What She Said:

I think this might be more fantasy then fetish.

Whether its BDSM, high heels or having your eyeballs licked, everyone has a sexual trigger, a turn on, a mild or full-blown fetish.  This day and age with so many easy access to porn online and “personal” massagers that you can pick up at the grocery store, it seems that everyone has an easy outlet for their turn on.

With so many odd fetishes it makes me wonder if regular vanilla sex is now the odd sex act. When you are in a sexual relationship, you want to do any thing and everything to please your partner. But, how do you handle them having this interest that you are not in to?  Maybe your guy is into a 3 some with Asians.  That idea is a turn off to you.

But before you worry about him jumping on a plane to Thailand, there are options. You could watch some Asian porn with him. Or why not dress up like a geisha. What if your man is into hardcore SM?  And your idea of a hot night does not include you dressed in leather wielding a horse whip.

As a compromise, you could wear big black boots and spank him a little. Basically every fetish has its oddities.  But in a relationship the best gift we can give our partner sexually is to offer them a safe place to share their fantasies with you.  A safe place to experiment and a place where there is no judgment.

No matter how kinky you find it to be, if you are open and honest with him about his desires, he in turn will be open to yours.  One night you smack him around a bit, and the next he might give it to you good ol missionary style.

What He Said

Be Proud Of Your Fetishes And Fantasies

I really think that thanks to the internet, vanilla sex is the new kinky sex. It’s like “Really? You just want to pound me missionary style? And a little oral sex? Well, you did buy me dinner and a movie. But that’s way too crazy for me! Can’t you just do something normal like punch me in the vagina repeatedly while humming the Star Spangled Banner and making tacos?” 
No?

That’s never happened to you, well, if it hasn’t you’re just not doing it right. It’s your duty to please that booty, so you should at least try to do what your partner is into. Don’t want to? Well, I’ve got news for you sparky.

You might not want to try oral sex or anal sex, but I guarantee your partner doesn’t want to do half the things they do just so they can get in your pants. That’s what love is: doing things you’d rather take a cheese grater to the genitals than do just to get laid. I mean for the one you love.

I think a lot of people are irrationally afraid of coming out to their partners about their fetishes, or fantasies whatever they may be. It doesn’t matter how weird or depraved or sick your sexual fantasy is. Someone wants to do it with you.

If that’s what your into, then be out and proud about it. If your partner isn’t into it, and you can’t come to some kind of understanding on the subject, then that’s a deal breaker. Get rid of them. It may suck, but finding your type of sex is an important key to happiness. I think Buddha said that. Or Oprah. Same thing.

They say life is too short to be unhappy. That’s not true. Life is too long when you’re unhappy. It goes by slow. Like slower than being suck on a Stairmaster next to someone having a conversation on their cell phone while reading a book on their iPad all while “exercising.”

Life is only short if you’re having fun. It’s the times that people enjoy that go fast. The things that suck (and not in a fun way) go by very, very slowly, and will eat you from the inside and literally kill you with boredom, worry, stress and all other manners of boring shit.

That doesn’t mean you have to get rid of your current lover. Just talk to them and be honest about who and what you are and what you are into sexually. You’ll both be glad you did.

This is very common in the BDSM scene and it shouldn’t be hard to tell your girlfriend about it if she is open minded. Every relationship has conflict, but your partner should be open to your sexual desires and making you happy. Here is how you should introduce your fetish to your girlfriend.

Tell Her About It

Before you can introduce this to your girlfriend you will need to tell your partner about it. Chances are that if you have a smoking fetish you are probably already having pretty hot sex. If you are already using bondage or S&M in your sex life with your girlfriend then this will probably not bother your partner all that much.

There is a chance that she is not turned on by smoke so it’s important to consider if this fetish is a deal breaker for the relationship. Sit your girlfriend down and talk to her about it. Tell her why it turns you on and ask  if she would be willing to try it out with you. If she is open minded, she will probably want to make you happy.

What If She Doesn’t Smoke?

If she doesn’t smoke there is a major issue. Asking your partner to take up a habit that could potentially be addicting and lead to cancer is not fair. Smoking a cigarette every once in awhile is not going to kill your girlfriend, but it could lead to regular use. It is never recommended to ask a partner to start a dangerous habit for your sexual desire.

There is a code in the BDSM scene called SSC (safe, sane and consensual). Smoking goes against the safe notion of this code so it’s important to realize that she probably will not go for it if she is not a smoker. If you are dating a smoker then she is going to be more opened minded about your fetish.

Establish The Ground Rules

Ground rules are essential for a smoking fetish. There are several varieties of a smoking fetish that are common in the scene, so it’s vital that you have some rules in place. For instance, many people who have a smoking fetish with BDSM like to use their partner as an ashtray.

While others don’t take it this far, some people even like to flick the ash onto their partner’s face. If you are going to be doing this then you need consent from your partner. The majority of guys get off on having a girl smoke while having sex or while giving a blowjob.

Talk to your partner about what she is willing to do and what is not willing to do. If you want to smoke while you are having sex with her, you need to make sure that she is going to be comfortable with this.

Be Safe

The problem with a smoking fetish is the chance that it could slip out of your hand or her hand. Make sure that you are being safe throughout the experience. There is always a chance that she could slip and burn you in a not so hardy area so be aware of this before you implement it into your sex life.

Have ashtrays and cups of water around the room. Open a window and use a fan if possible to get as much smoke out of the room. If you are smoking in a room that is carpeted you run the risk of the smell lingering.

Opening a window and using a fan can cut down on this immensely. Smoking involves fire and the heat of the moment could lead to drapes, carpeting or bed sheets getting burned.

Understand Breath Issues

Breath issues are always a concern with sex, but they are even more important with this fetish. Most guys are drawn to a woman inhaling and blowing out smoke instead of the smell on her breath.

Keep different forms of breath mints around the room for controlling cigarette breath. Listerine strips work the best because they dissolve instantly and kill bacteria in the mouth. This is will not get in the way as much as having to chew gum or suck on a mint.

Although there are those couples out there that tie each other up in chains or with other materials, you don’t have to do this in order to experience this kind of sex. If you have an interest in moving up in the scene, you need to understand the basics first.

What Is Bondage?

Bondage is basically the restraint of one partner as to not impede on the actions of the other partner. Many people love bondage because it allows them to relinquish control of what is happening to them. They don’t have to make decisions and they can be used for kinky sex.

They can also be teased in this position and not be able to do anything about it. Giving away all control is a turn on to a lot of men and women. If you are one of them then you need to start out with a basic understanding of what bondage is and what it is not. This does not have to do with whips or humiliation. Although Bondage is a part of BDSM, it is only a small part.

1. Establish Some Ground Rules

The ground rules should be set before you tie up your partner or before your partner ties you up. The ground rules are essential to knowing the limits of what you and your partner can do while either of your is inhibited.  If you are a little afraid of being tied up, you might want to pretend for first time or make the restraints loose enough to get out of.

Talk to your partner about what they want. Do they want their legs tied, their arms tied or a blindfold? Determine what you are comfortable with also. You might have a rule that they can only tease you when you are tied up but that they have to let you go before you have sex. Discuss anything that is going to make you uncomfortable with your partner and have them do the same so you are on the same page.

2. Use Safety Measures

There are a few terms that you should be familiar with. The bondage scene uses Safe, Sane And Consensual (SSC) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK). These basically mean that you should always have consensual play with your partner and you should never be impaired by drugs or alcohol. Come up with a safe word to say if you are feeling uncomfortable and make sure that it’s something you would never use in the moment.

3. Get Tied Down

Now that you have all of that out of the way, it’s time to get tied down. Since you’re a beginner you probably don’t have all of the equipment needed. Get a couple of pairs of pantyhose and tie your partner to the bedpost or have her tie you to the bedpost.

Use a simple knot that will hold, but a knot that you could ultimately break if needed. If you want to start out slow, simply tie their hands together without securing them to the bed.

4. Use Some Objects

A feather is the easiest way to get started. It can feel good and it’s very teasing. Run the feather up and down your partner’s body or have them run the feather up and down your body. Tease them with the feather until they are begging for you. At this point, don’t give in.

The feather is most widely used object for teasing, but you can also use different sex toys. A feather is going to be enough for a guy, but a vibrator works very well with women. Run the vibrator over her nipples and her down her thigh. Don’t put it on her clitoris or inside her just yet. Wait until she is sucking in her stomach.

This is an involuntary refllex to try to get you to put the vibrator on her. Gradually work the vibrator around her clitoris and watch as she tugs on the restraints. Always follow the rules when you’re using objects or sex toys.

This form of sex is a fun way to put a little kink into the relationship. If you have an interest in bondage, following this simple guide will give you a crash course in what you like and what you don’t like. Remember to keep to the rules and never do anything that you or your partner is uncomfortable with.

BDSM is very kinky and can be a lot of fun. However, your comfort level might not be the same as your partner’s. It doesn’t matter if you’re a newbie or a veteran of the scene, you should always know what you are comfortable with and what is going to be beyond your limits. Here is a quick guide to help you get started with BDSM.

What Are You Into?

As mentioned before, there are a lot of subsets with BDSM. Whether you’re into bondage or domination, you need to determine what makes you hot. Some men are really into dominating their partner while others would rather be the submissive. If you are into being whipped or incorporating a little pain into the relationship then you must be careful.

Telling your girlfriend or wife to bite your nipples is a little different than being chained to a bed and flogged. Determine what you are into and what is off limits before you ever bring this up with your partner. Knowing your limits will help define what is acceptable and what is not.

Master Vs. Slave

“Master” and “slave” are a very common terms in BDSM. In this scenario, one of you will be the master and one of you will be the slave. The master controls all aspects of the slave’s life. This means they control their privacy, what they do and when they can perform certain tasks. In many cases, the slave will wear a uniform and a collar. Some slaves do not feel comfortable wearing a collar, but others prefer it. In this form of domination, the actions do not always have to be sexual.

A master can designate certain tasks for the slave to complete. These tasks could include housework or sexual actions. The master is in charge of the slave and the slave must abide by the master’s rules. If you are interested in either of these roles, it’s recommended that you get direction from an experienced dominatrix or a slave.

