SUBSCRIBEIs It Wrong To Be Friends With My Boyfriend’s Ex-Girlfriend? (Video)
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You know the awkward feeling, the uncomfortable glances… when you and your partner run into his ex on the street. Usually the most you’ll see is a brief hello or a nod, and sometimes it’ll be downright hostile.
That’s crazy, isn’t it? Someone that was a major part of your life and was a source of great joy for you certainly deserves more than a nod or a dirty look, don’t you think?
Why are people so nasty with their exes?
The truly sad part is that we actually create these venomous situations ourselves.
People have such a hard time moving on from a relationship that’s no longer working out - accepting that it’s time to move on, that they actually look for reasons to hate their partner so they can break up… reasons to justify the break up to themselves.
By the time it’s all said and done, the relationship is so bad that everyone wants it to be over. And all this just to avoid being honest to ourselves and to one another and admitting that the fit may no longer be there, and it may be time to move on.
It’s really sad how we as a society handle exes. Why can’t we just grow up and get along? We should at the very least have as much respect for someone who was a key part of your life as one would for a stranger on the street.
So this is why months and years after the break up, when you and your partner run into his ex, there’s no love there, only resentment. It’s sad, but we do this to ourselves.
But what if you’re tired of this weird interaction with his ex, and would like to reach out to her?
What if you might even like to be friends with her? Is that really so much to ask? Is it really so unreasonable?
Sure, it’s not commonly done in our culture, but… after all, this woman was a major part of your boyfriend’s life for years. Surely she’s someone you should at least know. Is there anything really wrong with approaching her and asking?
The chances of you actually becoming friends are pretty slim, but it COULD happen.
What’s the best way to approach her?
Unless you happen to run into her a lot alone, i.e. NOT with your boyfriend, sending her an email is probably the way to go. A phone call is fine too, but in this case an email is probably better, since she doesn’t have to answer it if she’s not inclined to do so.
Don’t write a long, drawn-out email however, and don’t get on a long, involved phone call with her. Truly emotional topics like this are best discussed… Continued on next page >>
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Dan and Jennifer I understand where you are coming from with this post I just personally do not feel this advice fits with the usual reality of a breakup.
If my wife tried to make friends with my ex we would more than likely be headed for divorce court. There is a reason I married my wife and not my ex. If my wife meet with my ex I can almost guarantee my ex would do everything possible to poison my marriage and try to break us up.
I believe exs are a sleeping pit bull that is best left alone.
I will admit this post did get me thinking and that is a good thing. Keep it up. I love the site.
ok, so what about if your girlfriends still friends with all her exs, how do you handle that?
I don’t think you are even close. When you have spent a long time together, ther’s always a good reason. Women more than men tend to render a judgement on the suitability of their men in the first few weeks of a relationship. I feel that for these that end then, your statements do apply. But, after a period of months or even years, Most of the time, I think that one partner wilfully sabotages their relationship, and the victim partner is left with an ultimate rejection, and hatred is an easy answer.
Please do not contact me in any way. I am giving you my address but I do not want any correspondence
Thank You
With all the people on this planet, why would you seek out a ex of your current partner. There is no reason to think the friendship of an ex is any more valuable than another person so why create the possibility of a difficult situation. Bottom line is we break up with people because we don’t want to be with them anymore and it isn’t unreasonable to expect your partner make her friends elsewhere.
I am now married to a wonderful man and I had this exact thing happen to me. my husband had a horrible relationship with his ex but i wanted to know what she was like because im snoopy. I talked to her online a few times but it was weird she ended up going to a mutual friend and asking if what i said was true, nothing bad just that he quit smoking/drinking we had a house and a dog. she had asked me how we were doing so i told her her not believing he was like that went to a friend of ours and asked. when we found out it was too much for us to both handle and I stopped talking to her. the fact she cant accept that he is a good man and a loving husband bothers me to no end so I cut off communication. NOW on the other hand MY ex cheated on me with a girl who I got in contact with a few yrs after the fact to talk to her because he was not a good guy and she still needed to know things, they weren’t together anymore but there were things. NOW we very good friends and talk all the time through email due to the fact she moved to a different province. I do not think it is a good idea to get in contact with the person though they are Ex’s for a reason and it should remain that way. Most of my husbands ex’s have tried to ruin our relationship many times. some weren’t over him some didn’t want to see him happy. I stuck by his side and we got through it now we are happily married. my advise because i have gone through it is steer clear of the ex.
You cant look at every situation the same way. Personally, I am not on bad terms with any of my ex’s, because that is the way I am.
My reaction to my current partner talking with or becoming friends with one of these girls would, in all situations, make me feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes, people don’t want to be around ex’s for more reasons than just hating them. There are a couple of girls that it would just hurt to be around, because the pain of losing someone you love, for any reason, sometimes just doesn’t go away.
Also, I would be pretty upset if I wasn’t consulted about this before communication between the two started. It NOT just HER decision. This was a person that I used to/still care about a lot. It’s OUR decision.