Self-Love is the Answer

If you are in the position of having someone need you in a dysfunctional way, your own self-love can be the answer there too.  Your self-love will be the answer when you know that you are responsible for everything that shows up in your life. 

If someone is in your life pulling on you and making life uncomfortable, or even unsafe, taking the stand that you attracted this to you, even if you do not know why, can make a difference in 1) how quickly the situation resolves itself and 2) whether or not you create the same situation again.

Why Doesn’t Matter

You do not have to know why you “created” this situation.  It may be you do not even have to do anything with or about the other person.  If you are willing to take responsibility and say to yourself, “I created this.  I do not want this situation in my life. I love myself enough to release the need for this type of dysfunction!” and really own those words, then the situation will either resolve itself or you will find opportunities to resolve it appearing. 

Accepting that kind of responsibility takes courage, inner security, and love – love of self and love of other.  There are needs and desires in our lives where once met add to our lives.  Lovers’ bodies and souls longing for each other, needing each other’s touch, and desiring sexual expression is life giving! 

The Danger of Allowing it to Continue

However, allowing someone to need or desire you with a desperation that strangles and threatens to snuff out life isn’t an act of love.  It is rather supporting of dysfunction that, if allowed to continue for too long, can wreck a relationship or even a life. 

Unconditional positive regard of both the other and the self demands the tough love that says, “I created this…I love myself enough to release the need for this type of dysfunction.”

If you ever find yourself calling someone who has taken an interest in you a “stalker,” stop and give it some thought.  Perhaps you are being too callous with someone who chooses to risk this level of vulnerability because he or she finds you irresistible. 

If they are legitimately annoying, take your attention off the other person and put it on yourself.  Take responsibility and love yourself enough to release whatever it is in you that created this situation.  Give taking that level of responsibility a try and see what happens. 

The next time you find yourself needful in a way that you suspect is hurtful, take some time for yourself and love you.  Sit in front of a mirror and say, “I love you,” like you mean it!  Play music and light candles. 

Make it a sacred time to give yourself your own, genuine unconditional positive regard.  The more you do it, the more your inner security will rise to the surface to guide and protect you! 

You are worthy of love that helps you live a better life.  You can begin getting that kind of love by giving it to yourself.  

To learn more about Sarah Elizabeth Malinak, visit www.IdealRelationships.com.

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