like telling him certain things I don’t like that he does, or how I would prefer him to touch me.  Yet keeping those things to myself keeps him from really knowing me and understanding who I am. 

Sometimes the ways we hold back are little and don’t seem important, but even there they can make a huge difference in our sense of closeness.  Speaking up when we want things in our house a certain way, or what we do or don’t like about what our partner is wearing helps them to know how to please us. It doesn’t mean they are required to concede to our desires, but it helps them know who we are and what we like and don’t like.  That translates to intimacy. 

The word intimacy has its roots in Italian. It literally means, “In to me see”.  The more you can let your partner in to see you for who you are, the more she can see and know of you, the more intimacy you will actually have. 

Increased intimacy means a deeper sense of trust between you.  Trust breeds a better relationship. The opposite of trust is fear. The more trust we have in our partner the less we fear their reactions to our thoughts and feelings. The more trust we have the easier it is to resolve conflicts.  Trust allows us to drop our boundaries and let the other person see our weakness and our flaws and still love us. That is the risk we take when we speak our truths.  If we don’t yet know that our truths will be accepted it’s a scary thing.  But the reality is that if we don’t speak our truths, we are just two people living in the same space together, not intimate partners.

Featured Author, Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT is the author of "Cycles of the Heart: A way out of the egocentrism of everyday life", speaker, workshop presenter and counselor. She is also a Certified Radix Practitioner, Right Use of Power Teacher and InterPlay Teacher. Melody’s 19 years work with individuals, couples and families has provided her with a unique approach to solving clients’ problems. 

To find out more about InterPlay and "Cycles of the Heart" go to www.melodybrooke.com. 

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