Comments on: Is It Possible to Love Two Men? How do I choose?

By: jessie

jessie — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 02:00:46 +0000

Hi, Sarah:

I am in the same situation as you and they both want to marry me, but one of them asked my parents for my hands in marriage today. I dont 't know what to do.

By: kIMBERLY

kIMBERLY — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 09:31:35 +0000

Hi Sarah,
I'm Kimberly and I am in the total same situation also. I have known guy #1 for a year now was his best friend for awhile and we both could not fight our attraction and we ended up together but he could not stop his womanizing ways and cheated on me with my best friend, I dumped him and met guy #2 Who is wonderful too He is sweet and caring and all, but I cannot communicate with him like I can guy #1 He is very intense aand had moments that he snapps on me for no reason other that that he know guy #1 and he knows of my feelings for guy #1. I have told him from the startand i guess i was trying to be honest but then guy#1 started coming around again and trying to see me and i was weak and i would meet him. Now guy #2 got put into jail and is due to come out of ail anyday. My problem is I love guy #1 more ahan guy #2 but i cannot see myself without guy #2 in my life. He is great he helps me with anything i want and treats me really good. He is just not my guy#1 and I wish I could stop loveing guy #1 and spend eternity with guy #2. I knowthat I will have to stop seeing one of them but this is killing me everyday that i spend with indecicision. It is eating me alive knowing I have to let one of these wonderful men go away. What can we do to help us make this decision. My heart cannot take much more I agree with your choices by the way the right answer may well be in letting them both go and meeting guy #3 but how to fill the void of guy #1 and guy #2 because I dont know about you but they are pretty ingrained in my heart and its going to take along time to get over them and i will never forget them. Now that guy #1 wants me to come back I get so happy but then i think about leaving guy #2 I get so sad. Guy #1 says Guy #2 is taunting him by sticking with me even though guy #2 doesnt talk to him.. guy #1 says guy#2 is hanging with me waiting for him to mess up and then he can move in for the kill and take me back away. and he says he learn his lesson he not gonna mess up again. he loves me and he wants me but part of me doubts that. because he has cheated on me before i do have doubts that he can be faithful and i have doubts that i can be now after being with guy #2 .. i am more sexually uninhibited with guy #2 and we have the best sex but i can talk with guy #1 about anything.. help

By: kIMBERLY

kIMBERLY — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 04:31:35 +0000

By: nichole

nichole — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 01:02:27 +0000

What i would recomend you do is stop dating both of them for some time if they are understanding and give you the time (this might be a problem with # 2 ) see which one you miss more. See which one you feel like running to when you want to beak down which one makes you feel like dying when the thought of not being togather comes up. Which one cant you live without

By: sarah grey

sarah grey — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 07:45:22 +0000

so.. i am in the boat, and i would have never guessed there were that many women doing the same thing as me.i am so incredibly confused… i have been in love with my number one for about two years now, and everytime he talks or touches me i can feel how much he loves me….. but i got into some troubles with him and got put away for 6 months in a treatment facility, where i think i fell in love with another guy. at first i was talking to him because i was co dependant and my number one hasnt communicated with me, so i thought this new guy could replace him… which he kind of did, he made me feel amazing with the letters everyday… i got out of treatment before guy number two, and because i was feeling lonley and i missed guy number one, called him, got together with him, and hung out. when guy number two found out that me and number one had been hanging out again, he was devastated, he threw everything awaay…i felt horrible. cause i really did love both guys… and guy number one was wanting to get back together with me.i was so confused, yet something told me to move in with guy number two 300 miles away from guy number one. me and guy number two were living great for a couple months, until he started drinking a lot and taking pills, and just getting fucked up again, it felt like he always chose his friends over me, and well i was mad about the decision i made about being with number two instead of number one, so this is when i started searching for guy number one again… as soon as i got a hold of number one, guy number two gets locked up in treatment again and wants to be sober, which is great, cause I LOVE who he is when hes sober.. and when i get a hold of guy number one he still wants to be with me… and guy number two is in treatment, wanting to be sober so he can better our relationship. both of these guys are AMAZING and they both love me more than life. i have no idea what to do….