Experimenting With Bondage

Bondage is another form of BDSM that you can get into fairly easily. The most intricate of bondage equipment will involve chains or bed straps, but you can easily improvise. Using neckties or pieces of satin fabric will not break the skin but can restrain easily. Rope is not recommended unless you are experienced because it will irritate the skin during movement.

Handcuffs work well and can be found at local adult stores or at toy stores. It’s recommended that you buy a good pair of handcuffs as plastic can break easily. If you are the one being restrained, make sure that your partner secures the restraints so you cannot move easily. Bondage allows you or your partner to relinquish control, which a lot of people find sexy.

What Is Masochism?

Masochism is another aspect of BDSM. Masochism is a consensual agreement between you and your partner involving the giving and the receiving of pain. There are different levels of masochism. There is extreme pain and then there is just a little pain. If you have ever enjoyed your girlfriend or wife scratching you with her fingernails then you have experienced a very tame form of masochism.

Masochism is enjoyed in the realm of sexuality. In order words, slamming your hand in a door is not the same as getting whipped by your girlfriend. Start off slow with masochism. Getting too much pain at once can ruin the experience quickly. Start out with a bullwhip and then work your way up to other tools.

Always Keep Safety In Mind

Safety is a must when it comes to BDSM. You must keep safety in the forefront of your mind so you are not only comfortable but also safe from any diseases or puncture wounds. It’s all too easy to get over-enthusiastic and wind up with a lash across your back that hurts for days or even scars. Have a safe word in place with your partner and research any methods that you are going to use before you implement them into the bedroom.

Make sure that all of your restraints are secure so they don’t come flying off the bedposts while in use. Also make sure that your restraints aren’t going to damage your furniture. Discuss any rules beforehand with your partner so they know what is off limits. Use these guidelines and you should be off to a great start with your first BDSM experience.

It’s important to remember that every guy and girl has a fetish of something to some degree. Whether they have a thing for being dominated, oral sex or a specific body part, a fetish is just an admiration. Some guys are into breasts while others love a nice pair of legs on a girl.

An admiration for feet is not that out there and you shouldn’t be embarrassed by it. If you are still worried about telling your girlfriend about your foot fetish, there are a few things that you can do to make the situation more comfortable.

Don’t Go All In

Chances are you have already had sex with your girlfriend. During sex you have probably abstained from licking or sucking on her feet. If you have licked or sucked on her feet or toes and she has not mentioned it making her uncomfortable then half the battle is already won.

If you have not done anything to her feet then you are starting at square one. Have a healthy respect for your partner and do not try anything that is going to make her uncomfortable before you get a chance to talk to her about it.

This is pretty universal for any fetish, but it’s essential for a foot fetish. Many people find feet disgusting and this could be a huge turn off if implemented without explaining yourself first.

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Consequences

This is easier said than done, but you shouldn’t be afraid of any possible rejection. Sex is an important part of every relationship and if you are with somebody that isn’t going to accommodate you in the bedroom then they are probably not right for you.

When your girlfriend entertains your fetish she shows that she really does care about you. She should not be judgmental about your fetish as she probably has something that she’s into also. You want to be with somebody that you can express yourself openly with.

A girlfriend who is judgmental and doesn’t try to understand your foot fetish will be a lifelong hang up that you will regret. It is not uncommon and you should not feel like you’re going to be excommunicated from society after telling her about it.

Remember Her Needs

Comfort is an essential part of every relationship. When you are telling her about your likes, it’s important to realize her needs also. If she is going to entertain your foot fetish then there is probably something that you can do for her. A trade off in the bedroom is always nice because each partner gets what he or she wants. If she is going to let you worship her feet then you should be just accommodating to something that she needs.

Telling Her

Don’t tell her about it over dinner or just before you’re having sex. Arrange a time when neither of you are busy and sit her down. Just say, there’s something that I want to talk about with you. Once she is comfortable, tell her outright. Don’t beat around the bush.

Come right out and tell her in easy to understand terms. You don’t want to be explicit when you’re telling her about your foot fetish, but you want her to understand that this is an important part of your sexually and you want to implement it into your sex life. Ask her if she is comfortable enough with it and what she will not be comfortable with. The key is to get her talking honestly about the situation.

The Benefits

The benefits of talking to your partner about your foot fetish are immense. Putting that feeling in your stomach to rest and having a healthy relationship with somebody that you love is essential. When you tell her about it, ask her about anything that you can do to make her happier with your sex life.

More than likely there is something that you can do to turn her on in the bedroom. Communication is the key to any relationship. When there is no communication, secrets and resentment can set in. Talk to your girlfriend about your it. A relationship without proper communication cannot be successful so be as upfront and honest with her as possible.

Do Men Go Overboard On Purpose?

Though not really wishing to hurt or disrespect his partner, he’s just one sold to the image of a man holding his girl by the head, shoving his equipment down her throat during a blowjob. He doesn’t mean to be a pig, he just thinks it’s supposed to be that way and actually hopes his lady loves it! Not hearing any real grievances from her, he gives her a rough time.

There’s this idea that women want their men to dominate – that women want to be sexually led. I have found this assertion to be very true.

Of course, a woman wants her man to assume control. Dominance themes populate a woman’s fantasies and she cherishes the feeling of being overwhelmed, overpowered and unable to restrain her man’s carnal cravings. She wants her partner to take her, bring her unimaginable pleasure and have his way with her body. Many times, the desire for this is repressed.

Unfortunately, the manner in which many guys administer dominance, as a response to this need, suggests only a partial understanding of the concept. For many, real control is manifested when one makes a girl do something she doesn’t approve of – say, an almost impossible sex position. Or making her swallow semen even though she genuinely doesn’t want to. For them, that’s power.

What Women REALLY Want

But do you know what women actually mean when they say, “I want my man to take control”?

This: I WANT MY MAN TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

So while men gloat, “Wow, she wants me to take the lead, I can do anything I want,” women are thinking, “I just really want him to take good care of me.”

Can their thinking be more opposite?!

Being given control is no license to be unreasonable, for dominance never equals disrespect. Control need not be rude or abusive, it can be dignified and erotically irresistible at the same time. Yeah, you can probably do anything you want, but be responsible.

She gave you control in the first place because she trusts that you know what you’re doing. Leading the mattress moves gives one the opportunity to prove her right on that decision. (Why would you ever want to prove her wrong on that point?)

Every now and then, a woman craves the feeling of being roughed up. Even the non BDSM types want that. But lo and behold, rough and hard is just one of the ways. Having it as a pattern and the sole sexual theme is actually counterproductive. When you’re giving her intense anal sex, with your hands on her neck and she’s thinking, “There has to be something better than this,” that’s already something else.

How To Do Domination The Right Way

If you want to execute the dominance theme on a given night, and with the desired results, make sure of one very important thing. The proper execution of rough & hard hinges on this – HIGH AROUSAL. Not just simple arousal, but head-spinning desire, ushered in by plenty of teasing. When she’s burning with lust, that’s when rough sex can get you the desired effects. (Ironically, a successful execution of dominant sex is built through slow and gentle coaxing.)

As I’ve said, the longing to be dominated is a repressed one, and women are scarcely aware of it. What brings this impulse to surface and fore is high arousal. Unless a girl is intensely excited, she’ll be turned-off and take offense with the perceived manhandling. She won’t appreciate your overly aggressive moves; you’re being too rough with her. But when she’s burning hot, she sheds that rational, defensive normalcy of polite society and becomes very amenable to your advances.

It’s amazing how sexual palatability changes when a woman is crazy horny. Arousal gives leeway for your dominance so you can execute it with the desired results. (She may give ‘token resistance,’ but this doesn’t last very long.)

Rough and hard cannot be executed on a nightly basis as it will rapidly lose its charm – the true masters of wild sex know this. Avoid the routine trap, having it as a pattern turns one raw lover into an incompetent jerk.

What Does She Mean When She Says “Be Gentle?”

We have no scale for it, but there’s such a thing as MAN GENTLE and WOMAN GENTLE – and there’s a big difference. Gentle for you may still be rough for her. MAN GENTLE is not enough – it’s the wrong yardstick.

Why?

In case you didn’t know, men and women live in different worlds. The sensual-gentle approach does not blend in our dog-eat-dog world where we are expected to be strong and aggressive. Outside the love chambers, guys are encouraged to be rough. Gentle is lame. As cowboys, we’re highly applauded for wrestling with bulls. As business men, we vanquish the competition. As athletes, we learn to give the most punishing defense, and in return, earn multimillion dollar contracts.

And of course, women love these exploits. But they don’t live in that kind of world.

In order to approximate the female version, a man has to be extra-mild & extra-careful because the genders have different thresholds, and therefore, different judgments of what is supposed to be this or that. It is a common situation where a girl feels roughed up despite a dude’s best efforts. It should be made clear that every time she drops the “G” word on you, she’s referring to the female version of things.

A relationship is about love, but your sex life should be full of lust. If you would like to use some kinky rough sex in your sex life, there are a few ways that you can implement it without spending your mortgage at an adult store.

1. Role-Play

Role-play is fun, kinky and it doesn’t have to cost you a dime. Everybody has a scenario in their head about role-playing that gets them going. Whether you have a fantasy about being dominated by a teacher or being the dominator in the relationship, role-playing can bring out the inner wild with any couple. Talk to your partner about implementing role-playing into your sex life.

In order for this to work, she has to be on-board. If she does not play her role the both of you could spend the night in laughter instead of having sex. Ask her what kind of role-playing she would be into. Every woman has a fantasy that they want to play out so be confident that she will not think you are strange for bringing this up.

2. Domination

Domination is another rough sex idea that you can bring into your sex life. Dominating your girlfriend or having her dominate you is a great way to keep the sex interesting. Pulling her hair can show that you’re in control of the sex. Again, she has to be comfortable with this situation in order for it to work.

Talk to her about how far she wants you to go or how far you are comfortable with her going. There is always a breaking point, but she might surprise you with how far she is willing to go with the situation. Most guys are not afraid to let their girlfriends dominate them to the fullest, but you should also express concerns of what you’re comfortable with her doing to you.

