A Funny Valentine’s Story

Since we’re taking a trip down memory lane, let me tell you about one of my favorite Valentine’s Days. It was the year I opened my bar in New York City, and I was broke. Let me tell you . . . opening a bar on 28th? I had no right to do that.

So it was Valentine’s Day, I only had a few bucks, and I had to get my then girlfriend a Valentine’s gift. So I’m walking down the street and see a guy selling stuffed animal bears out of a garbage bag. I asked him how much they were, and he said a couple bucks. Since that was about all I had, I said “I’ll take it!”

I was so proud of my purchase – the bear was white and really cute. So I walk in the door with the bear behind my back and said “Happy Valentine’s Day baby! Look what I found on the way home!!”

As I’m still holding the bear behind my back, my golden retriever Jessie grabs it out of my hand in one violent motion. So I said “Jessie drop it!” She did, but she kept her eyes fixated on it. So my girlfriend Jessie (God, I’m sounding like Dr. Bob now) grabbed the bear and hugged it.

All of a sudden her face contorted and she got a look of disgust on her face. I said “What’s wrong?” She answered (holding the bear toward me) “Smell this!” Meanwhile the golden retriever’s tail is going 100 mph. I took a whiff of the bear and said “It sort of smells like the zoo.”

We made the joint (and quite easy) decision at that point to give the bear to my dog Jessie, who loved “yellow bear” until the day she died. To this day, we have no idea what animal marked that bear. We had a good laugh about it, made some dinner, and created a nice Valentine’s Day memory.

Create Your Own Valentine’s Day Memories

Now I’m not telling you to find an animal, have it pee on a stuffed animal, and then give it to somebody. What I am suggesting, however, is for you to get one of those 50-count boxes of kids’ Valentine’s cards and bring them home tonight so that your sweetheart can open up every single one of them.

You could even buy her a bag of those seventeen year old dusty heart candies with such magical phrases as “Be Mine” on them. Sometimes the “M” looked like an “N,” though, so the candy looked like it read “Be Nine” and thinking you were playing Battleship yelling “B9!”

So you see, I really don’t hate Valentine’s Day. I just think it’s more fun to be creative than to make a reservation at a restaurant. So if anyone wants to “Be Mine” for Valentine’s Day, I’ll be here.

Now let me ask all of you one question. What was your favorite Valentine’s Day and why?

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