I am man who cheated on his wife for a period of time. I spend everyday regretting my choice. My wife left me after I broke the wrong reationship off. I have been spending everyday trying to fix my marriage. She filed for divorce, and it kills me. I know it's my fault. I am trying to repair it i just wish she would give it time. She found someone 2 weeks after she left and within a week or two of that she said she gave her heart to him. I'm broken and don't know what to do. We have 2 little boys and I Love them too. I would do anything to fix my wrongs and have us back together again. Any suggestions.

I agree with the gentleman who said basically, "it's not God's fault". No, we chose the type of relationships that we learned we fit into. It's called FREE WILL. Some experiences in childhood do lead us into tring to fix something that wasn't there for us. A primary relationship was missing something. Then we continue to see the inner person we think we are and continue to make choices that are familiar, i.e. comfortable. The Bible says, "the heart is treacherous and who can know it.." So our "hearts" can see all the red flags and go head long into misery. Our hearts actually becomes our own enemy. The first marriage of Adam and Eve...was perfect...and they had free will also. OUTSIDE forces were allowed to ruin that marriage and they even blamed God too. "The woman..YOU gave me...", Adam stated "caused me to eat of the tree." Yet it stated, "the woman was totally deceived." So therein lies the mystery. The diferences between what men want and what women want. The curse...? "You will CRAVE your husband and he will DOMINATE you." So therein lays the problem. Inner weaknesses, that cause us to ruin marriages and chose the wrong person, man or woman. If the marriage is over, and Karen has tried everything possible, and counseling didn't happen or work...I ask Karen...WHAT'S LEFT? Learn from your mistake...take more time to know who you are so you can ask yourself if you would be a good mate for the next person...if you don't love yourself...how can you possibly know WHAT is best for you or WHO is best? If we continue making bad choices...don't we have responsibilites in that. The old saying, "It takes two to tango.", is right. Sure one can be the very worst one, the most abusive one...now that it's revealed what that person REALLY is...what else does one need to know?

Get out of the relationship. It doesnt get any better and no matter how much you try if the other person doesnt want to try or change then it wont. Once you loose trust that is is.

She needs to get out of her relationship with S as most people posting have advised. If not for her, then for any children that she might already have or could possibly have in the future. I just got done talking about this on another thread for Dan and Jennifer. Children growing up in a relationship where abuse, mental or physical, (and don't pretend she's not experiencing mental abuse) is prevalent are more likely to experience it in their own lives as adults. Girls are more likely to marry an abusive man and boys are more likely to become abusive as adults. So, if you can't get out for yourself, get out for any children you might have, now or in the future.

Of course you have to leave in you are unhappy in a relationship! Life is too short to waste it. Don't you want to taste something better in it?

I can agree with Giusi about misuse of the Bible. Misuse of it is almost as non-use. In my previous comment I pointed to how slective use of one facet of Jesus teaching was quite misleading, dishonest (from a merely scholarly viewpoint) and potentially could cause much more pain than a full reading might do. For example, the lady is deeply religious, obviously, yet the council given by basically a half-baked approach, detactches here from her deeply held beliefs, thus setting an already guilt plagued person up for even more guilt if she leaves what she has possibly been taught from early ages. Why not show her from within her own core beliefs that Jesus had a lot to say about love between a man and a wife--especially in the area of divorce-- Matt.5 and Matt 19 are especially pertainent. Even a cursory reading would show that she has excellent BIBLICAL grounds for divorce AND remarraige. She could be counciled to look at Paul's advice in Ephesians 5 about the proper relationship between a man and his wife, where the man is charged to love his wife as Christ loved the Church AND LAY DOWN HIS LIFE FOR HER!!!
A brief visit to the crucificion scene points ti the fact that the consequences of the sin of the repentant theif was eath, but Jesus told him "This day yoy will be with me in paradise." The consequences stood, the moral guilt was taken by Jesus. This might lead her to account forgiveness of C of the moral guilt of sin against her, but the consequences of his derelection should stand.
These are a few examples of the soundness of councelling within one's system of belief that potentially could be worked through to resolve her situation ,allow marraige to her real ove, yet leave her attachment to her believe system, and whatever potential comfort it might give her intact.
What folly we commit when we don't consider each heartache situation from a pop-culture position without treating the situation as or the person as a whole.

Tell S to GET OUT ! I stayed in a mentally abusive marriage for 20 years because I was afraid, had no money, six children and no place to go. But I finally walked out that door and never regreted it once (only that I waited sooo long) Life was very hard he would not let me have anything from the house not even for the kids. But I worked two jobs found chairs a TV etc. in good neighborhoods on trash night the kids and I made a game out of it. I drove an old Buick w/ 249,000 miles but I managed to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. After 5 years I met a wonderful man who has exceped the entire package and he treats me like a queen I am very happy and have finally let go of the pain and quilt. But the greatest thing of all I taught my girls not to let anyone to use them as door mats. Run to D you owe nothing to S. Trust me I know

Thank you for this wonderful article, which everybody should read. I had similar experiences and I think that any divorce is better than a bad marriage. I wasted many of my years with a man that cheated me all the time and did not deserve a bit of my love, and religious wrong beliefs prevented me for a long time from taking the only healthy decision: divorce. The so called spiritual counsellors I talked to didn't help at all and only made me feel as I was the problem and I was the one to blame.
Our happiness as human beings is more important to God than any rule and religion in the world. The Bible has been and is still misused and abused to cover somebody's agendas and ideologies, by people that only want to exert power and protect their own interests.

This essay gives no real meaning to the term love! Love is a commitment, a chioce of will. Also, the interpretation of scriptures is entirely lawed and incomplete. If you don't want to quote all of Jesus' pronouncements on love, don't quote Him at all. To advice someone on the basis of partial quotation is dissembling!
What do you do with Jesus saying "No greater love has a man but that he lay dosn his life for his friends." That's a love you never go near, nor from the viewpoint you eswpiuse, can you go near.