3. Spanking

Spanking is another rough sex idea that you can use. Spanking is usually done in doggy style or with the girl on top. Some girls are really into this, but others are not. Make sure that your girlfriend knows that you’re going to spank her before you do it.

Do not spank her so hard that you leave a hand print on her cheek. If she wants it harder she will tell you. You can also use a whip if she’s into it. This takes the experience to a whole different level while still keeping the eroticism present.

4. Bondage

One of the best kinky rough sex ideas out there is to have her tie you up or to tie her up. When you are tied up you give away control of the situation. You give her the ability to use you as her own sex toy. This can be very hot for any guy. If you are going to tie her up, there are a few things that you should know. First, teasing her is the best way to get her off when she’s tied up. Use a vibrator to tease her or run a piece of soft fabric down her body.

This will bring her to edge and make her beg for you to go further. Secondly, don’t give her what she wants until you are ready to. When you tie her up you are in control. You are the dominant one in the situation so you call the shots. If she wants you to do something, tease her for a couple of minutes before you give in. Make minutes seem like hours and she will never forget it.

Who Wants A Boring Sex Life?

Nobody enjoys a boring a sex life. Having variety in the bedroom is a natural form of keeping things interesting. Doing missionary every time or knowing that somebody is going to have an orgasm right at five minutes thirty seconds into girl on top is not the most exciting way to go through life. In an effort to keep the monotony out of our sex lives we try new things.

We bring in sex toys, role-playing and other aspects of naughtiness to keep the spark. Kinkiness is essential for this, however, when does the kink turn into something more? The line between kink and fetish is kind of grey, but there are certain keys to finding out if you are just kinky or have an all out fetish. Here are the main differences between the two.

What Is Kinky?

The definition of kinky can vary from person to person depending on whom you talk to. Some people find that simply having a girl on top is kinky while others think of this as a standard sexual position. Some people will find using handcuffs in the bedroom is really kinky while others consider it a requirement. It’s not very easy to define kinky because so many people are beginning to take hold of their sexuality.

Normal loving sex with one woman and one man will usually involve the missionary position, eye contact and kissing. Many people find dirty talk to be extremely kinky. When you start talking about what kinky is it’s really up for personal interpretation. So if we don’t know what kinky is, how do we know what a fetish is? The fact of the matter is that defining this is actually much easier than defining what kinky is.

What Is A Fetish?

Defining this is actually fairly simple. This is basically when you derive sexual arousal from something that is not grouped into sexuality. For instance some people have a fetish for high heels. High heels are not directly attributed to sexuality, however, high heels are commonly referred to as sexy. High heels are a little bit different than a vibrator or a dildo.

Although a vibrator and a dildo can be seen as sexy, they are directly attributed to sexuality because they are used for giving sexual gratification. High heels are simply an accessory used to give a woman more height. While a lot of men find high heels to be an extreme turn on, most men would be able to get aroused without the presence of high heels. This takes us to our next key term in defining what this actually is.

Fixation Makes The Difference

One of the most important aspects of having a fetish is fixation. Fixation is the obsession with a characteristic, action or an inanimate object in a sexual nature. For instance, if we went back to the high heel example, this would involve a guy that could not get sexually aroused without the presence of high heels. This is much different than finding high heels extremely sexy. Wanting your girlfriend or wife to wear high heels in the bedroom once or twice is kinky, while needing your wife or girlfriend to wear high heels every time is considered a fetish.

This doesn’t have to work with objects though. You probably hear men say that they love “blondes.” If you have an affinity for blonds, but you would also date a brunette then you don’t have a fetish. If you your affinity for blondes was something more, you would not find any other color of hair acceptable or sexually desired. This can also be present in different actions.

For instance, to be fixated on voyeurism or exhibition would mean that you could not have an orgasm unless you were watching another couple having sex or unless another couple was watching you. Public sex, certain sexual positions and role-playing can also be a fetish, while doing them every once in a while is just kinky.

Affects It Can Have

A fetish can actually be a lot of fun, but there are certain ones that can be a problem for certain relationships. They can also be draining for the other person. Always having to wear high heels to give you an orgasm or acting out a certain scene cuts down on the spontaneity of the moment. Always remember that your likes and dislikes should be considered just as much as your partner’s needs. Never forget that a relationship works two ways and nobody can get their way all the time.

What Is Domination?

Domination is a very basic term. You have probably already experienced this and didn’t even know it. The dominant partner is the one who is steering the experience. The antithesis of dominance is submission. If you tend to steer the experience or initiate sex more often then you are the dominant one in the bedroom. This is much different than the other aspects of your relationship. One of you could be dominant in the bedroom but submissive with everyday decisions like where to eat. The more dominant person in bed will be the one who changes the positions or sets the pace for the sexual rhythm.

The Appeal

There are a lot of reasons that people are into this. For some people with high paying jobs or social anxiety it’s easier to allow somebody to make all of the decisions for them. Giving away control is one of the biggest turn-ons for people who are into it. When you are making decisions all day, having somebody come in and tell you what to do is a change of pace that takes your mind off the pressures of work, school or other aspects of your life. Domination is an aspect of every part of society. It doesn’t matter who you are, you always answer to somebody. Having someone answer to YOU in the bedroom is an erotic way of letting loose and relieving the pressures of life.

Safety Matters!

When people first start out, they usually don’t take safety as seriously as they should. Safety is an essential part of every sexual experience, but it’s especially important with domination. Sex has a way of escalating. When you are comfortable with one aspect of sex you or your partner might try to implement something that you aren’t ready for simply because you’re caught up in the moment. Take precautions by implementing a safe word. A safe word is something that you would not normally say in the bedroom. “Falcon” is an example that could be used because you would probably never say this in the middle of sex. When you or your partner says the safe word you will know that they are uncomfortable with the situation or that they are in pain.

Trust Is Important

Trust is another issue with this, as you must trust your partner to not take the experience too far. Many people get off on finding a stranger to dominate them, but this isn’t recommended. Having a loving relationship with a little kink in the bedroom is healthy. Meeting somebody on Craigslist to tie you up and spank you incessantly is not a recommendation to endorse. Make sure that your partner are comfortable with everything by talking about it beforehand. Find out what they are not comfortable with so you know before you have sex. This is also a way to find out what really turns them on.

It is a great way to easily add a little spice to your relationship. It’s only natural for one partner to be more dominant than the other in the bedroom. If you or your partner is more dominant and it turns you on, talk to your partner about exploring the possibility of taking the dominance to the next level. There are very simple forms of domination that can be effective without the use of straps or whips. Holding your partners hands down or light spanking in the moment are effective without being too “out there.”

It’s important to remember that we experience domination every day through work and other aspects of our life. Getting off on it doesn’t make you strange. Bringing your fantasies to the forefront of your relationship can improve communication and your sex life. Talk to your partner about implementing more of this into your sex life and you will see a vast improvement in your closeness.

• How To Be A Naughty Girl
• Top 10 Most Common Kinks And Fetishes (Video)
• Bondage 101: What Every Player Needs To Know
• Extreme Bondage – 7 Tools That Advanced Players Should Have On Hand
• Should You Try Water Bondage?
• Amateur Bondage – 8 Tools That Beginners Should Have On Hand
• Bondage 101: How To Get Started With Bondage (Video)
• 3 Tips For Keeping Rough Sex Unpredictable (Video)
• 10 Best Places To Have Kinky Sex (Video)
• What Is Fisting? Is It Safe? (Video)

Don’t miss out on our all time, most popular BDSM, kink and fetish articles!

• Kinky Sex: 6 Sex Fetishes You Didn’t Know Existed
• How To Introduce Your Girl To Bondage (Video)
• Kinky Sex 101: Adding Flavor To Vanilla (Video)
• Q&A: BDSM – How To Introduce Your Partner To Domination (Video)
• How To Deal With Your Partner’s Secret Diaper Fetish
• BDSM Around The House – Things You Can Use For BDSM That You Already Have!

We’ve also had a lot of fun this year trying out different sex toys – we’ve been reviewing them so we can give you the lowdown on what toys are super hot and which ones are definitely not. Take a few minutes to check out our favorites for bondage, domination or just plain kinky sex!

• Under The Bed Restraint System (our personal favorite for beginner’s bondage play!)
• The Rhino Penis Extension & Sexual Solution (Great if she likes that “full” feeling, or deep and hard penetration)
• Petite Vibrating Nipple Teasers (these warm up and vibrate, but are made for small nipples – also can be used for the clitoris!)

Foot Fetish

People with a foot fetish get sexually aroused by women’s feet. A foot fetish and a shoe fetish are often mistaken for one another – people with a shoe fetish are sexually aroused by shoes and feet in them, but usually not by feet in general. Those with a foot fetish are the exact opposite – they are sexually aroused by feet, which may or may not include footwear. This could be in the form of just looking at feet, licking and sucking on them or involving them in sexual activity.

Role Playing

Tons of people enjoy role playing, whether they’re avid BDSM enthusiasts or couples that could be considered relatively “vanilla.” Role play is so much fun, because it allows you to experience different sexual fantasies without going too far outside your box (or outside your relationship). Some sex role play fantasies include:

• Hot nurse (or doctor), ailing patient
• Teacher, naughty student
• Sexy cop, person getting arrested

Breasts

It’s no secret that a big number of guys have a breast fetish! Most guys absolutely love breasts and will watch porn that features women with large breasts or sexual acts taking place with breasts, and they’ll also pay special attention to their lover’s breasts during sex. Some guys will enjoy grossly enlarged breasts (we’re talking HUGE), while others just like ones that are pretty big. Men with breast fetishes may have a particular interest in nipples, but not all of them will.

Butts

It’s also not at all uncommon for some guys to be aroused by butts – especially the nice, large, round variety. Most guys with a special attraction towards butts are going to enjoy rear entry sex positions. They may also really like anal sex. Interestingly enough, there are many guys who are “butt guys” and many guys who are “breast” guys, but very few men (if any) are actually both.

Public Sex

People love the idea of having public sex. There’s just something about having sex around other people – who could possibly see you – that seriously gets people off! Some couples may role play the idea of having public sex – or choose to do it somewhere really discreet where it’s almost impossible to get caught – while others really will get it on out in the open, without regard to getting caught. For some, the idea of getting caught (and actually getting caught) is the biggest turn on of all.

