Explore Spiritual Beliefs

For some this is not a big issue – but for others a serious one.  Differing spiritual beliefs are not a problem as long as it’s been discussed and there is an understanding of how they will function in the marriage with regards to practice, beliefs, children, etc.

Identify any Problematic Family of Origin Issues

We learn so much of how to “be” from our parents, primary caregivers and other early influences.  If one of the partners experienced a high conflict or unloving household, it can be helpful to explore that in regards to how it might play out in the marriage. 

Couples who have an understanding of the existence of any problematic conditioning around how relationships work are usually better at disrupting repetition of these learned behaviors.

Develop Personal, Couple and Family Goals

It amazes me how many married couples have never discussed their relationship goals – let alone personal or family.  I honestly think it just doesn’t cross their minds!  This is a long term investment together – why not put your heads together and look at how you’d like the future to look? 

Where do you want to be in five years?  Approximately when would you like to have children?  How many children?  There are many areas that can be explored and it can be a fun exercise to do together.

Pre marriage counseling doesn’t need to be a long process, especially if you feel you’re starting out with a very solid foundation and only need some clarifications and goal-setting.  For some people who are poised to start out the marriage as a “higher conflict” couple or have deeper issues to contend with, the process could take a bit longer. 

Regardless, be sure to take the time to invest in your marriage as you might in the event itself.  The return on your marriage investment has the potential to be life long!  

To learn more about Lisa Brookes Kift, visit The Therapy and Counseling Blog.

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