There are times when the stuff of life gets in the way of good loving. Whether it’s the demands of work, raising children, or friends and family who need extra attention, life is messy and therefore demanding. My husband and I have experienced this lately and stumbled upon a cure for turning our attention back on us as a couple.

The secret to breaking free of preoccupation with the stuff of life is simple and direct. It lies in the nature of who you are as a man and a woman.

Talking Sexy

If your husband is the one who is preoccupied, find moments to talk sexy. Find double entendres in his speech and get the pair of you giggling. Without needing anything from him in return, admire something about him that you find sexy. It could be the sound of his voice, the way he rests his weight on one leg while resting his hands on his hips when he’s standing around waiting for someone, the hair around his temples graying, or the way he handled a difficult situation. Whatever you can admire about your man, do it without a need for attention. In a relaxed atmosphere, your sexy talk and admiration will soften the cloud of preoccupation hovering around him. He’ll rest his handsome eyes on you, take you in, and allow the chemistry between you to percolate.

Talking Her Up

If your wife is the one who is preoccupied, find genuine ways to compliment her. If her hair is especially pretty or her outfit is particularly becoming, tell her so. If she has just cooked a delicious meal, really pour on the praise and do one more thing. Insist on either cleaning up after supper or insist on helping. Even if she is an “I’ve gotta do it my way so don’t get in my way” kind of woman and can actually be irritated by an extra pair of helping hands, then just clear the table for her. Or find her favorite music or something on television she’s keen on to keep her company while she works.

One of the nicest ways to compliment any woman is to notice the things she does to keep the household running smoothly, tell her you appreciate it, and offer to do some of those things so that she can have time to herself to relax. Particularly when she is preoccupied with fresh demands on her, perhaps a good friend is having surgery, for example; you can anticipate some of the stuff she usually takes care of and tell her you will handle it.

Talking Magic

You probably noticed that I suggest you do two completely different things depending on the sex of the person who is preoccupied. That is purposeful, so let me explain. When your spouse is preoccupied while you pine for his or her attention, the best way to get that attention is to get inside his or her head.

Most men are crazy about sex. A woman who can tease and cajole about sexy topics gets her man in touch with the thing that connects him to his heart, sex. That kind of gentle love talk can persuade him to relax and take notice of her like a magic spell. Most women feel as though they give too much. When her man appreciates everything she does, continues to find her attractive, and is proactive about lending a helping hand, he hands her an aphrodisiac that works, again, like magic.

So break through the preoccupation with the stuff of life by putting attention on the things that will speak care, concern, and interest to your spouse the most. While the “stuff” may continue to need his or her attention, you can get a little loving attention for yourself to tide you over till life is normal again.