Shoe Fetish

Again, a shoe fetish is a largely popular form of sexual gratification – but it is often mistaken for a foot fetish. A shoe fetish is going to be specifically centered around shoes (and sometimes feet in them). The shoes are almost always high heels, and often very “bondag-ey” looking. Fetish footwear often includes lots of straps, buckles and leather! Some shoe enthusiasts feel like the higher the heel, the better.

Piercings & Tattoos

People have long linked pain with pleasure, and many people will say that there’s a fine line between the two. It’s not hard to figure out that there’s a lot of people on this planet that enjoy not only getting piercings and tattoos, but being around other people that have them as well. However, did you know that a lot of people who enjoy piercings and tattoos get sexually aroused by them? They will be more inclined to have sex with someone that is pierced or tattooed than someone who isn’t, and may even be sexually aroused by the process of getting tattooed or pierced.

Domination & Submission

This is also one of the more popular forms of BDSM & fetishes, because so much fun can be had if you’re creative with domination and submission. Some people have a personality that leans more towards a dominant nature, while others will have a more submissive personality. This can work really well in couples, because dominant and submissive personalities will usually feed off each other.

Rough Sex

This goes back to pleasure being linked to pain. Many couples enjoy BDSM and rough sex, which may include:

• Slapping
• Spanking
• Biting
• Restraints
• Hard and fast penetration that typically goes deeper than “normal”

Certain Fabrics

Believe it or not, it’s not at all uncommon for people to be aroused by the feel and texture of certain fabrics when they rub up against the skin. This can include:

• Satin
• Silk
• Leather
• Rubber
• Velvet

People who are sexually aroused by different kinds of fabric will often have pajamas, lingerie or their sheets that are made of this particular fabric.

Question: I have a fantasy of having sex with my step mom. Almost every day she wears these pants that when she bends over you can see her ass perfectly, and my urges keep getting more and more frequent! I’ve gone to many other people, all with no help. She is also about to get breast implants, so that makes it all the worse! Your videos have helped me out a lot, so please help me on this one!

–YouTube Viewer

A MILF Fantasy Is Perfectly Normal

Boys, especially those going through puberty, are going to be attracted to random hot women, possibly all hot women. If your stepmother is hot, it’s not out of the ordinary that you would have a sexual fantasy about her! Lots of guys have gone through or are going through the same thing. You’re just attracted to a hot woman who just happens to be your step-mother. You don’t have to make it any more complicated than that.

Acting On Your Fantasy

While a MILF fantasy is actually very common, it’s not one that you can act on. Even if you’re over the age of eighteen and you and your step-mother are both consenting, you’re still going to hurt a lot of people if you make that decision. Your family would likely be very hurt and feel very betrayed if you and your step-mother got it on.

If you’re under age, that’s a whole different ball game – things could be much worse if you did anything about your fantasy. Also, it’s likely that your step-mother most absolutely does not share this fantasy, and you could damage your relationship with her and the rest of your family if you tell her that you think about her sexually.

You can’t help that you’re having this fantasy, so what do you do? If you end up masturbating every day while thinking about your step-mother, you’re not going to be the first guy that has ever done that. Masturbation is an excellent relief for fantasies that you just can’t be a part of in real life. However, if you actually act on your fantasy, you could be crossing a line that you can never un-cross.

Consider Counseling

If your MILF fantasy really bothers you and you just can’t get away from it (and you really want to) consider counseling. There’s nothing wrong with seeing an unbiased counselor or third party that can help you talk through your feelings and problems. People put so much stigma on going to a therapist – especially for sex related issues – but if you want to get to the root of the problem, therapy is about as good as it gets.

Don’t think that seeing a therapist automatically makes you a weaker guy. What counseling can do is help you talk through your issues and learn the tools you need to become a better person and live a happier, more fulfilled life. On a side note, talking to your step-mother about this fantasy of yours is probably not a good idea.

Redirect That Energy Elsewhere

If counseling isn’t something you can or want to do, think about ways you can redirect this energy. Think about what it is about your step-mother that turns you on so much. Is it her physique? Perhaps she has a nice butt or legs that just won’t quit. If you can isolate just what it is about her that turns you on, you can redirect that energy to adult films and magazines that feature women with large butts, long legs, or whatever it is that you think turns you on the most.

Even if you can’t find something in particular, there is surely going to be another girl you find attractive. Exploring magazines, websites, films and art can help you find other women to look at that also turn you on. If you’re old enough and dating is an option, get more social and talk to girls.

You may be attracted to your step-mother’s personality, simply because you haven’t been close or conversed much to other women. Dating can help you redirect your energy into finding a girl that you’re attracted to that you can get to know without the repercussions that getting involved with your step-mother would bring.

Why Is It So Popular?

Bondage is popular for many different reasons. For some, the act of tying their lover up or being tied up is in some way liberating. Part of the appeal is that there are two very different roles required to make it happen – the dominant one, or the “top” and the submissive one, or the “bottom.” People are naturally inclined to be either a little more submissive or a little more dominant – and whichever role they seem to lean towards appeals to their inner desires in a bondage scenario.

How To Introduce It To A Nervous Partner

If someone who really enjoys the bondage and fetish world lands in a relationship with someone who has never tried it before, it can be quite nerve wracking. The partner with expertise in the area often wonders how to introduce their fantasies to their newbie lover, and they are of course, terrified of scaring them off or freaking them out.

The best way to introduce any type of sexual fetish, including bondage, to a person that has never tried it before is to start small and work your way up. Don’t bring in a huge ball gag and frightening looking metal cuffs for the first time.

Try a little light restraining with something benign like fuzzy handcuffs. Pair the restraint scenario with a favorite sexual activity of theirs that you know they absolutely love – like oral sex. Associating something new with something they already love sexually is a great way to put a positive spin on something that could otherwise be really “outside their box.”

As your partner gets more and more into it, you can talk to them about their fantasies (you’ll definitely want to give them the opportunity to express and act out their own sexual fantasies too) and gradually work your way up to whatever level of restraint you and your partner are most aroused by and comfortable with.

Experimenting With Restraints During Sex & Masturbation

Lovers of bondage as well as those who are new to it can play during sex with a partner or alone, during masturbation. While restraint scenarios are much easier to get into when there’s a partner involved, singles don’t have to give up their BDSM lives during their singledom just because someone else isn’t there to tie them up. Try wearing a ball gag or handcuffs during masturbation.

There are also lots of great places to meet fellow bondage and fetish enthusiasts, especially if you live in a larger city. If you’re single and are either looking for a romance with a dom or sub, or just want to engage in some casual play, there are tons of resources out there.

How To Get Started

If you’re new to bondage, whether you’re interested in experimenting with it on your own or have a partner that wants to get you into it, it can be a little intimidating getting started from scratch. Your first order of business is to invest in a few good tools of the trade. A basic silk rope or a restraint kit is perfect for beginner’s arm and leg restraint. A feather tickler and a paddle are also fun ways to get started with pain and pleasure play.

What’s New In Bondage & Fetish?

There is always something new and exciting in bondage & fetish, because the whole idea is to push the boundaries of what is acceptable and what isn’t. BDSM enthusiasts are always trying to push the envelope, so there’s always something different to find.

Recent adult films and many fetish-centric websites show some of the never before seen, don’t-try-this-at-home restraint scenarios, while many adult toy stores are starting to shelve some of the newest and sexiest bondage gear out there.

No matter what you’re looking for, whether it’s a beginner’s kit and a very vanilla video or a leather whip and a ball gag that you definitely wouldn’t want company to see, it’s out there. Bondage is sex, it’s art and it’s loved by many!

Question: I just finished watching your video about the teenager who is a macrophile, which motivated me to ask my question. I am a 16 y/o female and have been into omorashi my whole life. I don’t know when it started, but I can remember this fetish existing back to age 3. I hate it, I think it’s gross, I don’t know why it started, and I want to get rid of it. Can I do that? It is the only thing I get off on (for lack of a better term) and I don’t want it to be. I feel like a freak. Can you guys help me? Also, if I can’t get rid of it, how do I go about telling a future boyfriend/husband about this?

–YouTube Viewer

What Is Omarashi?

Omarashi is the Japanese term for a “panty wetting” fetish. It’s not necessarily the act of urinating in the underwear that is arousing to Omarashi enthusiasts, it’s the act of “waiting until you can’t hold it anymore” that is the turn on. This can also be called bladder desperation. While enthusiasts find the actual wetting arousing, they may also be sexually attracted to the feeling of having a full bladder or to someone else who is experiencing the feeling of a full bladder.

Most Fetishes Aren’t Harmful

Some people are freaked out by their own fantasy more so than they are the fetishes of others – which is saying something, considering that it’s common for them to think that their own fantasy is “normal” while what other individuals enjoy is “strange” or “weird.” However, most fetishes are actually completely harmless. Some individuals may think a foot fetish is odd (even the person with the fetish), but in all actuality, there’s nothing harmful at all about enjoying feet sexually or collecting sexy shoes and high heels.

Even “stranger” fetishes like wetting, macrophilia, infantophilia or diaper fetish, and cuckoldism among others are completely harmless, although they wouldn’t necessarily be considered “normal” by most. As long as no one is getting hurt and everything that happens is between consenting adults, there’s really nothing wrong with any fantasy that’s out there.

Don’t Let Others Judge You – And Don’t Judge Yourself

If you’re ashamed of your fantasy or prefer to keep it hidden, you probably don’t have to worry about others judging you. However, some fetish enthusiasts can be pretty hard on themselves for liking what they like – and if it’s not hurting anyone and you’re still able to lead a relatively normal and fulfilling life, there’s no reason to be so critical of what you enjoy. If you have a different sort of fantasy that might hurt someone or something like rape or bestiality, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible. However, if it’s not hurting anyone and it still bothers you, try to think about what exactly it is that freaks you out about it.

What Bothers You About It?

Find out what it is about your fantasy that bothers you – what exactly is it that you find distasteful in what you enjoy? Is it because you and others see it as “dirty” or “wrong” or is it due to hygiene issues or anything else? There are tons of possible reasons as to why something that you enjoy sexually might gross you out or bother you in some way – it’s your job to dig around and find out which one it is. Once you isolate the real issue, only then can you begin to resolve it.