By: Gabe

Gabe — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 16:24:24 +0000

You have to marry love and sex together to have a successful relationship with a guy or a girl. This is the formula for a happy and mind blowing partnership.

By: Brittany

Brittany — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 02:27:19 +0000

LORD KNOWS I FEEL YOU ON THIS ONE! I am so desperate for help, that I actually googled “I’m in love with two men”, to see if I could find some advice. My guy #1 I dated for 5 years, I broke up with him because I was young and he was very controlling. Other than his insecurities, he was perfect. I would have, without a doubt, eventually married him. I’ve been broken up with this guy for about two years, but we have never lost contact. We’ve had our other dating partners, our fights where we said we’d never call again, and our talks about “what if”. About a year ago, I met a guy who is much like guy #1 only he is more of a bad boy. I’ve always had a thing for bad boys. And the thing is, I’m not technically doing anything wrong, because guy #1 and I are not together. Guy #2 and I are together and have been for about three months, but we’ve had A LOT, A LOT, A LOT, of problems. Up until recently guy #1 never actually mentioned anything about ACTUALLY giving it another shot, UNTIL a couple of days ago. And honestly I’ve never really even considered it as a real option UNTIL now of course. When I revealed that I had been talking to guy #1 to guy #2 he freaked out. I never really knew how much he loved me until tonight. Now, I’m torn. I thought it would be easier than this. There are so many factors to consider. I can’t pick one, in hopes that they’ll fufill everything I need. Sometimes I wonder if I just need to be alone for a while, finish school, enjoy my young adult life. Other times I’m terrified of making another mistake and losing someone for good. I don’t want to be one of those girls who just floats from ex to ex, guy to guy. I need to WANT to be with a guy, not just because he MIGHT like me. I mean who knows how these guys will feel a month from now. I would just advise all women out there to think and feel with your heart and head. Not just your heart. And to question if either guy is good for you, not just good to you. A couple should be a team, not just people who call each other their significant other. I’m starting to realize that life is too short for fake relationships. I just don’t want to hurt anyone.

By: Laurel

Laurel — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:05:22 +0000

OMG I thought I was the only one with this problem. Guy #1 and I have been on and off for 10+ years we are now engaged. However I just ran into my ex Guy #2 and we talked for the whole night and I feel that I have closure on our breakup. However I am sick to my stomach because I am not sexually attrated to guy #1 as I am to Guy #2. I tell myself that sex is no everything, but having sex with Guy #2 was always great. Sex with Guy #1 is just ok. Guy #1 would do anything in the world for me, and Guy #2 is sweet but hurt me in the past, doesn’t commuicate very well and likes to go out all the time. I am just so thankful I am not the only one with these confusing feelings. I am stressed out about this whole situation and I have no answers. I am just trying to sort things out and I am praying that I make the correct decision. Plus I don’t think that it helps that I scared of committing.

By: rose johnston

rose johnston — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 13:04:15 +0000

Hi its really good to hear that Im not alone confused on 2 guys.My story started 19 years ago when I went to work after I seperated from my husband.The owner and me started to fancy each other at the time he was married with 2 kids,I have 1.after a while we moved in together things were pretty good,I worked in his business but the problem was I left my son with an auntie to bring him up.After 17 years of living together alone he decided to bring his son to live with us,from then on a lot of problems has started and I thought we didn’t love each other anymore.we still stayed together until last April. I went on holiday and started chatting to a steward on the plane.We started to text each other and when I came back we went on a date,After that once I left guy 1 bcos I was never unfaithful to him.Now im seeing them both without them knowing and Im so confused who to choose.Guy 1 is offering me security and claims that he never stopped loving me,the other a new differnt life.guy 2 is 7 years younger then me.Is there anyone who can give me advice pls I feel like im losing my mind,Thank you

