I've answered a TON of questions about LDR's (Long-Distance Relationships). Let me give you some reality here:

First, LDR's NEVER work out. Ok, there's the extremely rare instance (less than 2%) that work out, but in fact, that's very likely just a fluke.

There are so many problems with LDR's that are impossible to overcome, that I just tell people not to bother. Here are just a few of them:

* You can't be there when something important happens in the other person's life; nor can they be there for you.

* You get to share birthdays, holidays, weddings and other events watching "real" couples bond and enjoy themselves. This builds underlying resentment.

* You'll spend a fortune on telephone calls and plane trips.

* You'll pass up a bunch of otherwise great people that you COULD have a real relationship with.

* You'll always wonder what your partner is doing - and whom they are doing it with.

Now, here's the kicker: (WARNING: science content ahead!)

Many people meet and even form bonds via technology. While this is great, it misses an important point - consider this:

Your mind takes in information at a tremendous rate - around 60,000 impressions PER SECOND (some experts put that as high as 2.5 MILLION PER SECOND.) So, when you're face-to-face with someone you subconsciously notice that almost imperceptable curl of the lip or rapid blinking or any of a thousand other signals every second.

All of these signals help you to form an impression of that person and also help you to develop attraction for them - or to prevent it!

Now, just because you're talking over the Internet, telephone or IM - or even if you have a webcam set up, you're mind doesn't take a vacation - it continues to operate at the same speed. However, guess what happens to all those missed impressions? They don't just "go away". In fact, your mind actually FILLS IN the blanks!

Guess what it fills them in with?

Your dreams, hopes and expectations - NOT REALITY. Thus, you actually fall in love with an image you create in your own mind - NOT THE REAL PERSON.

When you finally DO meet and spend any real time together, your impression of that person is the one your mind built for you - not the real person. This is why so many people get involved in LDR's only to find out much, much later that this person wasn't whom they appeared to be at all, and by that time, the damage is already done.

Indulge in LDR's if you must, but do so with an understanding of the likely consequences.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder President

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Remington Publications


Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"