Getting Rid Of A Fetish Because It’s Overtaking Your Life

If you have a fantasy that is overtaking your life and you’re unable to live a normal, healthy and happy life, getting rid of it is definitely in order. Here are some signs that it’s going too far:

• It’s all you ever think about. For example, with a masturbation addiction, masturbation will nearly consume the thoughts of the addict. How often are you thinking about your fetish?
• You can’t afford it and it hurts you financially.
• It affects your relationships with your friends, family and significant others.

How To Overcome It

You most likely want to see an unbiased counselor that you’re comfortable with to talk through your issues with your fantasy. A lot of people with issues they’re ashamed of won’t go see a counselor, however, it’s pretty difficult to work through something like this on your own. This goes back to not letting anyone judge you – there’s nothing wrong with seeking help, ever. If you’re seeking help for any problem that you have and you’re committed to working through it, more power to you. Don’t let anyone bring you down! Also, remember that everything that goes on at a counselor’s office is confidential.

Redirect The Energy To Something Else

Whenever you feel the urge to engage in your fantasyg, think about consciously redirecting that energy to doing something else. For example, instead of looking at porn, try to meditate or do yoga. Pick up a hobby that you really enjoy such as painting or working on cars and do that whenever you feel the urge to engage in your fetish come on. Try getting out of the house – take a walk or adopt a pet that requires a fair amount of your time and attention.

Accepting Your Fantasies

Your sexual fantasies may not be something you are able to rid yourself of – let’s face it, people like what they like and sometimes you can’t change that. If your fetish isn’t hurting anyone and it only involves consenting adults, consider simply accepting it. Consider not letting anyone judge you for it, including yourself! There are individuals out there that enjoy the same things you do, or enjoy things that would be complementary to what you enjoy, like with BDSM where a submissive personality and a dominant personality get together and enjoy their fantasies. If you can’t make it go away of it, learn to accept it!

Question: Hey guys, I am a BDSM master. I’ve had a lot of people ask me about rape fantasy sex with their partner. I’ve told them, just like an BDSM act, it has to be discussed beforehand and have a safe word chosen. Would you please do a video on this subject? Thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

What Is A Rape Fantasy?

A rape fantasy, in the right context, is actually just a domination/submission role play game. Some people enjoy being dominant over their partners while others enjoy being submissive. When you have a couple where one partner wants to dominate the other and the other enjoys being dominated, you can have a lot of fun with BDSM play.

Domination and submission is actually incredibly popular, although a lot of it stays underground for fear of being judged on sexual preferences. Rape is forced sex, and a rape fantasy is where you pretend to force someone to have sex or pretend that you’re being forced to have sex. It can be fun and enjoyable if it’s under the right circumstances and safe for everyone involved.

Communicate With Your Partner

While communication during sex is important no matter what you’re doing, it becomes essential when you’re doing something that is so far towards the edge of what is okay and what isn’t okay. You want to make sure you’re on the same page with your partner about what crosses the line and what doesn’t, because if the line is crossed, someone can get hurt, even if neither partner meant for it to happen.

Talk to your partner about what is okay and how far you can go, while also discussing where you don’t want to go and how far is too far. Talk about it beforehand – don’t wait until you’re doing it to say “Hey, I’m not sure I like that.” You and your partner both need to know exactly what you can do and what you can’t do before you ever get started. This is one of those situations where you don’t push the envelope past what you and your lover previously agreed to.

Also, make sure you’re with someone you trust. You don’t want to be acting out a BDSM rape fantasy with someone you just met at a club – because it very well could turn into real rape or you could get hurt. Make sure you and your lover both know and trust each other well before engaging in any activity of this nature.

Come Up With A Safe Word And Gesture

During any BDSM act, it is important to have a safe word or gesture prepared in case one partner wants the play to stop immediately. If it hurts, or you’re getting scared and just aren’t into it anymore, it’s important that you have a word you can say that lets your lover know that all play needs to stop right then and there. A safe word is something you don’t say very often, especially not in the bedroom.

“Stop!” or “No, don’t, that hurts!” are very bad safe words, because for doms and subs, this type of language is actually erotic. A safe word can be anything like, “purple pony,” “fried tomatoes,” or “Troy Aikman” – anything that you wouldn’t normally use in a sexual conversation is perfect. That way, your partner knows you want to stop ASAP.

A safe gesture is also a good thing to decide on before trying out a rape fantasy, especially if you and your partner enjoy using gags of any kind. A gag will prevent someone from speaking, so although they may be shouting “purple pony!” to try to get you to stop, it may only come out as gargled moans – which can be erotic if you’re a dom. So choose a safe gesture as well. It could be flipping the bird or the Vulcan salute – anything that can’t be confused with random movement of the hands. If your partner sees you make the gesture, they need to stop immediately, just as they would with a safe word.

How Do You Get Started With A Rape Fantasy?

Even if you’re experienced in the world of BDSM, it’s generally not a good idea to jump right into a rape fantasy. This is definitely something you want to start slow with, and work your way up. Start with some light domination, or a little bit of bondage and then gradually work your way up to more bondage and restraint, while adding in sexual language that is suggestive of pretend forced sex. You can also find your boundaries this way – going slow and working your way up to bigger things will allow you to find out if you’re comfortable with something or not before really diving head first into it.

What To Do If It Goes Too Far

Even though you’re just pretending, it can be really easy for a rape fantasy to go too far, too quickly. Don’t ever be afraid to use your safe word or gesture, and don’t be afraid to stop. Don’t think that your partner likes it so you should keep going – if YOU don’t like it or it’s hurting YOU, it’s important that you stop the play right away! You can always try again later if you really want to.

If your partner uses the safe word, make sure you’re the one stopping. That’s where trust comes in during BDSM and rape fantasies – you have to trust that your partner will stop immediately if the safe word is used and your partner has to trust that you’ll do the very same.

Real Rape Is No Joke

Although it’s perfectly fine to enact rape fantasies and play pretend when you’re with a partner you trust, real rape is not a joke! It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, gay, straight, male or female – if you’re forcing someone else to have sex or sexual contact against their will, it is rape! If you have fantasies or feelings about actually raping someone against their will, talk to a counselor. Seek help, because these are not safe or natural feelings to have. You could hurt yourself or someone else, and get in a lot of trouble in the process. If you’ve flirted with the idea of actually raping someone, talk to a counselor right away!

A Whip Or Wooden Paddle

Submissive personalities enjoy receiving pain, while dominant personalities enjoy giving it. While couples who dabble in light bondage play rarely go farther than a feather tickler or a light smack on the rear with their hands. However, men and women who enjoy extreme bondage need something with a little more “kick.”

A whip or wooden paddle is a excellent item to have on hand if for more intense pain. A padded paddle will be softer against the skin and is less likely to leave a deep red mark or bruising, while a wooden paddle can easily break the blood vessels in the skin when used for spanking.

Japanese Silk Rope

Restraint is the core of extreme bondage, and serious BDSM fans will have no shortage of cuffs or ties around. However, Japanese silk rope is one of the best forms of restraint around. It is smoother against the skin than traditional rope, and allows people to get into some incredibly artistic positions. While beginners can use Japanese silk rope and have a lot of fun with it, those who enjoy extreme bondage will get a lot more out of it.

A Leash & Collar Set

Domination is a common activity in extreme bondage situations, and nothing makes you feel as dominant – or your partner as submissive – as a leash and collar set. You can have tons of sexy fun leading your partner around on the leash or letting them lead you around. The leash can also come in handy in more kinky domination scenarios.

When purchasing a leash and collar set, choose a collar that both looks good and feels good on, because you may want to wear it awhile. Keep safety factors in mind and never wear a collar that hurts or is made from cheap materials. Your leash should be similar.

A Spreader Bar

Nothing provides the dom a view as good as a spreader bar does, while still keeping the sub restrained. Spreader bars come in many shapes and sizes, and can restrain anything from just the feet to the whole body. Typically, the bar is used to spread the legs wide to expose the penis or vagina, and can definitely add extra excitement to an extreme bondage scenario.

A Hood

Forget blindfolds! Serious BDSM fans will appreciate a hood instead. A hood typically covers the entire face, but may leave the eyes and mouth exposed. In some hoods, only the eyes are exposed and in others, only the mouth is exposed. Your partner will truly feel submissive when you slip the hood over their heads and have them obey your commands.

A hood that covers the mouth should be made from a material that is breathable, or be constructed in a way that allows for easy and comfortable breathing. An extreme bondage scenario can go from fun to bad in a hurry if your partner can’t breathe through their hood.

Nipple Clamps Or Vibrators

Nipple play is a lot of fun during kinky sex, although many beginners don’t use clamps or vibrators much due to the intense pain factor. However, if you’re really into feeling pain mixed with pleasure, nipple clamps or vibrators will definitely do the trick. Some BDSM fans are tempted to use good old fashioned clothespins as clamps, and while the look can definitely be appealing, they’re more dangerous.

Clothespins will easily bruise the nipples and may cause such intense pain that the sub wants to stop. You can have a lot more fun with adjustable clamps, because they allow you to dial up the intensity gradually!

A Suspension Kit

For a dom, there are few things sexier than seeing his or her sub suspended in the air while being restrained. If you’re really into the BDSM scene, a suspension kit is an absolute must have. If you’re short on funds or don’t have the space for a heavy duty suspension kit, you can have just as much fun with a love swing or an over the door model.

Make sure that your suspension kit is built to hold you and your partner’s weight combined, and that it’s made from quality materials that will hold up over time.

What Is Water Bondage?

Water bondage is a type of BDSM sex act where water is used in addition to ropes, restraints, gags and other equipment. The sub in this situation is usually tied up or gagged, and either sprayed or dunked. Often, the sprays are strong and painful, as this is a part of the “torture” involved in this type of activity.

Sometimes a Houdini tank is used in professional scenarios, and in intense situations, a breathing apparatus may be used as well. Breath play involves dunking the sub underwater and forcing them to hold their breath for as long as possible, giving them the sensation of  pressure on their lungs and invoking the fear of drowning.