By: LIL E

LIL E — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 17:36:06 +0000

WELL I DONT KNOW IF YOU ARE I TO CHURCH OR NOT BUT IF YOU YOU ARE I KNOW SOMETHING THAT WOULD WORK GIVE IT TO GOD JUST TELL HIM ALL ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS THAN DONT TRY TO CHOOSE A GUY #1?OR #2? COME ON. IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD KNOW WHICH ONE TO CHOOSE BECAUSE YOU WOULD POUR OUT YOUR FEELING 2 THAT PERSON AT ANY COST IF HE CHOOSES TO BE WITH U OR NOT THAN U WOULD NOT COMMIT TO ANYONE. WAIT ON GOD TO SEND U THAT PERSON.I AM IN THAT SITUATION NOW. I LOVE #1 FOR 6 YEARS BUT HE IS WHAT U CALL A PLAYER BUT I LOVE THE WAY HE TALKS WALK LAUGHS CRY EAT SLEEP HOLD ME AND SORRY TO SAY BUT PLAYS ME@ ANY CO$T BUT I LOVE HIM I MET HIM WHEN I WAS 15 I TALK TO HIM AND U KNO EVEN THOUGH I WAS YOUNG I NEW I WAS IN LOVE BUT HE HAD TO MANY GURLS SO I MOVED ON I DATED GUY #2 FOR 3 YEARS BUT I ALWAYS THOUGH OF #1 WHEN #2 AND I ARGUED I WOULD RUN 2 #1 BUT I WOULD GO BACK TO NUMBER #2 BECAUSE I KNOW HE LOVES ME AND WAS READY TO SETTLE DOWN. LONG STORY SHORT #2 AND I FELL OUT AGAIN AND I WENT MY WAY FULLY.THEN I MET GUY #3

By: Jane

Jane — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 14:55:38 +0000

Help! I’m in the exact same situation (pretty much anyway). Both want to marry me, and I’m ready for marriage. Guy #1 and I are best friends and we’ve been dating for 3 years. Guy #2 and I are really good friends, too, though. We could be best friends, except that I don’t see him as often. The logical choice for me seems like #2. He is of my religion and very involved in the church (so am I). We have similar intrests, and I am very attracted to him physically. But, I can’t let go of #1 for some reason. I’m not physically atracted to him (well, maybe a tiny bit). He’s not of my religion, and he’s not quite as mature. But he’s loved me so long and so much. He’s even offered to convert for me. He told me he would die for me, and I believe it. I feel like… he deserves me. Does that make any sense? I’m so lost.

By: Kari

Kari — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 20:30:14 +0000

HI All:

It is very fascinating hearing all of your stories. I have told and re-told my story again and again and again. I started seeing a psychologist because I thought I was going nuts. But here it is…

Guy #1, he is smart, very attractive, successful, we have everything in common, he lives in the same city as I do, he can travel everywhere and do everything with me, he is kind, and good hearted. I dated him for the past 3 1/2 years. I broke up with him a year and a half ago b/c I was not in love with him. I ended up dating unexpectedly one of my best friends from long ago.

I dated guy #2 for about 3 months…the problem here is that he was in college because he had been a ranger in the military for the past 4 years and was behind his time..he also lived in Florida. When we initially started dating I told him I would pay for him to move to california…but he couldn’t do that…so I ended up missing him so much I started dating guy #1 again…he was around and loved me and I didn’t have to miss guy #2….

