. I think ultimately if your feeling really sure of yourself, feeling really trusting of your partner, have really extensively talked it through including some really in depth discussion of what happens if you start or he starts having feelings for someone you include, then you should go for it. Perhaps and I'm just thinking of this now, he's not attracted to any of the others because "he can't keep up" with you even. I'll be curious if that's the case after the baby comes. Ultimately though if he's okay with it and you're okay with it, than a little experimentation isn't a bad thing. I AM curious though if he truly does just want to watch or at some point is he going to want or hope to join in. Something to discuss...
Hugs,
Rachael

[K. in Cleveland]

Well, as far as the sexual attraction to other women, I think Dan and Jennifer put it best... people are just sexual. We're too big on labels like straight, bi, gay and lesbian... people are sexual, period. It's no big deal to be attracted to someone of the same sex... although as a society we for some reason feel female on female is good and male on male is not... I do not subscribe to this... sex is sex, no matter who with (wish safety being a precaution always, of course )

As far as the relationship issues. I can most certainly understand your hesitation on trusting him fully again. That trust was broken, and once broken, it can be very difficult to regain. Having him trust you is good though, and it sounds as if he does. You obviously trust him enough to have remarried. As for the just watching and not joining... well... lol... I think most every man wants to see 2 women together, and usually wants to be with both women also... it's that stereotypical porno fantasy. Would you be offended if he decided he did want to join?
Whenever introducing a new partner to the bedroom you need to be sure to talk. Talk with your hubby before hand. Find out what he feels is too far.. explain limits for both of you.. what can and cannot be done, and where this may or may not lead to. Talk to your new playmate and tell her these rules. Then while playing, if anything is weird or uncomfortable speak up... say so. Then after you'll want to talk it out as well. This all goes for a 3some, 4some, or if it's just you and another woman... feelings and emotions can get in the way and mess things up if they're not communicated.

I think this can be a very fun and potentially relationship building experience for you. If all goes well, you may well find your intimacy level with your husband going beyond what you have ever had.

Good luck and happy sexual explorations!

[Lanna in Arizona]

I just read both of the responses, which brings up some interesting thoughts.
I could NOT deal with him being involved. That might sound SO unfair. For some reason it seems so non-threatening for a girl to be with a girl, but if I were with a guy (which totally not interested in at all, besides my hubby)...that would be a different story.
Like, If he were with a guy and I was watching. It's nowhere close to our desire, but just as an example. I wouldn't want the other dude, it would just be about seeing him be freaky and such.
He comments when a girl we are looking into is attractive, cute, gorgeous, or pretty. He just doesn't seem to really want to try and be with her, just me.
It does fit the cliche' fantasy for most guys, I would imagine. And, I would want him to be honest, if so. But, I can't imagine I would give any more thought to this little fantasy if I thought that's how it would turn out.
I feel like that's beyond my comfort level, to no return.
If we can agree on the terms...maybe it would be fun. But, if not...I don't want to risk losing what we've been able to repair. And I would kill the even slightest consideration of such a thing...if that were the case.

Thanks!

[GeekyJenn]

Lanna you sound soooo like me! I enjoy being with girls but I have issues with that girl being with my guy... or my guy with another girl or even ME with another guy. That is just past my comfort level and i'm trying to figure out WHY. Girls can be very enjoyable. And I guess I am afraid of my guy being "involved" with another girl.

If you were to pursue this interested, I would find someone comfortable. But that is just me too. There are various versions on what kind of person. If you do anything with a friend, then I would be very careful and talk it out fully and try to not allow this sexual experiment to ruin a friendship.

Some guys can just watch. Some guys don't do well with an audience. So you may want to discuss all possibilities with him and draw lines for YOUR comfort and his comfort.