Are You Really In Love Or Just Wearing Blinders?
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What is a âFanâ?
A "fan" is someone who sees something in someone else that they admire and to which they are overwhelmingly drawn.
They see the object of their admiration as someone who is above the rest of us.
The word âfanâ comes from the word âfanaticâ, which means a person who expresses âextreme zeal, piety, etc.; goes beyond what is reasonable; zealotâ (according to yourdictionary.com)
What is a zealot?
Being a zealot âimplies extreme or excessive devotion to a cause and vehement activity in its supportâ (again, from yourdictionary.com).
What is the Difference Between Being a "Fanâ (i.e. Zealot) and Being âIn Loveâ?
According to freedictionary.com being "in love" means âdeeply or passionately enamoredâ.
So what does âenamoredâ mean?
Freedictionary.com says it’s âfoolish or unreasoning fondnessâ. Hmm, sounds a lot like âexcessive devotionâ doesnât it? In fact, one of the words used to describe âdevotionâ is âzealâ!
One of the things Iâve learned about âfansâ from clients who are public figures is that âfansâ cannot see the object of their zeal as human beings. Fans tend to project attributes to the object of their zeal that are super human. They expect the object of their zeal to be perfect and incapable of anything less than kind, loving, mature, and âgodlikeâ behavior.
So if being a fan is identical to being âin loveâ, what does that say about the âin loveâ state?
When we are âin loveâ we are really incapable of seeing the object of our âexcessive devotionâ as anything less than perfect. We attribute them with âgodlikeâ qualities, just like a fan does. We expect them to be everything we need them to be.
We expect them to live up to our every expectation and display superhuman qualities. We blind ourselves to their imperfections or we dismiss them as unimportant. Our tendency is to see the object of our âexcessive devotionâ with eyes that filter out their flaws.
Have you ever known someone who was âin loveâ with someone that you could clearly see was bad news? Their âexcessive devotionâ prevented them from being able to clearly see the other person.
What then is the impact this has on our ârelationshipâ with the object of our âexcessive devotionâ?… Continued on next page >>
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how do you know if you are in love