I recently heard a young woman casually refer to the man she’d had rebound sex with at the close of a long term relationship while castigating her former lover for 1) already being in a relationship and 2) being in a relationship with a “skank.” 

Because she hoped the result of the break up would be their getting back together some day, she feels he needs to 1) wait for her and 2) maintain his virtue for her satisfaction. 

What is wrong with this picture?  When she becomes the seducer out there in the world and desires her former lover maintain his virtue, she assumes the role of the man and expects him to take the role of the woman.  It isn’t fair and it isn’t healthy.

Role Reversal in Our Society

Not only is this scene typical in our role reversal society, it is typical for adult mama’s boys and daddy’s girls.  Mama’s boys are men who do not realize the key to their personal power and potency lies within. 

They try to get their power by either pushing against or pulling on the women in their lives.  Daddy’s girls are women who do not realize the path to their fulfillment lies within.  They attempt to find fulfillment by taking care of the men in their lives.  Adult mama’s boys and daddy’s girls fall into role reversal easily and painfully.

The young woman mentioned above is a daddy’s girl who “mothers” everyone in her life.  She takes care of them by alternately bullying them, nurturing them, patronizing them, and helping make their lives easier by sacrificing for them.  She is a magnet for any mama’s boy looking to please “mother.” 

Her former lover is most likely in a rebound relationship with someone who will cause her to feel threatened and humiliated.  When she rejected him, his pride was hurt and now he has something to prove.  Because he is on the rebound, this current relationship will likely not last. 

At some point, he will long for a woman who is more demanding so that he can attempt to feel like a man by trying to please her and make her happy.

Relationships Are Messy!

It is easy to look at the surface of this constellation of relationships following a break up, shake our heads and murmur disdain.  It is also possible to look at this scene and feel uncomfortable or ashamed because it is too familiar.  Don’t dismiss these young lovers out of hand. 

Relationships are messy because few of us are taught how to have healthy, romantic relationships!  However, we can walk out of the painful complications of role reversal.  A primary guide on the path to healing is the technique called “Act as if.”

Acting As If….

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