Is Water Bondage Dangerous?

Water bondage can be very dangerous if not done properly, especially when working with a large body of water. It’s not something that should be taken lightly – it’s a very, very hardcore form of domination and most people aren’t going to be into it. You really have to be enjoy the pain or fear factor to enjoy it. Here’s why it can be more dangerous than it is fun and why you might want to leave it to the professionals:

Dunking

Dunking can be especially dangerous, because the sub is not able to speak or make gestures to let someone know if they are running out of air. This can easily cause the sub to drown, because no one really knows how long they can really hold their breath. If the dom is particularly aroused by the dunking, he or she may be more apt to leave the sub underwater for longer than they can handle.

Spraying

Spraying is another popular form of water bondage, which includes spraying high pressure streams on the sub while they are tied up or restrained. The higher the pressure, the more it hurts, so in some scenarios, the sprays will be from high pressure, industrial type hoses. In soft core scenarios, the sprays may be from a shower head or a regular hose.

Staying Safe

While this is an extreme form of BDSM and is therefore dangerous in and of itself, there are some ways that you can try to stay as safe as possible if you decide to engage in an activity like this. Going for light bondage or sex in the water can be a great way to get your “feet wet” so to speak, without engaging in the type of activity that hardcore BDSM fans like to do.

Don’t Use Gags

While a gag can be fun during other types of BDSM play, it can take the danger level of water bondage up quite a bit. Being submerged or sprayed heavily can make it difficult or impossible to breathe. A gag also makes it difficult to breathe, and when you combine the two, it can be almost impossible for a sub to catch his or her breath properly. Choose one or the other, but avoid using both.

Avoid Submersion

Submersion or dunking is probably the most intense part of this form of BDSM and is probably the most dangerous. Some hardcore fetish websites feature women or men being chained or tied up in a tub or tank, where they are barely able to get their heads out enough to breathe. This may seem erotic, but it’s actually incredibly dangerous. Spray your sub with a hose, but avoid submerging them.

Come Up With A Safe Word/Gesture

With any BDSM play, it’s important to have a safe word picked out before you start. With hardcore play, a gesture might be in order if a gag is being used or the sub cannot speak for other reasons. If you’re using a gag, do not bind the hands so much that the safe gesture cannot be used and if the hands are bound, do not gag the mouth so the safe word cannot be used. Make sure that both the dom and the sub agree that all play stops immediately if the safe word or gesture is used!

A Soft Rope Or Silk Restraints

First order of business when it comes to amateur bondage is to get yourself some form of restraints. Restraints are the cornerstone of bondage! You may think you can tie your partner up with just anything you have lying around the house, but think again! If you really want to get a feel for amateur bondage and have the most pleasurable experience possible, you’re going to want to invest in something made for this kind of play.

Japanese bondage rope is great to play with because it is soft and silky, but it will keep someone restrained quite nicely. Other great options for beginners are the Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System or fuzzy handcuffs. Just don’t opt for anything like a stockade or metal chastity devices. These are for advanced users only!

A Feather Tickler

Part of the excitement of being tied up is having your partner do things to you that you don’t know are coming or that you can’t do anything to stop. Amateur bondage players don’t necessarily want to whip their partner into submission, so creating different, unexpected sensations is what amateur bondage is all about.

A feather tickler is a perfect item for beginners, because it doesn’t hurt but it will still create incredible sensations on your partner’s skin or genitals – wherever you choose to use it. While your partner is restrained and blindfolded, alternate between lightly spanking them and tickling them with the feather tickler. Your lover won’t know what to expect next and they certainly won’t be in any position to stop you!

A Breathable Gag

Gags are popular in the BDSM community, but many of them can be quite intimidating for beginners. There are, however, a variety of breathable gags that can be used for amateur bondage so you can have the fun of using a gag without the scariness of a gag that doesn’t allow for easy breathing.

While open mouth gags and pony bit gags are more breathable than some of their counterparts, they tend to look pretty frightening, especially if you’re a beginner. A small, soft, breathable ball gag is your best bet. There are even training kits that have a variety of gag sizes so you can start small and work your way up.

A Blindfold

A blindfold is essential during amateur bondage and BDSM play, because sometimes you don’t want your lover to know what you’re doing – or what you’re going to do next. Sometimes, you want to be the one wearing the blindfold! You can use things around the house, such as a silk tie or scarf, but a blindfold purchased from a sex toy store is going to be a lot more comfortable and it’s going to fit a lot better.

When choosing a blindfold, stick to something soft, silky or fur lined. There are lots of blindfolds available on the market, ranging from pink and flirty to entire face masks that look like something out of Hellraiser. Stick to the basic blindfolds at first! They will do their job just as well, without freaking you or your partner out.

A Padded Or Fur Lined Paddle

Experiencing both pain and pleasure is another essential part of amateur bondage and BDSM play. Whether you want to give or receive, mixing pleasure and pain is an incredible experience and it’s part of why BDSM play is so popular! There are lots of devices on the market that will help you introduce pain to your lover, but many of them are just too “out there” for beginners.

Instead, consider getting a padded or fur lined paddle for spanking. Spanking can actually be very pleasurable, and the rear is a great place to direct pain since it doesn’t bruise easily and is well hidden if it does. A padded or fur lined paddle will help the giving partner experience domination, while the receiver gets to experience pain mixed with pleasure without worrying about being seriously hurt in the process.

Various Sex Toys Of Your Choice

Once your partner is all tied up and blindfolded, then what are you going to do? Have some of your favorite sex toys on hand to please your partner with. Having more than one at your disposal is a good idea, because you want to keep them expecting new and different sensations.

A vibrator is a must have for women, because you can experiment with light to firm pleasure – almost to the point where it’s too much – while they’re restrained and unable to see what you’re doing. For men, a masturbation sleeve is a good option. Alternate between the masturbation sleeve and your hand. If they’re into anal penetration, have a butt plug or anal beads with you. As always, don’t forget the lube!

Surgical Scissors

Even though you’re only experimenting with amateur bondage, it’s important that you have items available to remove your partner from their restraints as quickly as possible if something goes wrong. Surgical scissors fit the bill, because they’ll easily cut through just about any type of rope or leather restraints. If you’re using handcuffs, make sure you have the key very close by and an extra hidden elsewhere.

A Safe Word Or Gesture

Never, ever engage in any type of BDSM play or amateur bondage without deciding on a safe word or gesture first. A safe word is something that you say – that is completely unrelated to anything you might or could possibly say during play that when said or heard, all play stops immediately. For example, “purple pony,” “pink tomato” or “umbrella penguin” are all great safe words. You or your partner can use the safe word if things get to be too much, and always, always honor the safe word if your partner says it – even if you aren’t ready to stop playing.

A safe gesture is also a good idea to have, because there are times when a partner is unable to speak – for example, if they are wearing a gag. A gesture can be anything you want, as long as it can be clearly distinguished from any other hand movements a person might make when experiencing pleasure and pain. For example, the middle finger is a pretty good gesture – it’s hard to pull that one off on accident.

Hi Dan and Jennifer – loving the great advice! My girlfriend and I want to try some bondage, but we’ve never done it before and don’t really know where to start, any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

Beginner’s Bondage Kits

No, you don’t have to go out and buy yards and yards of heavy duty rope to begin with a little BDSM. Lots of companies make excellent beginner’s bondage kits that have everything you need to get it on. While there’s probably some stuff you could use at home such as a spatula for spanking or a silk tie as a rope or a blindfold, a kit is going to be a lot more fun – and a lot sexier. What is great about the beginner’s kits is that they’re pretty softcore, so they’re really not going to scare anyone off.

Our Recommendations:

Fetish Fantasy Series Beginner’s Bondage Set

Comes with 4 velvety soft cuffs with silky ties, a feather tickler, 2 romantic candles and a satiny smooth blindfold so your partner doesn’t know what you’re going to do next!

Fetish Fantasy Series Pleasure Bondage Set

This one also includes soft ankle and wrist cuffs, but the cuffs can be connected using a sturdy O-ring. An inflatable pillow and a silky blindfold come with, but those who want to get a little freakier will enjoy the soft, breathable gag.

Play Sex Games

Playing sex games with your partner can be a lot of fun, and it can not only lead you and your lover to a night of intense passion, it can also teach you more about what you and your partner like in bed. Sex doesn’t always have to be serious, and that’s why playing a game can be so much fun – it lets you remember that sex is all about having fun, laughing and enjoying your partner. Go on a sexy scavenger hunt or play a game of titillating truth or dare. You’ll be amazed at how much you can discover about yourself and your lover when you play sex games together.

Our Recommendations:

Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games

Straight from the sexperts from Cosmopolitan comes 118 super fun cards that will spark your imagination with tons of sexy new ideas for things you can do together.

3 Deck Sex Pack

Get three decks of sexy card games and never run out of ideas for new and exciting things you can do with your lover. Included are card games Sex, Porn and Naked! Compete to see who owns the most porn or the classic-but-always-fun strip poker.

Bondage At Home

There are definitely some things at home that you can use for BDSM, but many of them aren’t recommended. It’s much better to use things that are made for what you’re doing (such as lube instead of spit), and even though it’s a little more expensive, getting great, high quality sex toys that you can use over and over again is well worth the investment. Nevertheless, here are some things you can use at home:

• A silk tie can function as a blindfold or hand/feet restraints
• A spatula can make a great paddle
• A feather duster (wash it first!) makes a neat tickler

How To Know When To Stop

When you really start getting into BDSM, role play and domination and submission, the word “stop” doesn’t always mean stop. When you’re getting into kinky sex, it’s so important to have something called a “safe word.” A safe word functions as the word “stop,” meaning that if the safe word is used, all activity stops immediately.

Before you and your partner get it on, agree on a safe word to use. Make sure that it’s not something that you would normally call out during sex play, and words like “no” or “stop” aren’t going to work. Try something like “purple pony” or “turkey sandwich” so there’s no mistaking that the play needs to cease immediately if the word is used. Always honor the safe word, even if you think that everything is fine and nobody is getting hurt. Part of having a great time with BDSM and kink is to be able to completely trust and let go with your partner – so make sure that if the safe word is used, you cool it right away.