I still continued to speak to guy #2…went to see him…kept hurting guy #1…finally I decided to be 100% with guy #1…it was amazing and I fell for him for the first time…and hard…completely in love….I had promised guy #2 I would visit him…so I did, knowing I was so in love with guy #1, i thought it would not matter…but it did…then again I decided to take a vacation and not speak to both of them…when I came back I chose guy #1 again…I told this to guy #2 and he said he was moving to my city…

with this, I broke up with guy #1 to be with guy #2 because I just could not not be with him…but then one day guy #1 got over me…he was with another girl right in front of me…I broke down…I ended all contact with guy #2 and begged to be back with guy #1…he said he didn’t love me anymore…but I persisted…he said I could never speak to guy #2 again….but after a month or two of still not being loved I went back to guy #2…he loved me…he made me happy…he loved me more then anything….

So, I ended everything with guy #1…but we stayed friends and still hung out…no physical aspect…(at this point guy #2 moved back to his original city)…he came to visit…I was taking a shower and guy #1 stopped by to give me a present from a trip he was taking and guy #2 answered the door…

I chose to stay with guy #2 that night…I got completely drunk…I woke up early that morning (while guy #2 slept) and went to see guy #1…for the first time in 6 months I could tell he loved me…I was the happiest person alive…I then continued to hang out with guy #2 for the rest of the weekend…and as soon as he left I went to see guy #1….

Guy #1 tells me I cannot speak to guy #2 again….he doesn’t know if he wants to marry me nor does he know if he can trust me again…but he does love me…but I wonder if it will be the love like I get from #2…The love from number two is amazing…he is amazing…I just can’t bare to lose either of them…

I love them both. But I need to chose or walk away…I do not want to lose either of them? I am sick of hurting them and myself. I am sick of this dilemma in my life…

choices…

Be with #1…in the long run will he get along with me as well as I get along with #2…or will he understand me and love me like #2

Be with #2…can I handle long distance? No. Can I handle not having the ability to have a companion like I do with number one? No. Will I be loved forever and in every condition? yes.

What should I do?

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 14 May 2007 22:04:31 +0000

Dear Selina, Keep us updated with your decisions!

By: Selina

Selina — Mon, 14 May 2007 17:49:57 +0000

Dear Susan and Simon,

Thank you so much for your advice and input. It is greatly appreciated!

Susan, I am leaning towards guy #2…my heart is with him and I can’t deny that! And I’ve realized that guy #1’s money CANNOT buy love or happiness! Also, you’re right about the kid thing…it does cause tension and problems.

Simon, I’m taking your advice and I’m going to spend some time alone to really think about what I want. Who knows, maybe i’ll come to the conclusion that neither one of them are right for me!

Thanks again to both of you,
Selina

By: Simon

Simon — Mon, 14 May 2007 09:22:56 +0000

There is a Hungarian saying which says “if you sit on two chairs, you will fall down the middle”. This has happened to me, so I will share some advice.

Honesty is such an important part of a relationship which you would want to work. Are you being totally truthful to who you love? If you are not then how can you expect the relationship to work out?

You don’t need to be in such a rush to get married, unless you’re sure you want to spend the rest of your life with that person and not due to another motive.

Personally, I believe it would be good for you to spend time away from the two. I suggest you take a holiday for about two weeks.

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 11 May 2007 03:16:11 +0000

Hello Selina,
I am not sure about giving you the right advices, but I can give you my opinion, I would go with guy #2, even though he can’t offer you much, for the simple reason: he does not have kids and you seem to love me. If he can support you, and if he keeps his promises, why not? wealth doesn’t bring happiness but children from another lady do bring problems beleive me. I dated a guy like that.. I was blind, now Im thinking I will never ever do that again, imagine the mother of his kids… She would always try to bring him back creating situations like my son is sick, go to his school, they need a father around .. that! will take your time away with your husband and your money too!!! Hope it helps good luck. Susan

