SUBSCRIBEFriends After Break Up… Why Won’t He Return My Calls?
The Question: Last year Jim and I dated for a month then broke up. We’ve known each other for 4 years and after the break up last year we still remained friends. And then, this year in April we got back together again but he broke up with me about a month ago. He said he never wants to see or speak to me. Please tell me why he suddenly doesn’t want to be friends? Please help me because I need to know this to get over him.
The Answer:
There are many reasons why he may no longer want to be friends.
Here are some possible reasons why some find it difficult to stay friends after a breakup…
- He may need time to heal emotionally. It could be painful to see you.
- He may be seeing someone else and fears that being friends with you may jeopardize his new relationship.
- If the breakup was difficult, he may be angry at you and need some time to cool off.
- Being around you may bring up emotions and feelings that he’s trying to suppress.
It could be one of these or a hundred other different reasons and you’ll make yourself crazy trying to guess what that reason is. In the end, the ‘why’ doesn’t really matter because it’s an emotional decision, not a logical decision. When we try to identify the ‘why’, what we’re really doing is trying to come up with a logical explanation for an emotional decision. If you stop and think about this for just a moment, you’ll see why it doesn’t make sense to even try. So whatever the reasons, he’s decided that the two of you can’t be together and you need to face that and move forward with your life.
If you continue to try to figure it out, you’ll just end up blaming and finding all kinds of faults with yourself, which will in turn make you miserable. If you keep pushing him, you could end up spoiling any chance of a future friendship.
So STOP! Yes, right now. It’s time for you to move on with your life and find happiness.
One of the best ways to get over the pain of a relationship that has ended is to get back out there and date some new people - find that connection again.
Contrary to what some people think, we don’t believe it’s necessary to be miserable and alone for a certain period of time after a breakup just to avoid the rebound zone. Being lonely and alone won’t make you or anyone else happy. It’s almost like punishing yourself for no reason.
But what about these rebound relationships that we’re always hearing about? Don’t people warn you to stay away from rebound relationships?
Well, yes and no. Just be aware that when you break up with someone it’s very common to find someone that’s the exact opposite of the last person you were with. More specifically, the exact opposite of whatever you think didn’t like about your previous partner. This is good and bad. It’s good because experiencing many different types of people and relationships allows you to better identify the exact type of person who is really right for you. It’s bad because, this new ‘opposite’ person may also be opposite in all of the things that you actually liked about your previous partner. Just keep this in mind as you find yourself attracted to new people. Stop and ask yourself what it is that you like about him or her and make sure that it’s not just that they are ‘not’ like your previous partner.
By the way, if you do prefer to be alone for a while that’s OK too. It’s your life; you make the rules. Do what feels right in your heart.
Trying to figure out why your last relationship ended isn’t going to help you, it’s only going to make you miserable. So, keep an open mind, call up some friends, and go meet some new people. Listen to the advice of those you trust most and then always, always follow your heart even if it goes against their advice. You are in control of your destiny and what’s right for them may not be what’s right for you.
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Depends on how it ended or how it came to that point, he could be angry with you. i have a woman who i loved deeply at one point but because of the things she did to me i absolutely hate her now although I tried not to.
It’s also a natural emotion just like love and shit happens. You trying to be sweet to him and get into that “friendship” zone does not work and it makes things worse. My ex realizes that too now (hopefully) after torturing me for so long.. that’s all I gotta say.
Just drop it and let him be happy. Handle your issues and emotional needs on your own, don’t try to force him to take a burden for you.
Hey Jeff,
That’s great. Thanks for sharing that insight from your own relationship and giving her another perspective.
Have an awesome day!
Dan
This is a few days after your hurt…sorry..Jeff..I hope we aint talkin’ about the same woman??LOL… For the girl wondering why he doesn’t return yr calls…. I believe the pain in the beginning is unbearable due to the fact that our expectations far out weigh the reality of the relationship or lack of one! I have learned so much about myself in this relationship and that really is all that matters, i believe we keep going through the crap until we learn the lesson we are supposed too!! why would you want to be friends with someone you are just going to look at and have negative emotions, thinking to yrself why did you break up with me? Why did you like more about her than me..All you are doing is truly punishing yrself..Do you really care anyway..WHY?? I know i don’t anymore! He lost a friend a true friend, it is his loss, when he calls in a few months ..and he will if he hasn’t already, don’t talk to him just ignore him, yhere are plenty of good healthy people out there that will value you and your friendship, look for that..not the LIE!!!!!!!
