Are You Really In Love Or Just Wearing Blinders?

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What is a “Fan”?

A "fan" is someone who sees something in someone else that they admire and to which they are overwhelmingly drawn.

They see the object of their admiration as someone who is above the rest of us.

The word “fan” comes from the word “fanatic”, which means a person who expresses “extreme zeal, piety, etc.; goes beyond what is reasonable; zealot” (according to yourdictionary.com)

What is a zealot?

Being a zealot “implies extreme or excessive devotion to a cause and vehement activity in its support” (again, from yourdictionary.com).

What is the Difference Between Being a "Fan” (i.e. Zealot) and Being “In Love”?

According to freedictionary.com being "in love" means “deeply or passionately enamored”.

So what does “enamored” mean?

Freedictionary.com says it’s “foolish or unreasoning fondness”. Hmm, sounds a lot like “excessive devotion” doesn’t it? In fact, one of the words used to describe “devotion” is “zeal”!

One of the things I’ve learned about “fans” from clients who are public figures is that “fans” cannot see the object of their zeal as human beings. Fans tend to project attributes to the object of their zeal that are super human. They expect the object of their zeal to be perfect and incapable of anything less than kind, loving, mature, and “godlike” behavior.

So if being a fan is identical to being “in love”, what does that say about the “in love” state?

When we are “in love” we are really incapable of seeing the object of our “excessive devotion” as anything less than perfect. We attribute them with “godlike” qualities, just like a fan does. We expect them to be everything we need them to be.

We expect them to live up to our every expectation and display superhuman qualities. We blind ourselves to their imperfections or we dismiss them as unimportant. Our tendency is to see the object of our “excessive devotion” with eyes that filter out their flaws.

Have you ever known someone who was “in love” with someone that you could clearly see was bad news? Their “excessive devotion” prevented them from being able to clearly see the other person.

What then is the impact this has on our “relationship” with the object of our “excessive devotion”?… Continued on next page >>

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