Comments on: Should I Divorce My Husband or Stay for the Kids? (Video)

By: smp

smp — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 16:37:56 +0000

I have been there and am now divorced. It all seems overwhelming but before you seperate you must turn over every stone. Here is my advice. (BTW: I don’t think there is a state in the union where you can’t divorce someone if they have been arrested for abusing you.)
I gave it 6 months with counseling and a promise with my husband that we both must do our best to try to make it work. (He couldn’t make it past the 4 month mark.) The evidence must be overwhelming for you and you can’t look back. It CAN’T be about going to someone else. It HAS to be about not living in that situation and exposing your children to disfunction.
At that point the separation took place with the help of a good lawyer.
I never took on another relationship but focused on my relationship with my daughter. I also dated but never when my child was nearby.
My daughter is thriving because I am happy and the attention has been on HER, not my depression, disatisfaction, and the turmoil that was surrounding her when her Dad and I were together.

By: dave

dave — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:24:18 +0000

mmm, let’s see, fights with the husband where he gets physical and trys to kick her out of the car. Meanwhile, she has a physical affair with a drunk 600 miles away who she has “found true love and happiness.” Ok. Girl, you are an enabler, with an obsessive need to be needed and a victem looking for a new place to happen. Best bet — divorce from one (the closet jerk)… run from the other (alcoholic). Settle in to become your own best friend, get counciling, quit selling your self esteem and start a new life of opportunity on your terms. Solitude can be healing and for you it could also mean going trough withdrawls of co-dependancy. But, in the end, you will be lighter and more stable — and that is what your kids need to see. Kids learn not just by teaching — but by observation of their parents. If you want their respect, not pity, then stabalize your life without leaning or absorbing someone else’s.

By: Rich

Rich — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 09:21:59 +0000

Well this is a topic that I see a lot. What I hear from people is 2 ways to deal with the situation.

The problem is that people change and when we change our ideas change as well. Marriage is a agreement that 2 people agree to work together to make there life better. The bonis is the intimacy. Problem is when people change the excitement changes or fades away. There is the ego that plays a part that can destroy a relationship. Owner ship of your partner.

If men can get over themselves and remember the more important things of working together to make there life better then a divorce would not be needed.

Divorce or they could have an agreement that they are no longer a couple skip the Divorce paper work for the state.
If it would make her feel better to have a pice of paper that state they are divorced. This may be a rather unconventional divorce but a break up is harder to do than wearing a brockup t-shirt. This would alow her to see others and him as well but would keep what a marriage is as an agreement that they work together for the better of the family. The children or any family members need not need to know there arrangement to a open marriage. This would only work if both of them could agree to the arrangement.

As for them seeing other people just like any safe place unconventional divorce setup they would have to agree that them seeing others would not be a problem.

There is a side effect to this setup that also has to be agreed by all involved that includes the people they are seeing. That if they feel close again that a intament encounter by them (refering to the Divorces) would not create friction to there new relationship or the people they are seeing.

This sounds like a bad idea but some people stay friends when things are not turned cold and with a 98% divorce rate with
a hight percentage seeing a deficit after lawyers have there cash cow deivorce will be the last thing you will want to do again. You started a family as a team you just have to now be a unconventional family but thats ok they after all work.

By: EM

EM — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 14:05:32 +0000

I am a mother with 3 children and my husband left in November. One of my children is disabled. At first he said he just didn’t love me anymore and later I found out he was talking to an old friend from high school. This is the second time he has left for an emotional affair. Looking back I see where we both made mistakes but more clearly I see where he was working on another relationship instead of working on ours. Your comment it is “unfair” to me to be in this loveless relationship sounds a bit “selfish” and you try to justify the feelings when you say it is “unfair” to him as well. Feelings of love come and go and if you are mature you will work on bringing love forth more often rather than seeking for them elsewhere. Anyone that seeks “romance” on the outside is looking for the same “instant high” a drug brings-but eventually you will need to put forth the work in this new relationship as well. Why not do the work now? I think you should seek help not another relationship or substance. Then you can earn your divorce and walk away with your self-esteem and ego that you tried everything and did not take the easy way out. That is the greatest lesson you can model for your children. Someday let us all hope we will not be wondering why the children of today are the irresponsible, selfish children of tomorrow led by example.

By: Beverly Pouncy

Beverly Pouncy — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 17:19:16 +0000

The comments given by Devon, are the way it should be, too many people put self first and are always looking for excitment and not love. Love is patient, love is kind and love is not selfish. Let’s put the children first for a change in todays world. You might see a difference in many of our children if they were not made to think (Daddy or Mommy) didn’t love me enough to want to stay and love and protect me. Weekend parents are just not good at parenting.

By: Mark

Mark — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 03:59:18 +0000

Stay with your husband! You made a commitment, stick to it. Are you investing in the relationship, talking to each other, working on that special friendship that only comes with time? When a couple say: “For better or for worse” it should mean that when the “worse” comes, they weather through it.

As for the kids. Well, that’s the whole point of marriage? I mean from an evolutionary point of view, that’s why we stick together in the first place. That is what builds a strong community, a strong society.