I am going through the same thing. The worst part is that we go to college together, are taking a class together, and he did it right before finals. Now since he refuses to talk to me and has basically vanished (never around school, library, etc), the exam will be the first time I’ll have seen him since he broke up with me, and so for me it’s turned the exam into this huge emotionally charged thing because of it, and really messing up my ability to focus on learning what I need to learn. This was a long-term relationship that I thought had marriage potential, and all of a sudden he decided he wasn’t in love with me anymore - not because of a fight, or someone else, but because I’m not ‘the one.’ Obviously I’m devastated. But my ex, just like your ex, is a complete xxxxx. Only xxxxx go out of their way to hurt someone more than is necessary. Instead of making you suffer a loss he’s making you suffer a death instead. Listen to me - xxxx HIM. All this ‘understand how he feels’ stuff is garbage. He’s not talking to you because he’s trying to hurt you. Don’t ever talk to him again. He’ll get his in the end.
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend after a year and a half. He clamied he loved me soo much and was very “clingy”. I always liked my own space. The minute we got into a fight or I didn’t show him the love he needed he’d act as if it was the end of the world. I found out he cheated on me, one time before. Thats kinda what made things worse for me. Now 3 days after the “real” break up I found out he had already been seeing another girl. And now that I have seen him with her he won’t call and claims he has moved on. I myself won’t call him ever but I did go to see him that day to possibly work something out. I have excepted that I will never look back but I think about him all the time and miss our friendship. And what Im tring to understand is, why he is with a new girl so quick. It just makes me think this guy has a problem with himself?
Hi
I ended my relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months as i felt totally unloved and not attractive, i thought he would come running but he didnt, so i called and texted and nothing….he never returned my calls etc, we met up last night and he said i had hurt him too much by finishing it he resented me.
We ended up having a nice time (no sex) and i felt happy that we were friends, but this morning i texted him saying i loved him and he has ignored me all over again- i have texted him saying i am very upset and he hasnt even called to see if i am ok- i am s strong independant mother of one with a fantastic job etc so why i am crumbling when some guy who said he loved clearly doesnt.
I cant last even oine day without texting him but know i have to stop all contact i am miserable and my focus is not on work-
help
Hi,
My daughter had been in a relationship with a man for 5 years. They broke up last December and she wound up pregnant (he thinks by someone else). They remained friends because she, along with the rest of our family, helped raise his 5 year old daughter.
Now that he’s in a new relationship, his new girlfriend won’t let his daughter see any of us because we’re not “blood” and she doesn’t do ex girlfriends. Subsequently, she has made him give up many friends as well.
How do we make him see that these decisions are hurting his daughter?
Hi I broke up with someone i thought was a friend for over 20yrs he will not answer my emails or letters just said I won’t be contacting you again he did this over the phone i very hurt and upset and i just wish he would give me a chance to explain myself in person to him but he won’t do that he just ignores me why is it men just ignor you our bust up was over a very silly matter that i will admit was my fault but i don’t think he really had to crucify me the way he did by cutting off all contact with me. i can’t believe you can be friends for so long then just end it without a care.
we are common law , over seven years , we have known each other most of our adult life . Friday 11/30 was it the big throw you out break up fight . and today is my bday . Got a call at 12;00 am didn’t answer , but listened to the message” happy birthday bitchass”. I am thinking wtf but i will not call … today is almost over , It was a very lonely lonely day , at one point i smelled his left clothes , I got lost in the moment .. My heart is broken , no pain no gain , seems so cruel right now… will he come back ? only time will tell
I have been divorced for 3 years and my ex & I have remained friendly. We live in different states and there are no children so things have been pretty easy. We use to talk all the time but now that time has passed we talk less often. We do not ask each other about other relationships and he sometimes ask if I will be traveling his way or would I like to take a trip, etc.. I have started a new relationship that is going very well and I need/want to tell my ex but just do not know how to tell him. I do not think he would be shocked but it is an end to something we had and I want to be candid without being insensitive. Any suggestions would be welcome. Maybe I am just over thinking the obvious.