Use A Mirror During Sex – And Fellatio

Guys love to watch. That’s a given, considering just how much porn there is circulating around the adult DVD stores and the Internet. Get him to focus on you though by introducing a mirror during sex. Put one on your bedroom wall right next to the bed and better yet, put one on the opposite side so he can get a view of both angles. If you can’t get full size mirrors, settle for a makeup mirror on a table or night stand that will give him a great view of you giving him a blowjob.

Masturbate For Him

Again, this is playing into the fact that men really do get off on visual stimuli. Instead of getting angry with him for watching porn instead of being interested in you, give him a reason watch you. Shake off your insecurities about how you look (he loves the way you look naked, even though you’re not perfect) and give him the show of his life by masturbating in front of him. Close your eyes or blindfold yourself and turn on some music so that you have no idea that he’s there. Then just go at it! You will be amazed at just how much watching you do yourself the way you like it will turn him on.

Do It Somewhere Else

Instead of having sex in the bedroom again, show him your wild side by suggesting sex somewhere else. Whether it’s on the couch, in the backyard or in the VIP section of an exclusive nightclub, just the change of venue will do wonders for how amazing the sex is. When you move outside the bedroom and let the vixen inside you out, expect amazing orgasms for both you and your partner!

Walk Around The House Naked

Most women aren’t confident about their naked bodies and most men hate that about their partners. Your man loves the way you look naked – if he didn’t, he’d probably wouldn’t be with you. So let your insecurities and inhibitions go and start walking around the house naked. Start small, like not putting on a towel after a shower while you head to the bedroom to get dressed. Perhaps you can hang out naked for a bit after having sex, and after you get used to the idea, you can walk around the house naked whenever you like. Your man won’t be able to keep his eyes off you!

Do The Reverse Cowgirl

The reverse cowgirl is one of the sex positions that most guys like the best. Why is this? Because it gives them a full view of your vagina and your anus, and he gets to see every thrust in eye-popping detail. Many women don’t like to do this however, because they get uncomfortable thinking about their partners looking at their vagina and anus for so long. Don’t worry about it – your guy isn’t going to be noticing that your inner labia are longer than your outer or that you have a little stubble from not having shaved in a couple days. He’s just going to enjoy watching his penis slide in and out of you over and over!

Leave Your Panties On

During foreplay, leave your panties on. Let him rub your clitoris through your panties – bonus points if you get wet enough for him to actually feel or see it through the fabric! When you’re ready for intercourse or oral sex, Pull your panties to the side and let your man do his thing. Pulling your panties to the side to get it on feels super naughty for both of you, and your man will love it!

Let Him Give You A Facial

Some guys enjoy the idea of giving a woman a facial – and not the kind you get at the beauty salon. For whatever reason, some men love the idea of ejaculating on a woman’s face and if you can get past the “gross” factor (or if it doesn’t bother you at all) your man may really enjoy doing this with you. Next time you give him a blowjob, let him finish on your face. It will make him feel like you’re being extra naughty and he won’t be able to keep his hands off you!

Have Impromptu Car Sex – With Road Head

Having sex in public is definitely naughty, so car sex fits the bill. If you want your man to find you truly dirty, surprise him with an impromptu sex session next time you’re on a road trip. Ask him to pull over on the side of the road (make sure its fairly deserted) and hop in the backseat for a quickie. Or, you can give him road head – which he’ll absolutely love. Road head is much easier to give, because it’s harder to get caught doing it.

Go Commando

Next time you and your lover go out to dinner together (or anywhere really), conveniently “forget” to put on panties beforehand. Of course, make sure you’re wearing something that won’t show your cooter when you bend over. Then, lean over and whisper in his ear that you’re not wearing any panties underneath your clothes – and watch as his eyes pop right out of his head! The idea of you not having any panties on all night (especially he gets to cop a quick feel) will make him want to tear your clothes off the minute you get home.

Wear F-Me Shoes

Stilettos make any woman’s legs look miles long – it’s one of the reasons that men enjoy watching women in the adult entertainment industry. If you notice, even in porn, they always wear high heels or platform heels of some kind. That’s because they’re an instant turn on for guys! Next time you’re at the shoe store, get a pair of really sexy f-me shoes and hide them in the closet. Wear them the next time you don your little black dress for an evening out, or better yet, wear the shoes (and only the shoes) next time you want to seduce your lover.

Get Your Tongue Pierced

This may not be your idea of fun, but if you’re open to it, getting a tongue piercing can improve oral sex for guys by quite a bit. Plus, it’s something a lot of “naughty” girls have done. In fact, many guys will instantly start thinking a girl is naughty and extra dirty in the sack as soon as he sees the tongue ring flash in her mouth while she’s talking. If the idea intrigues you, talk to a reputable piercer and ask some questions. You may just leave with a shiny new piece of jewelry that your man will love!

I am scared because I have been a macrophile all my young life. And I submit cute Macrophile pictures on a public art website. But more of my peers are joining the site and they know my user name. My close friends know and are fine with it, but some people I don’t trust also know! the teens at my school are evil in general and would go crazy if they found out! what should I do!?

–YouTube Viewer

What Is Macrophilia?

Macrophilia is a sexual fetish involving big, giant things. Most often, this is in the form of giant women, however, macrophilia can also involve giant breasts or penises. This fetish is most often expressed through art and anime. While some people may consider this type of sexual interest “weird” or “strange,” there’s really nothing wrong with it as long as it involves consenting adults only and doesn’t hurt anyone.

Sharing Your Interests Makes You Vulnerable To Outside Judgement

While sharing your sexual interests with others who like the same things you do automatically makes you vulnerable to outside judgement. That’s the risk you take by opening yourself up to other people when it involves your fetishes. It doesn’t matter how old you are – whether you’re a young teenager or an older adult – if you put yourself out there like that, you risk getting judged by other people who are uncomfortable with your fetish. It also doesn’t matter what you like – even if it’s just enjoying sex toys – there is bound to be someone or somewhere that will disagree with your interests.

This means that it is often easier to be very discreet about who you share your personal interests with, especially interests of a sexual nature. Instead of subjecting yourself to public ridicule and judgement from other people who likely have interests of their own that other people would also call strange, being discreet and private in the online community will benefit you much, much more. If you stay anonymous, you are able to enjoy your fantasies rather than being worried someone you know will find you and make fun of you publicly.

Keeping your private life private doesn’t suggest what you’re doing is wrong. It just means that you’re aware that people aren’t always accepting of others and may not be understanding about what you like and find erotic. You’re simply just making things easier on yourself.

How To Be Discreet

In the online community – especially with BDSM and fetish forums – it is easy to be anonymous. Your username can be something totally unrelated to you and you can choose not to share your email address with others in the forum. This makes sure that no one from your real life persona can tie you to your online persona.

Be careful not to make references in your posts or anything that you do online to your real persona or your real life. Don’t talk about people you really know or things that happened to you. Keep your real life and your online personality completely, 100% separate. When you have a completely private profile, you can freely express your opinions and talk about what is important to you without fearing the backlash you would get if someone you know in real life found out.

What To Do If The Cat Gets Out Of The Bag

If someone you know in real life does find out about your secret fetish, it can get pretty complicated. Your first thought might be that you’re embarrassed and if you’re a teenager, you may be worried that someone in your school will start making fun of you publicly in front of your peers.

Talk to someone neutral, that has the ability to be objective about the situation and what your interests are, such as a guidance counselor, a therapist or a very trusted friend. If you’re in school, a guidance counselor or a teacher may be able to help keep you safe from bullying.

Remember that there’s nothing wrong with having sexual likes that are different from everyone else’s. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, there’s nothing wrong with it at all. You may have to learn to let the fact that others aren’t going to accept your fetish or fantasy and just get on with your life!

With A Prostitute In A Seedy Hotel

If you’re into the “kinky and freaky”, this is a great way to have a threesome without the emotional baggage that comes with having a threesome with a friend. However, sometimes sex workers can be just as seedy as the hotel, so you can also try doing this with a non-seedy prostitute in a nice hotel. Make sure the laws in your state don’t prohibit prostitution, and make sure you use condoms to avoid transmitting any STD’s!

A Shibaricon

A Shibaricon is a convention that brings together lovers of rope bondage from all around the world. From those who just love the artistic aspect of Japanese rope bondage to those who truly enjoy it sexually, a Shibaricon is where people who enjoy this activity can get together and share ideas and fantasies.

In A Tub Full Of Shaving Cream

Spray your partner and yourself with shaving cream all over your bodies and go at it – in the tub of course! The tub provides a place you and your partner can have kinky sex without the mess (you can just rinse it off in the shower afterwards). You can also put down painting tarps in your bedroom and have fun with it there. Smearing your partner all over their body with shaving cream and feeling them rub up against you with the slick substance in between your bodies can be an uber-turn on.

In A Cemetery On A Dark, Foggy Night

If you like to be scared, or you enjoy really creepy things, this place is for you. Bring a sleeping bag or blanket with you if you plan on doing it on the ground, or you can just bend over a headstone and do it doggy style! Avoid doing this in big cities though with high crime rates – you never know who else is going to be in the cemetery with you.

In A Jail Cell Of An Old Prison

When taking a tour of an old prison, sneak off into an old jail cell and get a little kinky with your lover. Unfortunately, if you’re really into doing it in a really freaky cell or execution room, most of them are closed off to the public and are protected by glass windows.

In A Haunted Suite In A Famous Haunted Hotel

This is also a great place to have kinky sex if you and your partner are into getting scared. Remember, fear and danger are great aphrodisiacs but you don’t always want to put yourself in real danger. Staying in a haunted hotel is a great way to get scared without actually taking a risk. The downside to some haunted hotels is that they’re old and may not have all the creature comforts you’ve gotten used to.

On Stage At A Deserted Underground Theater

If you’ve had a fantasy about doing it in front of a crowd but haven’t had the opportunity to do it for real, this can be a great alternative. It’s public sex in a private way. Find an old, deserted underground theater and get it on with your lover on stage. Dress up in sexy costumes if you’d like and pretend that the seats are filled with people watching you and your partner’s every move.  This can also be incredibly erotic if you’re into the idea of people watching you but aren’t ready to do it for real yet.

