Most couples spend more time planning their weddings than their marriages!  With divorce rates at an all time high, it seems that couples are facing more challenges than ever in preserving their relationship stability. 

In my relationship counseling work as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I’ve seen countless couples who come into my office at the “end of their ropes.” 

Many have very shaky relationship foundations, diminished emotional safety and little ability to deflect internal conflict within their relationship, let alone the stressful external events that life sometimes can dish out. 

If you think about the amount of financial and emotional investment that goes into preparing for the wedding itself, doesn’t it make sense to invest a little in strengthening the relationship at the onset?

Many couples preparing for marriage honestly believe they are strong going into the union – and they probably are in a lot of ways.  Being caught up with all the loving feelings and other feel-good stuff going on ahead of nuptials, couples often don’t consider the potential pitfalls.  Those “pitfalls” are often times what leads them into a therapist’s office some time down the line.  

I strongly encourage couples to give their marriages the best possible start – to do all they can ahead of time to avoid marriage counseling later.  Based on my experience with couples who see me for marriage counseling and the issues they bring in, there are a number of things that would have been helpful for them to have known about or worked on previously. 

Here are six great reasons to get pre marriage counseling:

Strengthen Communication Skills

Being able to effectively listen, truly hear and validate the other’s position is a skill that isn’t necessarily a “given” for many people.  Couples that really communicate effectively can discuss and resolve issues when they arise more effectively. 

You can tune up your talking and listening skills.  This is one of the most important aspects of emotional safety between couples. 

Discuss Role Expectations 

It’s incredibly common for married couples to never really have discussed who will be doing what in the marriage.  This can apply to job, finances, chores, sexual intimacy and more.

Having an open and honest discussion about what each of you expect from the other in a variety of areas leads to fewer surprises and upsets down the line.   

Learn Conflict Resolution Skills

Nobody wants to think that they’ll have conflict in their marriage.  The reality is that “conflict” can range from disagreements about who will take out the trash to emotionally charged arguments about serious issues – and this will probably be part of a couple’s story at one time or another. 

There are ways to effectively de-escalate conflict that are highly effective and can decrease the time spent engaged in the argument.  John Gottman’s research (www.gottman.com) has shown that couples who can do this well are less likely to divorce in the end.

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