Andrea and Scott had been seeing each other exclusively for about four months.  Andrea was ready to take the relationship to the next level.  She wanted to live with Scott but neither of them had enough room in their respective apartments for the other to move in. 

Andrea tried to lure the let’s-move-in-together conversation out of Scott to no avail.  However, she had gotten him to share with her his dreams of the perfect house and then she went out looking for it!

Finding it, she rented it.  Confident that making this house available to the two of them would turn the tide in her favor, Andrea could not wait to tell Scott her good news.  The next time she saw him, she made her announcement.

“Scott, wait till you hear, I’ve rented a house!  It is wonderful!  It has three bedrooms and two baths.  It has a charming little patio out back with room for a grill.  The appliances are all brand new!  Do you want to move in with me?  It is exactly the kind of house we’ve talked about.  I can have an office, you can have a workout room, and we can each have a bathroom if we want it that way!  Um…Scott…what’s wrong?”

Scott quit making eye contact with Andrea.  Feeling extremely uncomfortable, he knew that telling her he did not want to move in with her would mean risking a “relationship” conversation, where he would invariably find out his feelings about not wanting to take this step meant he had disappointed her. 

He had never encouraged her in this way.  He resented finding himself cornered and knew better than to agree to something he did not want at this time. 

Finally, he said, “I’m happy for you with your new home.  I can help you move, if you like.” 

Andrea’s heart sank and her face fell, revealing all her disappointment and embarrassment.  She felt rejected and feared the relationship was over. 

This scenario and others like it seem to be the norm for romantic relationships these days.  When I was growing up in the 1970’s, grade-school girls did not call boys.  Boys called girls.  If you wanted to hear from your favorite guy, you had to send the right signals while you were at school together and hope for the best. 

Girls Chasing Boys is the Norm

Girls who called boys got reputations.  By today’s standards that must seem naïve and innocent!  These days, girls chasing boys is no big deal.  Nevertheless, maybe it ought to be.

In the past thirty-five years, we have raised more daddy’s girls than ever before!  We want our young women to be independent, action-oriented, and successful.  We want them to be able to take care of themselves because in this uncertain world more women are taking care of not only themselves but also their children and their parents on their own. 

Daddy’s girls traditionally have the moxie and personal power to make it in a man’s world.  In addition, fathers do not have to be present for daddy’s girls to be created.  Out of longing for or even out of resentment of a missing father, a little girl can be so bound to him that she cannot help but grow up her father’s daughter.

If You’re Not Careful, Independence Can Ruin a Relationship….

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