Comments on: Is it Wrong to Leave My Husband for a Man I Just Met on the Internet?

By: Gigi

Gigi — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:09:07 +0000

I was in the same situation 4 months ago. Met a past acquaintance on the internet, we chatted daily and constantly online,usually until 3 in the AM, and of course had “cyber sex”. It was great!I had not felt like that in 20 yrs! Asked my husband of 20 yrs.for a divorce . He was devastated. To make a long story short, my online guy told me (after I questioned him what I was to him) I was “a good friend who he has cyber sex with” HUH? I completely misread him. I really thought he liked me and felt he might be falling in love too! How could I be so wrong?? Next day I said my goodbye to him and we haven’t communicated since.
I told my husband about my “affair” and he forgave me immediately. This has transformed him though, and now he is completely in love and obsessed with me. Has been trying to woo me with expensive gifts and travel…to no avail. I am still feel empty and unhappy. I know I can’t stay but am afraid to leave and perhaps make a mistake. He is a great guy and father to our daughter. But I still am MISERABLE and don’t want to break his heart. I have to make up my mind! What do I do?

By: natalie

natalie — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 17:01:55 +0000

I am in the same exact situation as the person here. Me and my husband have been growing farther and farther apart, he is a good man, he loves me alot, he works hard to take care of me, but to me he seems emotionally distant, I want sex, cuddling, atention from him, and he says its just not the way he is. I feel so cold and empty being wwith him. he comes home from work, goes directly to his computer to play online games, he says its his way of relieving the days tensions..to me its him escaping into a fantasy world and ignoring me. I have tried everything to connect to him, even playing the online games he does…unfortunatly, I met someone on the online game, that I has been a close friend to me for well over a year. One day my online frined, came to me telling me about a very personal loss of his girlfriend and son and we started talking more personally than usual and him and me exchanged msn numbers, started talking via webcam, phone etc. He is 21, I am 38. I feel like I have fallen in love with him, and am seriously considering leaving my husband for him. The drawback is that I have 2 small children ages 5 and 2. I dont want to hurt my kids. Ive lost custody of my older children due to a bad divorce when I ran away from my first husband who pulled a knife to my throat, and beat me on a regular basis. I dont want to repeat the mistakes of losing my children, but I also dont want to feel dead and empty for the rest of my life. My online boyfriend says he loves me, and really wants to be with me…I dont know what to do.

By: lynn

lynn — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 22:10:23 +0000

Funny! I find myself reading this and it is a carbon copy of my life and I agree with Mathinform. It is what brings the woman or that significant other to that point. I can tell you!! The drinking, the emotional univaliable, mean spirited individual that one live’s with. I have a son that I am lucky to have and he is the world to me and I had one chance for his education. The constant fighting and so forth to get him to graduation day was the worse. My husband did nothing to help me to get him to that point. He underminded my authority when it came to our son and shut down and drank more. He would not come up to bat for me. My husband lost him mother the night I had my son 18 years and two months and I have lived in pure hell ever since,from that day forward he beat me down with his words. This is what made me chear in the 1st place. I never wanted to leave as the words “BETTER OR FOR WORSE” would haunt me. I have come from a divored family and wanted to give my son things that my siblings and I never had…I have cheated and have come back to work it out but his anger and resentment grows with each day. I have tunred my bad behavior around for the past three years and he is still the angry and resentful beer drinking functional drunk. I say find your happiness…do what I have not done be selfish..I have always been told that if I left I would be selfish…so I stayed and was selfless and now my son does not respect me and treats my as his dad does….

By: TerryG

TerryG — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 11:20:18 +0000

This is another form of infidelity if you ask me. This is one very quick way to lose the trust of the partner and leads to the downward spiral of a once functioning relationship.

By: MATCHinform

MATCHinform — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 14:14:44 +0000

Why has no one addressed the point of what this woman was doing online (cheating) on her husband in the first place? It would be hard to convince me that she just randomly wandered online two weeks ago and found this younger man. There was intent and purpose to find something else out there (in this case online) before her first IM chat. She had already decided she was unhappy in her marriage, would cheat (given the opportunity) and in my opinion she was never far from leaving her husband once she turned on her computer. The issue is not about her online “soulmate,” but what first caused her to go and find him.

By: Dating Service

Dating Service — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 07:54:37 +0000

I also agree with the editor. Online chatrooms, blogging, social network communities and dating sites have made it ever easier to connect with others and so I guess the temptation is there for married people as well. However, if the relationship and marriage is sound, why would the person be looking at all?

I think if your married and or in a serious relationship and you find your significant other looking online for friends, that should send out warning signals that things are not well on the relationship front.

And the worst part about divorce is the children get the brunt of it. So your not only destroying your family your hurting your children too (if you have them).

Good advice!

Cheers,

Jenn

By: Nneka

Nneka — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 23:58:24 +0000

Running away won’t solve anything. Maybe she could work with her husband to rekindle the flame that brought them together in the first place. Or, better yet, start a whole new fire. It doesn’t have to be the way it was, it could be a great beginning. Channel some of the intrigue and energy into the marriage.

In Spirit,
Nneka

By: Alex Shalman

Alex Shalman — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 01:59:23 +0000

My opinion – She made a commitment to a marriage. How hard did she try to resolve the issue with being met half way? It says that she just settled into the belief that this is the way that marriages are supposed to be. Why not, instead of settling for meritocracy to strive for excellence. Work on herself, and her marriage. Give it 110%. Do something to get that spark back.

Like I said, this is my opinion and if she truly has tried everything, than it’s time for plan B.

By: Steven Aitchison

Steven Aitchison — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 20:31:58 +0000

Dan and Jennifer. You have raised some great points in this post. My immediate repsonse would be that someone who is willing to leave their partner of 20 years for someone on the net is that they are ready to leave their partner and meeting someone online was just a tipping point excuse.

Also I think religion and believing what others think can crucify us and leave us with too heavy a burden. We are conditioned, from an early age, that we have to listen to the church and what other people say is important. This is just not the case. We have to look after ourselves first and foremost.

Great post.

By: Jeff Kee

Jeff Kee — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 19:03:40 +0000

HA very close!

By: Dan and Jennifer

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 03:47:54 +0000

Hey Jeff…

It’s The Alamo in San Antonio – you’re close though

By: Jeff Kee

Jeff Kee — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 03:08:34 +0000

Oh, I think that city in Texas I was trying to think of was Los Alamos. if I remember correctly.

I know Dan’s going “WTF, I thought this guy was Korean Canadian?” well, I lived in the USA for 2 years as a child, between ages of 6 and 8. I attended Elementary School there so I know tiny bits of American folk lore and history ha!

By: Jeff Kee

Jeff Kee — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 03:06:54 +0000

I agree with the editor – seems like the unhappy marriage is triggering the urge to leave.

If your marriage is unhappy you should leave regardless. If your marriage is fine, you shouldn’t leave, and well, judging by the fact that you are tempted to do so, you clearly don’t have a happy marriage.

Happiness is not necessarily something other people can bring, but it’s something that you need to give yourself first and then share with somebody else.

Don’t try to use the other stranger as leverage for your happiness – use yourself.

Divorce him. Go on a trip. Go to mexico and spend a few weeks in the sun. Travel the States and see different parts. If you live in the South, go up north to Pensylvannia and Delaware, to Boston and New York. If it’s the opposite, well there’s Florida and Nevada, Las Vegas and that Texan city where Davy Crockett fought off the Mexicans (according to folk lore anyhow) that I cannot remember the name of!

And then once you are happy on your own, try to find somebody else that you can share it with…