I just read David Wygant's post on your blog, "Why You’d Be Crazy To Get Married Before You’re 30". Bravo! I loved it. I'm a life coach and counselor and one of my specialties is relationships. We we prevent so much heart-ache if people would follow this one piece of advice.

I couldn't agree with David more. People just don't know who they are before 30 and if you really want to create a successful marriage you have to a) know who you are (or at least be committed to finding out so you can attract a mate who will support you to find out WITHIN the marriage) and b) look at marriage as an opportunity to GIVE vs. GET. So many people think a relationship will fill those voids or compensate for those wounds and it just doesn't work that way.

Thanks for your great blog! I'll be back!

Sonia Miller
"The Voice of Your Soul"

I have to disagree with “Why You’d Be Crazy To Get Married Before You’re 30″ I am now 35 and my wife is 33. We have been together 16 years and married 13 years and have 2 wonderful children of 7 and 12. We were high school sweethearts and our marriage is strong and i love her just as much as i ever have. I know we will last forever.

I do not think you can make a blanket statement like that, it depends on each individual realationship.

You know what, BJ? You're right. It is unfair to make a blanket statement like that. But I must say that after 15 years of experience and training in the realm of relationships, I do believe that a marriage such as yours is probably more the exception than the rule.

Congratulations on your happy and successful marriage and family. May you serve as an inspiring role model for all who meet you.

Sonia Miller, BBA, MSW

I absolutely and completely agree to that.

Of course there are always exceptions, but I strongly believe that you need a certain level of experience and maturity before you could have a strong and healthy relationship.

As you said, the basic premise is to know yourself (and love yourself). Only then you are open for knowing others.

This takes years of living and loving.

Eddie

I totally agree, but as a woman I understand how difficult it would be to wait until after 30 to get married when so many of the decent male partners are taken by that time and the biological clock is ticking. A woman risks not finding the right guy anyway if she waits. I should know, after divorcing in my 40s and having to wait several years to find a man who was worth it! Some young people choose wisely on gut intuition and some are just lucky.

I am 49 years old. I married at 22 when my ex was 23. I met him when he was 21. We were right for each other in every way but one. I could not have foreseen this issue, and I daresay I probably would not have been able to foresee it even if I were older. I thought he was just young and inexperienced sexually, which accounted for his shyness in the bedroom. Unfortunately, even though he did his best to "open up" like other guys his age, he shut down sexually two years into the marriage. To this day no one knows what his problem is, least of all him, despite having gone for counseling and couples therapy years ago. We know he is not gay, though. Many have suspected that he was a victim of child abuse and can't get over it nor admit it to anyone. Sadly, we are still the best of friends and he has never found another relationship, although I have.

The thing is, there was no way I could have foreseen this whether I was 22, 32 or 42, looking at him at 21. The signs were just not there. A lot of guys I knew when I was young were shy and inexperienced and later "blossomed" sexually. He seemed to be coming along quite nicely when I dated him! How was I to know that there were deeper, darker secrets that lurked beneath my ex that would ruin the relationship? I don't think that even today at my age with all my experience and relationship savvy I could necessarily predict that of someone who is only 21. Maybe in some cases, but not one like this. But then again, if I had met my ex in his 30s and saw that he was shy in the bedroom, that would have been a red flag. So what you say about "knowing yourself" is only part of the equation. You also have to be able to know enough about your partner to make a wise decision, and if they are also not fully formed themselves until their 30s, you're taking a gamble on who they're going to be when they "grow up".

I would have missed out on a lot if I had followed this advice and not married at 19. It certainly wouldn't be wise to recommend that everyone get married at an early age but 30 plus isn't bulletproof either.

I have two brothers and a sister that all were married by the time they were 20 and all are still married to our original mate. We now range in age from 62 to 70 so this isn't from a standpoint of being to new to marriage to view it realistically.

If I hadn't married until 30 I wouldn't have had the privilege of having two daughters, before we were 25, who married at about the age my wife and I did and are still married to there original spouses and have a total of 8 kids.

It takes determination and dedication to each other to make a marriage work long term, but I sure would have missed out on a lot by not being able at age 66 to have been young enough to enjoy grandkids who are now 10 to 23 years of age.