By: Selina

Selina — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 20:42:22 +0000

Oh my God! I’m in a similar situation and I’m so confused and stressed out beacause of it! I am enagaged to be married to guy #1, whom I met in August of 06 (quick I know). I THINK I’m in love with him (doubt is never good) but may be more in love with the type of life he can offer me. He is a well established 37 year old business owner. He’s in love with me. He’s exciting, spontaneous, loves to travel and enjoy the finer things life has to offer. He’s extremely attractive and we have great sexual chemistry. He’s given me the opportunity to stop working and focus on finishing school. Now for the down side….he’s arrogant, cocky, selfish, prideful, not trustworthy and controlling…we don’t have much in common….I have a very difficult time opening up to him as a result of him being extremely critical towards me, he’s been married before and has 2 kids (im not 2 keen on the kids part..nothing against them personally) I’m hanging in there hoping that he’ll change his ways.

Now guy #2 came into the picture again, about 2 months ago after approxiamtely 1 1/2 years of no communication. He is an ex-boyfriend that I was with for over 2 years. We both made mistakes but it was mainly MY stupid mistakes that caused the realtionship to go sour. He’s a great guy. He’s compassionate, kind, trustworthy, we have a lot in common and he’s a great friend and listener, has no kids and never married. I love his family and they love me. The down side is: he’s 37 and still lives with his father, he isnt very adventurous, doesnt like to travel, sexual chemistry between him and I is not that great, he’s extremely frugal. We have been communicating a lot lately and he claims he’s ready to step up to the plate and be the man I need him to be. He’s ready to marry me, he’s buying a house within the next few months, he’s promised to be more exciting and adventurous. Like another writer said, I wish I could pick apart both of them to create my ideal mate. I’m leaning towards guy # 2, the ex boyfriend…there is no doubt in my mind that I’m in love with him. Is love enough?? It’s supposed to conquer all right?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

By: Dan and Jennifer

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 17:33:31 +0000

Hey Gillian,

Congratulations on breaking the stalemate and TAKING ACTION in one direction or another. We so often get “stuck” in a situation like this and it can be pure agony. The only way out is to pick a path, ANY path and move forward.

I’m AM curious about one thing however – the other man that you’re really in love with (and from your tone I assume it’s mutual) – why do you think he’s “totally wrong” for you?

Is it just the age difference? If it feels right, that can be overcome – i.e. don’t worry about it. FYI, Jennifer and I are 10 years apart, and we’re very happy together.

Or is it just your friends and family telling you how THEY think you should live your life. That’s a very common theme we come across a lot…

Just curious, if you would like to share.

Have an awesome day!
Dan & Jennifer

By: Gillian

Gillian — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 14:25:31 +0000

To all of the confused women in this thread:

I am in a very similar situation as well. I am married to one man, who I love but am not in love with. I am not sexually attracted to him. He knows that I’m not in love with him, but he keeps trying to fix things by attempting to change to make me happy. Unfortunately, I am head over heels in love with a guy who is almost 7 years younger than I am and totally wrong for me.

After over two years of confusion, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to forget about them both for awhile and concentrate on MYSELF. I’ve decided to move to another city and figure out exactly who the hell I am and what it is I want to do with my life. Until I know that, how else am I supposed to commit to either man? Besides, this is just a pattern repeating itself. I jumped from an old relationship immediately into the one I’m in now about 4 years ago…and now I see that it’s just not healthy to do that.

You must take time to heal after one relationship ends before you jump right in to another one. You must gather your thoughts, spend some time with yourself and THEN start wading back out in to the dating pool. If you can’t do that, you’re bound to end up in the same situation again. Like Dan and Jennifer said earlier, the universe has a tendency to repeat events in your life until you learn the lessons you were meant to learn.

Good luck to you all!
-Gillian

By: sheron

sheron — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 16:40:30 +0000

Just close your eyes and see why you think either of them is the best.You cant have the same love for 2 men.

You might think you love one of them just because of what he does for you. YOU KNOW YOUR REAL MAN ITS JUST SOME CONFUS ION AND A BIT OF TRYING TO BE ADVENTOROUS!!!