in person. This is just first contact, and the objective is to get together in person for "a talk".

When you suggest a time and place to get together, keep it simple and non-threatening. Lunch or dinner is a long time to sit with a person you may REALLY not click with. Suggest something simple and non-committal, like maybe getting together for a coffee.

When you do talk with her, whether it’s by email, phone, or in person, be open, warm, and honest. Tell her what you’ve been thinking, and that you’d like to get to know her better. Keep it simple, and always be open and honest.

So send her the email or give her a call and see where it goes. But be prepared to not hear anything back, or to get a very different response than you might have anticipated.

What if your boyfriend finds out you’re talking to his ex? 

Whatever you do, be very up front and honest about this with your boyfriend as well, or you’ll put that relationship in jeopardy. Tell him before she does! The last thing you want is for him to think the two of you are somehow going behind his back and conspiring against him or talking about him.  

But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you talking with or meeting another person that you’re inspired to get to know.

Your friends and family will probably advise you against talking with her, just because that’s the common societal bias. But this is YOUR call, not anyone else’s. So make your own decision. 

Bottom line – don’t listen to others. Always follow YOUR heart! 

Here’s a question from a lady in Florida facing this dilemma…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend/fiancee and I have been talking for almost a year and a half. He had a weird relationship with his ex and it was always on and off for a year and a half too.

Sometimes I feel like she was such a better person then me and I have a lot of respect for her even though I don’t know her. We run into her a lot, and my boyfriend only says hello to her friends, since they all graduated together. In a way I want to get to know his ex, but don’t want to come off the wrong way to her.

Everyone I know tells me not to try and talk to her and explain that I don’t want the awkward feeling every time we see each other – which isn’t too often. Yet for some reason I want to get to know her. Should I just email her one day, or just listen to everyone and let it be?

– Susan, Florida

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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