Get imaginative with touch

Think of times when you are together on a regular basis other than when you are making love.  Watching television together, preparing a meal, grocery shopping…things like this. 

Consider where you might touch your lover in a place that usually goes ignored.  The inside of the arm, neck, ears, and small of the back are possibilities.  Perhaps it has just been too long since you were in the habit of resting your hands on each other’s thighs when sitting together. 

Make a habit of reaching over and touching each other in ways that communicate, “You are my beloved, I am yours, and that is wonderful.”  Always take a moment or two and be present with your touch.  Look at him or her and feel your love and appreciation for the privilege of loving each other.

Lighten up and have fun

If life has been weighing on you and making you far too serious too much of the time, find things for you and your lover to laugh about.  Learning to laugh at yourself, admitting to your flaws in humorous ways, acknowledges the fact that the two of share intimate knowledge of one another that goes beyond the physical.  It heightens your sense of togetherness.

Be sensitive, though.  Be sure to laugh with your partner, not at them.  Invite their compassion, not their competitive edge. 

Find reasons to genuinely appreciate your lover’s extended family

Perhaps it is so that we will move out there and start our own families, but most people have a difficult time dealing with each other’s extended family members.  An easy and even lazy way for couples to create intimacy is to gossip and put down their own and each other’s family members. 

A better way is to discover what you can truly appreciate in at least one member of your lover’s extended family and communicate that to your lover and the family member.  When you genuinely care for those he or she loves, your lover feels appreciated too.  Whenever we feel seen or appreciated, soulful intimacy grows.

Be present for sights, sounds, scents, tastes, and textures

When you are in that love at first glance relationship, everything about your lover is new, mysterious, and desirable. 

The way his skin tastes, the scent of her body, the curve of her hips, the light in his hair, the way her pinky toe lies at a different angle from the rest, and his “innie” belly button are just a few of many things that capture the attention, the heart, and the kundalini!  With all your senses heightened, you are present for everything. 

In the beginning, it can be overwhelming.  As time goes on, it can seem to disappear forever.  It doesn’t have to. 

Simply be present the next time she undresses in front of you and let yourself relish how you admire her beauty.  Be present the next time he gets out of the shower and relish how you admire all his masculine features.  Breathe softly through your mouth and feel your body relax and open to your lover.  

When you practice just these five tips for creating soulful intimacy (not to mention the many more your own imagination can discover), closing the gap for even greater physical intimacy is sure to follow!  

To learn more about Sarah Elizabeth Malinak, visit www.IdealRelationships.com.

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