A habit anyone can fall into that causes relationship stress is believing the stories we make up about our romantic partners. 

People can get tied up in knots inside because they believe the person they love the most is untrustworthy, controlling, dismissive, bossy, or any number of other things that have less to do with their partner’s reality than with their perception of the partner. 

If we share those made up stories with our friends, we can get some serious confirmation that the relationship is about to fail!  However, that confirmation is based on fantasy, not reality!

Stories Turned Into Fantasy

The stories we make up about our romantic partners may begin with a modicum of truth.  However, as give meaning to the stories, we hurt the relationship and ourselves unnecessarily.  Here are some examples of stories turned into fantasies.

“He still cares for his ex.  They have children together.  I can never compete with her.” 

With this story, every time he feels he has to make a choice between you and the children, you can interpret this normal circumstance that shows up in blended families to mean he still loves his ex and would rather be with her so why doesn’t he just go do it! 

Next thing you know, your blood pressure rises and you are feeling anger and jealousy that are more than the situation calls for!

“She flirts with my friends.  I wonder if she will cheat on me.  Maybe she is cheating on me.  I don’t like the way she looks at Tim or the way he looks at her.  She wouldn’t cheat on me, would she?  But, damn, she’s a flirt!” 

Here, you tune your antennae to every move she makes, waiting for her to break your heart.  The distrust that builds up is a sabotaging energy that is more likely to make it happen than her flirtatious personality.

“He/she hates it when I …fill in the blank.”  Does she really hate it?  Does he?  It is easy to project onto other people either the things we do not like about ourselves or the things that we have been told are our defects.  Maybe the noise you make when you chew your food doesn’t bother her. 

However, if you shrink up and apologize every time you become self-conscious about it because your last girl friend hated it, you have repeated moments of you appearing insecure to the woman you want to impress the most.

“He fantasizes about other women when he’s making love to me.”  This one is a relationship killer!  Unless he has been rude and actually told you he fantasizes about somebody else, let this one go. 

This is something insecure or inexperienced lovers latch onto in order to stroke their insecurity.  That kind of insecurity will look for ways and means to sabotage the relationship.  Why? 

Perhaps so they can feel as though they are at least in control of how the relationship ends.  Maybe their self-esteem is so low that they cannot help but create challenges to their self-esteem rather than learn to grow healthier self-esteem. 

Choose a Better Interpretation….

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