Peter Roth, President of Warner Brothers Television, who is proud of their hit and hot television series “The Mentalist” had this to say about the lead character played by the handsome Aussie actor, Simon Baker, “I think there is perhaps nothing more attractive to women than a man who is able to listen and to quietly deduce the truth,” Roth says.  He is absolutely right.  Whenever my husband listens to me and, in our dialogue, reveals that he heard and saw me more clearly than I did, I fall more deeply in love with him.  Frankly, it is a huge turn on!

What Is It About Them?

Gerard Butler has this talent on the big screen.  What is most alluring about Gerard is his ability to look his leading lady in the eyes, stare deeply into her eyes, listen, and come away from the moment knowing, understanding, and loving her better.  Whether it is as King Leonidas in the testosterone filled “300” or as Gerry in the ladies’ choice “PS I Love You,” he does this amazing listening thing with every leading lady.  She gets his full attention with lots of direct eye contact!  While it sets up incredible expectations for men in relationships, he is the perfect “chick flick” actor because of this quality!

Of course, on television and in the movies, stories that take place over a period of days, months, even years are condensed to fill one or two hours.  Being that attentive in real life for one or two hours is asking a lot!  One of the reasons for the therapist’s 50-minute hour is because even professionally trained listeners can only attentively listen for just so long!  The idea that a woman could expect a man to be perfectly attentive at a moment’s notice, a good listener any time of day or night, and always appreciating her is pure fantasy.  However, taking some time to experiment with your listening skills and how you report back what you have heard could prove to have a nice pay off. 

Being Seen And Heard

Everyone loves to feel seen and heard.  It makes us feel valued and loved.  As such, Gerard and Simon can teach women the same thing about love.  Listening deeply to your man can be a big turn on.  However, I believe there is one significant difference between best listening skills for men and women.  While a woman loves it when her man deeply listens to her, discovering truths about her, and gently reporting those, it may be true that men prefer deep listening without a lot of feedback.

Deep listening requires two senses, hearing and sight.  As you listen to the words that are said, you also pay attention to the body language on display.  Chances are we can all think of conversations that turned into heated arguments when his or her words gave permission to speak while body language clearly said leave it alone. 

Really Listening….

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