SUBSCRIBEHow Soon is Too Soon to Start a New Relationship After a Divorce?
While there’s no real answer to this question, there are some important things to keep in mind.
Many people worry that it’s too soon to have feelings for another person and worry about what their family and friends will say. In reality, you feel what you feel when you feel it, and you’ll know when the time is right. Don’t second guess yourself and don’t let others tell you what you need to be happy.
When you get a divorce, it’s very common to miss the companionship and closeness that you once had. So what can you do?
Most importantly, don’t try to fill that void with the first person that comes along.
And when you do meet someone, take it slow, worry a little less about the future and just go with your feelings today. Don’t focus so much about the end result. Many people agonize about "where the relationship will go", etc. Stop it!
Enjoy your time on the phone. Enjoy going on dates. Just take it day by day. Don’t worry about rushing into another long term relationship, especially since you just came out of a marriage.
I’m sure you’ve heard this: "Give yourself time to heal and get over the divorce." And that is quite true. Otherwise what you may end up doing is going into what everybody calls a rebound relationship, where you end up dating someone who is the complete opposite of your ex-spouse. In time, you’ll find out that just because he or she is the opposite of your ex, they’re not perfect either.
Recognize this type of relationship for what it is and you’ll be fine. It’s OK to spend some time with someone who is the opposite of your ex. It’s like a breath of fresh air. Just don’t get too excited, because rebound relationships normally don’t last. The right person for you is probably somewhere in the middle of what you left and what you’ve just found.
In summary, just take it slow and enjoy it day by. There’s absolutely no need to rush into a serious relationship. You’ve finally got your freedom, so why not take some time to enjoy it?
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Ha this is a very very relevant topic for me.. Thanks.
Great advice … and I can testify to it because I went through this myself about 6-7 years ago. Unfortunately, even though I tried to keep my relationships casual, I met my current wife and fell in love, head over heels, and couldn’t help but get serious about her.
I was thinking that I might get more info from this article. I think that going on your feelings directly after an emotional break up could be bad. I think your head isn’t clear and you end up doing things that are not in the normal realm of who a person is. I have a question in addition to the original topic. I’ve been divorced for several years now. I haven’t been on one serious date. I may have been on 8 dates period. I spend a bunch of time thinking about the end results. If I can’t see the end being good with one girl, than I don’t take them out. It’s kind of like I have learned from my experiences. How can I up the quality of my dates after my divorce?
Hey Kevin,
I feel that you are still focused on the break up, and haven’t completely moved on. That could really be holding you back from finding someone new.
Your best bet is to get out there and meet some people, make some friends (girls), have some fun, and find someone you enjoy spending time with, going on dates with, being with, etc.
Unfortunately you simply can’t have any idea how "it will work out in the long term" with a girl on your first, second, etc. date. All you can know is if you enjoy her company and if you might like to spend time with her. But that in and of itself can be a great thing.
That is likely to develop into a relationship - but you just can’t know until you go through the early phases of dating, courtship, etc.
In short, I would recommend you take it slow and enjoy each date and each day as special and precious in and of itself. That’s what I do.
Enjoy the relationship journey instead of rushing to reach the final outcome.
Hope that helps.
Have an awesome day!
Dan and Jennifer
It’s certainly all relative to your mindset. My ex husband apparently felt ready to begin a new serious relationship before we even finalized our divorce. I, on the other hand, have been very caught up in internal healing and making usre my daughter is going through all of this in a healthy way. My focus is very different and as we approach a year after the finalization, I am still not interested in dating.
I agree with waiting, although if you haven’t been alone it is A difficult concept to accept. Having just gone through a break up (a bad one) with a guy who wasn’t even THROUGH his divorce - I am a shining example of what NOT to do! Since he was the one who made it official, it hurt worse than my divorce did. I know it is mostly because I didn’t give myself a chance to be by myself and not have a guy “with me” all the time.
Right now, I want nothing to do with getting into a relationship and will be so much more careful the next time. Do yourself a favor if you’re reading this, take it slow. It is natural to think ahead, especially if you are a “planner”. You could end up very very hurt.
Good luck
I think the main key is, as you said, to give yourself time to get over it. However, most people I worked with do not realize that. They think a new affair will help them to cope quicker with divorce or break up. Unfortunately that is all too often not the case.
I believe that it’s very important to learn first to live alone. Only then you will be ready for a new fulfilling relationship.
Eddie Corbano
If you are up for it then move on. But just don’t latch onto someone out of desperation. You see that a lot. Also do not use what your ex did to you as ammo. Many people use the opposite sex after divorce because they see them as the enemy. Their are a lot of good people out there. They don’t need to be hurt because your ex left you.
I recently (9 months ago) divorced. I left him in January of 2006 and the divorce was fianl a year later. I went from being married to being single to being engaged in 9 months. It is great for me. I haven’t been happy in a while. I shold have left my ex husband earlier. I am to be married by the end of this year. Your heart will tell you when you are ready to move on if you get serious about someone right after your divorce then do be it. I was married for 14 years and now after a divorce I am getting marriea gain. Life is too short too wory about what others think about your happiness.