Yes, the kids will be very hurt if you leave. They will blame themselves. Life is not about lurching from one thrill (infatuation with another man) to another. You need to work at life. It’s hard. Be grateful that you are not struggling for your next meal, like most of the world’s population. Settle down, put your own insecurities and fantasies in a box somewhere and work to make your relationship good again.

For the sake of your kids, for the sake of your family, for the sake of your country and for your sake. Because, if you stick it out and work at your marriage, you will be the one to gain. If you leave him for a drunkard, you will face the consequences.

By: Dan and Jennifer

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 21:34:21 +0000

Hi Devon.

Thanks for the great comment. While I do agree that we should all grow up and that love is not happiness – they are two very different emotions…

Here’s my question(s)…

You say that “Doing the right thing is always what love would do.”

Who determines what is right?
Should we always do what’s right for others rather than what’s right for us as individuals?
Is what’s right for one person, also right for everyone else?

This is something that we talk about all the time and I would love to hear you thoughts because you were able to present your perspective without attacking anyone else in the discussion.

Please don’t think I’m attacking you… Your response just got me thinking and questioning.

By: DevonC

DevonC — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 20:02:14 +0000

Staying together for the kids is the right thing to do. The courts will ravage both of your finances for the sake of the kids and ruin their chances of having a solid family foundation mentally and emotionally.
Your happiness was chosen when you made your promise to love. Love is not a feeling of happiness.
Doing the right thing is always what love would do. Even if it hurts, allot. Love is not selfish.
The children usually have to see counselors and/or therapists because of numerous selfish actions of parents who give up cause heartache in the family.
While not condoning abuse, that word is used for every form of discomfort in a marriage.
Immaturity is the “un-happy” part of most bad marriages.
Love is a long-term choice and commitment to something bigger than yourself. Your parents probably didn’t teach you this.

Can we just grow up?

By: mike

mike — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 08:05:26 +0000

This is why so many people are refusing to get married now. I’m not an expert. But from what I have observed one person is usually at fault a lot more than the other. One usually takes the other for granted in various ways. Certain people pass off most of the parental responsibilites on the other, or put their needs ahead of their partners. Or just flat out let their physical appearance slide once they have become married. Whatever the reason may be, things seem to end bad. If you are unhappy then address the issue with your spouse. Don’t let it slide, but don’t nitpick either. Use common sense and address the real issue that is affecting your relationship. Not trivial things. As far as cheating. People need to wake up. The person trying to cheat with you is going to con you. They will make you think things will never be like with them. Truthfully many of the problems you have with your current spouse, you’ll probably have with them. Believe me guys know how to say what a woman wants to hear so they can have some fun. Do not stay married for the kids sake.

By: Brandon

Brandon — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 02:57:46 +0000

I really think that this women should not have cheated on him. When you cheat….its obvious that you dont care about your kids either. What I dont understand is if you have already cheated and your planning on meeting this guy again…why ask yourself the question of whether or not you need to stay in this for the kids. The kids are innocent in this situation. And if u was my wife and I found out about this I would divorce you as quick as the law would let me. Also, if you do end up leaving and get hitched with this “drunk” (which I think is rediculous, you dont know how drunks really act, they could be very abusive), if I was the father I would take you to court for full custody of these kids because if your living in the house with a drunk so to speak, then I would have that as proof of an unfit household because of an alcoholic living in the house. Thats just me and I have no sympathy for this woman. Also, the comment made about the half of kid being a dog or something, well buddy did you ever think that she could be pregnant. Very rude statement about the paraplegic kid as well. Hope the father finds out quick about this and makes the right move!!!!!!!!!

By: Katy G

Katy G — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:12:15 +0000

Tt’s time to move on to someone else. It’s not healthy for you or either of your children to stay together for their sake. If you’re looking for additional help on this sort of topic, I suggest you visit – http://www.shouldidivorcehim.com. I have found it to be quite helpful!

By: Sharon Olsen

Sharon Olsen — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:24:50 +0000

I am also contemplating divorce and have 3 kids. No my husband or I aren’t having affairs but have fallen out of love some how.I too feel like roomates and are playing house. Can you ever get that love back?

By: Angie

Angie — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 21:34:30 +0000

It makes you stop and ponder, though, why so many people DO stay together for the kids. My parents did and it actually shielded me from a lot of the pain I was not ready to deal with at a young age. They divorced when I was in college and I was more cognitively able to understand the issues.

My ex left when my daughter was 2. Talk about a mess. The poor kid is so confused.

By: Jeff Kee

Jeff Kee — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 05:07:59 +0000

HAHA the 2.5 kids part made me laugh… What’s half a kid, a dog? Or a paraplegic kid? .. OK that was a terrible cruel joke.

I’m in support of the divorce.. of course in an ideal world people wont’ rush into these marriages that don’t last but oh well. The kids will have to learn the word “Hardship” at some point as I did when I was 17. Even at 17 it was hard to deal with at first but you get used to it adn one day it’s all OK.