How long should you wait for her?

Waiting for someone to pick a side is generally a bad idea, since your wait could go on forever. People don’t tend to pick a side and get un-stuck unless something changes and they NEED to pick a side – to avoid losing something they hold dear. This is why so many love triangles go on and on for weeks, months, or even longer.

Here’s a question from Su in Wisconsin, who is in this very situation and is wondering how long he should hold out and wait for her to choose a path.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve known this lady from work for about a good 10 months and we have become good friends, but she is engaged and their relationship is going down hill.

I mean he yells at her, hits her, spits on her face and puts her way down like she’s not even worth anything. She tells me all sorts of things and she is in a dark hole.

Now we are getting closer and closer to each other. We have talked to each other about liking each other. I like her very much and want to be more than friends and she knows it too. I asked her the same question and she replied that she likes me as more than a friend too, but she still lives with him. I mean she has a son about 2 yrs old, and she likes how I treat him. I also ask her what I have that she wants, and her reply was "YOU! just YOU!".

We pretty much see each other at least 3 to 4 times a week for a good 10 min to 20 min. When she invites me to go hang out with her at their place I’ll say yes or alright and it really makes her happy. She has told me a couple of times that hanging around me makes her happy and she is longing for happiness in her life, but is afraid of happiness. She also said that she keeps her engagement ring on so they won’t have to argue everyday.

I, as a man, have doubts about where we are heading. So my main question is this. Does she really like me more than a friend or just trying to take advantage of my kindness and where does this road lead us?

Just in case you are wondering, I’m a Scorpio and she’s a Taurus.

– Su (Wisconsin)

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