But Seriously, Play with Me!

Here’s another great article from Melody Brooke. She’ been a featured author on our blog for several weeks now and we feel really fortunate to be able to share her thoughts and insights with you.

Today’s article however, had a tremendous impact on me personally - probably because it hit a little too close to home… We all get so busy doing the things that we think we ‘have’ to do that we forget to take the time to do the things that we ‘want’ to do and those things that brings us joy. 

Not taking the time to have fun together can really cause a strain on your relationship. 

Read this article to learn some really great ways to connect or re-connect with your partner.

But Seriously, Play with Me!

by Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT

When we date someone we are intent on finding time to enjoy being together.  Discovering similar interests means doing things together that you both enjoy.  The result is that we end up doing a lot of fun, playful things together when we are dating.  Bonding during play is an important aspect of building intimacy with someone.  We open our hearts up to those we feel safe with, and we play with those we feel safe with, too.   When you think about the time you spent together when you were dating, weren’t you constantly on the look out for playful things to do together?

It’s funny but we will even do things that are outside of our own comfort zone when we are dating. We will attempt things we have never tried before and we will do things that we don’t even particularly like, simply because the other person finds it fun.

Before we were married my husband invited me on a ski trip. I was 43 and had never skied before.  I hate the cold, my Reynauds caused my hands to go numb in the cold, but of course I went.  He taught me to ski (turns out I have a knack for it) and I now love to ski.  But I might not have ever tried it if it weren’t for wanting to spend time playing with my prospective partner.

Yet once we settle into our daily lives with our partner, we tend to forget or even avoid doing those fun things together.  Why is that? I think there are many reasons for it, but the top reason is that we start taking life too seriously.  We have kids to care for, bills to pay, pools to care for, lawns to feed, work to do… all of which fill up our time and our thoughts, requiring all of our energy and resources.  Taking time to play with our partner becomes a chore on our to-do list. 

Play, of course, can take many forms and is highly individual.  That can make it complicated for couples.  He likes to golf, she likes to garden.  She likes to shop, he likes to tinker with his car.  When the divergent ways we like to have fun keep us apart, intimacy can be interrupted.  Play is an intimacy building activity.  We play with those we are closest to, so if we stop playing with them we stop feeling close. 

Play also builds creative connections and opens new pathways in our brains.  Studies show that kids who don’t get enough play time…