Talk is Cheap - What Does it Really Mean to Tell Someone “I Love You”?

My husband hates it when I leave crumbs on the counter after I fix my breakfast, so I try to make a conscious effort to wipe off the counter before I leave for work.  I hate it when he leaves his socks on the bedroom floor, so he consciously makes the effort to toss them in the laundry when he undresses.  These are the microscopic ways we show each other, through our actions, that we love each other.

When our partner first walks through the door at the end of the day, if we greet them with a hug and a kiss and ask them about their day, they feel welcomed.  If our partner does something beyond our expectations we feel loved.  Yesterday I asked my husband to check on the peas that were warming in the microwave, he did, but noticed that the inside of the microwave was dirty. He took out the peas, pulled out the turntable, washed it off and wiped out the inside of the microwave.  I just gave him a big hug.  I felt loved and cared for and wanted him to know how appreciated he was.  Both his actions and my reactions were a way of turning our love into an action.

Discovering what makes our partner feel loved is a lifetime job.  What they need from day to day, from year to year, changes.  By paying attention to what is going on with them, and asking them what makes them feel loved we can take intentional actions to help them feel our love.  The reward is not only a happy mate, but they will see how our actions make them feel, and will want us to feel the same way in return.

Our job then is to let our partner know what makes us feel loved, and let them know we appreciate the things they do that help us feel their love.  When we communicate fully what we need and that we appreciate it; then we are also taking loving action.  How can our partner know what we need unless we tell them? It is often hard for men to ask what we need and they think they are supposed to just know, but unless they are mind readers, they can’t possibly know. 

Tonight, tell your partner some of the things they do that make you feel loved. Then ask your partner to tell you three or four things that you can do for them that will help them to feel loved and cared for by you.  Let them know that you will try to do these things for them, but not to expect it or ask you about it, just to notice when you do.  Then tell your partner what they can do to show their love to you. 

Over time, if you continue to communicate what feels loving to you and your partner does the same, your intimacy level will increase.  Your sense of being cared for and loved will provide a kind of healing base that can allow you to accomplish more than you ever dreamed possible.  Love as an action can do that for you.

Featured Author, Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT is the author of "Cycles of the Heart: A way out of the egocentrism of everyday life", speaker,  workshop presenter and counselor. She is also a Certified Radix Practitioner, Right Use of Power Teacher and InterPlay Teacher. Melody’s 19 years work with individuals, couples and families has provided her with a unique approach to solving clients’ problems. 

To find out more about InterPlay and "Cycles of the Heart" go to www.melodybrooke.com.