The Question: While on holiday during the Christmas break, I met a wonderful man.  We had a great time together and are trying to make a go of a relationship.  But we live in separate countries and if I’m really honest, I’m finding it quite the challenge. 

Can you offer any advice on how to make a proper go at a long distance relationship?

The Answer: Long distance relationships can be quite a challenge. The most important advice that I have to offer is that if you’re going to attempt a long distance relationship, be completely honest with each other about your expectations, make sure that you live your own life when your apart, and check your jealousy at the door.

It’s very important to keep your own friends and social circle and that you don’t sit by the phone waiting for him to call.  That’s the quickest way to go mad. Trust me; I dated a guy in the military who was stationed in Iraq. I lived by the phone for several months and was completely miserable the entire time.

The other thing that can kill a log distance relationship is jealousy. If you’re constantly worried about what he’s doing or who he’s with, again, you’ll drive yourself mad.

Recognize that we are social beings and we all crave companionship and closeness with another human being. Is it really reasonable to ask either of you to remain exclusive, when you’re so far apart? To ask each other to be lonely and miserable when you aren’t together?

Many people will disagree with me, but I don’t feel that a long distance relationship should be exclusive. You’re only setting each other up to fail or to at least be lonely. When you’re ready to truly be exclusive with one another – move closer so that you can really be together.

Lastly, be completely honest with one another in a compassionate and empathetic way. Tell the truth about how you’re feeling, but make it about how you’re feeling, not what the other person is or is not doing. Remember, you are the only one responsible for your feelings and your actions. No one else can make you feel a certain way or behave in a certain way.

Hope this helps.

In summary:

If you want to have a successful long distance relationship,

• Keep your own friends and social circle
• Check your jealousy at the door
• Be completely honest about your expectations and feelings

Take a few minutes to read our answer to a very similar question that we received about long distance relationships.

Long Distance Relationships – Can They Really Work?