The Question: Last year Jim and I dated for a month then broke up. We’ve known each other for 4 years and after the break up last year we still remained friends. And then, this year in April we got back together again but he broke up with me about a month ago. He said he never wants to see or speak to me. Please tell me why he suddenly doesn’t want to be friends? Please help me because I need to know this to get over him.

The Answer:

There are many reasons why he may no longer want to be friends.

Here are some possible reasons why some find it difficult to stay friends after a breakup…

1. He may need time to heal emotionally. It could be painful to see you.
2. He may be seeing someone else and fears that being friends with you may jeopardize his new relationship.
3. If the breakup was difficult, he may be angry at you and need some time to cool off.
4. Being around you may bring up emotions and feelings that he’s trying to suppress.

It could be one of these or a hundred other different reasons and you’ll make yourself crazy trying to guess what that reason is. In the end, the ‘why’ doesn’t really matter because it’s an emotional decision, not a logical decision. When we try to identify the ‘why’, what we’re really doing is trying to come up with a logical explanation for an emotional decision. If you stop and think about this for just a moment, you’ll see why it doesn’t make sense to even try. So whatever the reasons, he’s decided that the two of you can’t be together and you need to face that and move forward with your life.

If you continue to try to figure it out, you’ll just end up blaming and finding all kinds of faults with yourself, which will in turn make you miserable. If you keep pushing him, you could end up spoiling any chance of a future friendship.

So STOP! Yes, right now. It’s time for you to move on with your life and find happiness.

One of the best ways to get over the pain of a relationship that has ended is to get back out there and date some new people – find that connection again.

Contrary to what some people think, we don’t believe it’s necessary to be miserable and alone for a certain period of time after a breakup just to avoid the rebound zone. Being lonely and alone won’t make you or anyone else happy. It’s almost like punishing yourself for no reason.

But what about these rebound relationships that we’re always hearing about? Don’t people warn you to stay away from rebound relationships?

Well, yes and no. Just be aware that when you break up with someone it’s very common to find someone that’s the exact opposite of the last person you were with. More specifically, the exact opposite of whatever you think didn’t like about your previous partner. This is good and bad. It’s good because experiencing many different types of people and relationships allows you to better identify the exact type of person who is really right for you. It’s bad because, this new ‘opposite’ person may also be opposite in all of the things that you actually liked about your previous partner. Just keep this in mind as you find yourself attracted to new people. Stop and ask yourself what it is that you like about him or her and make sure that it’s not just that they are ‘not’ like your previous partner.

By the way, if you do prefer to be alone for a while that’s OK too. It’s your life; you make the rules. Do what feels right in your heart.

Trying to figure out why your last relationship ended isn’t going to help you, it’s only going to make you miserable. So, keep an open mind, call up some friends, and go meet some new people. Listen to the advice of those you trust most and then always, always follow your heart even if it goes against their advice. You are in control of your destiny and what’s right for them may not be what’s right for you.