Finding out that your partner is cheating is hard – what can be even more difficult is suspecting your partner of cheating, especially if all the signs of infidelity are there, but never actually getting a firm, concrete answer one way or the other. How can you find out your partner is cheating for sure, and how can you fix your relationship if they are?

Question: A week ago I caught my wife flirting with another man on text. She tells me that she never touched another man, but I somewhat don’t believe her. Can I trust her not to do it again? This was her first time in a 5 year marriage. She has a new job and works tons of overtime. She recently started going to the gym and changed from thongs to boy shorts. Should I question her more about another man or are the new changes just something new?

–YouTube Viewer

Changes In Your Partner’s Routine

Any partner that suddenly makes a number of changes in their normal routine and grooming habits – whether it’s a guy or a girl – could be cheating. If your partner suddenly changes their hair, the way they dress, or starts changing their daily habits (such as starting to stay at work late on a regular basis) could be trying to impress someone and chances are, it’s not you. While this doesn’t necessarily amount to “evidence” against your partner, this type of behavior certainly raises some red flags for infidelity.

Changes In The Relationship

What should you do if you suspect your partner is cheating? Think about what you want to do – if you accuse your partner of cheating, with or without substantial evidence, you’ll likely get a denial and you may even get dumped regardless of whether they’re actually having an affair or not. Are you ready for it to be over? If not, avoid a confrontation at all costs. Think about where the weak points are in your relationship. Are you giving your partner enough attention? Are you complimenting them and doing things they like to do? A big reason that both men and women cheat on their partners is that they’re not getting something they need out of that relationship – so they start getting it from somewhere else. Try to find what your partner isn’t getting and start being the one to give it.

Consider Counseling

Relationshp counseling is a great way to help repair a broken relationship after infidelity, but it only helps if you and your partner are in the counselor’s office for the right reasons. Going in to accuse your partner of cheating and trying to “fix” them isn’t going to work, it’s going to backfire in a very bad way. Remember, there is an underlying reason for your partner’s infidelity and while it shouldn’t be considered an “excuse” or a way for them to blame you, it needs to be considered a factor in what happened. Work with a counselor to repair what went wrong in the relationship instead of placing blame, and work with them to find ways to give your partner what they need in the relationship while getting what you need in return.