At The Tattoo Parlor

Lots of people feel like pain is erotic and what better place to sneak a quickie with your lover than at the tattoo parlor? Unless you want to get it on in the bathroom though, you’ll have to find an artist that is down with you and your partner getting kinky in their shop. Also, don’t try to do it while you’re getting the actual tattoo – you’ll probably cause the artist to mess it up.

In A Mental Hospital

For a really freaky time, consider having sex in a mental hospital. Take a tour of an old mental hospital and sneak away with your lover to an old patient room for a quick romp. Bonus points if you can find a padded room to do it in, or a straightjacket that you can use for bondage.

In The Morgue

You have to have a really dark side to enjoy this one, so it’s not for everyone. But if you have access to a morgue or funeral home, getting it on next to the dead can be a turn on (if you’re into that sort of thing). Hop up on a stainless steel gurney or tuck yourselves into an empty casket for some interesting but freaky fun.

While erotic humiliation isn’t generally as dangerous as activities like erotic asphyxiation, it can be just as fascinating to see exactly what gets different people off. What is erotic humiliation, what does it involve and how would you introduce it or an alternative in the bedroom?

What Is Erotic Humilation?

Erotic humilation is a form of BDSM defined by Wikipedia as the “consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity.”

Depending on whether someone has a dominant or submissive personality, the act of being humiliated or humiliating another during sex can be very arousing for both partners. Rarely does a person enjoy both humiliating and being humiliated and many sexual partnerships are formed because one partner prefers domination while the other prefers submission.

The Difference Between Humiliation And Domination

Many people may confuse erotic humiliation with domination and other forms of BDSM, because the roles are very similar. There is, however, a simple distinction between the two. Those who enjoy dominating others enjoy “commanding” or “ordering” their submissive partner do do something, and the submissive partner enjoys being “commanded” to do something. With humiliation, the dominant partner enjoys verbally or physically belittling their partner, and the submissive partner enjoys being belittled and humiliated just as much.

Verbal Means Of Erotic Humiliation

Depending on the agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, verbal belittlement may or may not be an accepted part of humiliation. However, it is much more common to see verbal belittlement in a humiliation situation than a great deal of physical humiliation. Verbal belittlement during sex might include:

• Being a human “pet,” complete with collar and leash. This may include eating or drinking out of a pet bowl or off the floor.
• Name calling such as “slave” or “whore”
• Belittling the body, suggesting that it is “dirty” or “ugly”
• Men who enjoy being humiliated may enjoy their partners belittling their penis size
• Asking for permission to eat or use the restroom
• Being verbally mocked or ridiculed

Physical Means Of Erotic Humiliation

When couples desire more than verbal belittlement offers, they may decide to move into more physical means of humiliation. This can be something as mild as spanking or can be very extreme. When combined with sexual activities and verbal belittlement, the humiliation factor can be very powerful. Many dom/sub couples may choose to forgo the physical aspect, or they may participate with a lighter attitude. Physical humiliation might include activities like:

• Being slapped on the rear or in the face
• Having the hair pulled
• Ejaculating in the face or on the body
• Being required to perform oral sex on the dominant partner without getting anything in return
• Being forced to worship the body of the dominant partner
• Physical punishment such as spanking or whipping when the submissive partner is “disobedient”
• Torture of the nipples or the genitals

How To Approach Erotic Humilation In Your Relationship

If you’re interested in erotic humilation, you may be unsure of how to approach the subject with your partner. Remember that while being open and honest about your sex fantasies is extremely important, going slow and giving your partner time to warm up to the idea is even more so.

The first step is to determine which of you has a dominant personality and which of you has a submissive one. If you and your lover are both dominant or both submissive, erotic humiliation is generally something that won’t work well in your sexual relationship. Ease into it slowly, by introducing one new concept at a time and only when your partner seems ready for it.

If You’re A Sub

• Offer to be you lover’s sex slave for the day and see what happens
• Tell your partner you’d love to be spanked during sex
• Come to bed wearing a collar
• Experiment with handcuffs and bondage
• Ask him to call you his “slut” or his “whore”

If You’re A Dom

• Pinch your partner’s nipples during sex (not too hard without the green light first)
• Ask your partner if they’ll be your sex slave for the day
• Go shopping with your partner for sexy accessories, like collars or tiaras
• Ask your partner to give you a blowjob or go down on you without reciprocation
• Ask your partner to let you ejaculate on their face

Special Note: Never be derogatory or dominant towards your partner without their knowing and consent first. Not letting your lover in on what’s going on before verbally belittling them or physically humiliating them will only end very, very badly.

Pubic Humiliation

Another aspect of erotic humiliation which may be arousing to both partners is public humiliation. Sometimes, consenting partners will use verbal belittlement in public and very rarely will they humiliate physically in public. However, some couples may be part of groups that also enjoy this activity and may have “sex parties” in where one or more subs are humiliated in front of the crowd.

Alternatives To Extreme Humiliation

If the idea of humiliating your partner or being humiliated turns you on, but you’re not ready to go to the extreme with it, start small and work your way up. Alternatives to more aggressive forms of humiliating might be:

• Nibbling or biting your partner
• Spanking or asking to be spanked
• Light bondage
• Dirty talk with a dash of humiliation thrown in
• Online or long distance humiliating

What Is Fisting?

Fisting is considered to fall within the “BDSM” category of sex acts and simply put, it is the act of putting the hand, all the way up to the wrist or forearm, into the vagina or rectum. This is most easily done by forming the hand into a “duck bill” shape where the thumb and all the fingers meet (resembling a duck bill) for easier insertion. Then, the fingers can be moved into a fist shape or wiggled around once the hand is inside.

Fisting can be done alone during masturbation or during sex with a partner to create unique sensations for both men and women.

Is Fisting Safe?

When done properly, fisting can theoretically be safe and even enjoyable for both the giving and receiving partner. However, doing it properly is the key to making sure fisting doesn’t cause bodily harm or damage. Here’s how to keep fisting safe and fun:

• Go slow. It’s very important that you go very slow when inserting the hand and wrist into a vagina or up the rectum. Going to fast may cause extreme discomfort or pain for your partner, and it may also cause some of the delicate vaginal or anal tissues to stretch too much and tear.
• Use lots and lots of lube. Water based lube is best for easy clean up, but silicone based lube can be used as well. Do not attempt to try fisting yourself or your partner without a very generous amount of lube! Without lube, you can pretty much guarantee it won’t be comfortable for your partner and the risk of tearing goes up dramatically without the proper amount of lubrication.
• Don’t use a “pumping” motion. You want to move your hand around during fisting, without taking it all the way out and pumping air into the vagina or rectum. This can cause air embolisms, which can be very dangerous and even cause death.
• Allow for lots of warm up time and foreplay. When a woman is fully aroused and excited after foreplay, her vagina will relax more, making it easier to insert larger objects.
• If it hurts, stop!

Fisting The Anus

Fisting the vagina is much safer than fisting the anus. Vaginas are very elastic and made to stretch and accommodate very large objects, because they are designed to give birth. A baby’s head is much larger than a fist, so you can rest assured that after fisting the vagina in a safe way, everything will go back to its normal size and shape.

That said, the rectum is not designed to accommodate objects as large as a fist. Even if you use lots and lots of lube, fisting the rectum can cause pain, discomfort at best and tearing or bleeding at worst. Repeated fisting of the rectum will change the size and shape of the anus, possibly leading to the need for adult diapers in the future because the anal sphincter has lost enough elasticity that it can no longer keep waste inside.

How To Make Anal Fisting Safer

While anal fisting isn’t considered a “safe” sexual activity, there are some things you can do to make it as safe as it can be.

• Start small and work your way up. Start with small anal sex toys, such as tiny butt plugs, and work your way up to the bigger stuff.
• Have a “safe” word. If it hurts too much, your partner will use the safe word so you’ll know to stop immediately.

Other Safety Tips To Consider

While taking the above steps to make fisting safer, here are some additional things to think about before you get started.

• Trim your fingernails. Scrub underneath them and trim them, so there are no sharp corners, hangnails or dirt underneath.
• Consider using a latex glove. Keep your hands clean and your partner’s anus or vagina bacteria free by simply slipping on a latex glove before fisting.
• Never use a “numbing” lube. If it hurts, you need to feel it because that means you’re going too far! If you use numbing lubes, you may tear or bleed without realizing it.

Some couples get bored of rough sex after awhile, but are afraid to take it any further because they aren’t comfortable with spanking harder or going too far outside their box. However, you can keep things interesting and exciting without pushing yourself or your partner too far past your comfort zone. Here are three ways to keep rough sex new and fun.

How Rough Sex Can Become Monotonous

Whether you’re talking about oral sex, rough sex or good old fashioned intercourse, if you and your lover do the same things over and over again, it’s going to get boring. You may think that just because you’re having “rough sex” that you’re keeping things fresh, but that isn’t always the case. It’s easy to get bored with biting, spanking and even a little bondage if that’s all you do.

The Key To Mixing It Up

The key to keep rough sex unpredictable is to mix it up with different styles of sex, specifically sweet, romantic, slow sex. Your partner won’t be expecting your next move if you switch from being soft and loving to giving her a quick smack and showing a little bit of domination and control. Going back and forth between the two different styles of sex will keep your partner guessing all night at what you’re going to do next!

Why You Need To Keep Her Guessing Your Next Move

Trying something new to spice up your sex life is one thing, but it still gives your partner an idea of what is to come when when she slides between the sheets at the end of the day. If you really want to make sex between you and your lover exciting and fresh, you want to make what you’re doing completely unpredictable. If you always slide your hands to her breasts after giving her a slow, deep kiss, she’ll learn to expect that you’re going to do that every time and she’ll know exactly what you’re going to do and when.

Instead, try giving her a firm pinch or slap on her rear after the deeply romantic kiss – and then switch right back to moves that are slow and sensual. If you keep alternating between rough sex and sweet and loving sex, she’ll never know what to expect and it will be like having sex for the first time all over again!

3 Ways To Make Rough Sex New & Exciting

1. Kiss the back of her neck softly and then suddenly give her a sharp spank.

The back of a woman’s neck is actually one of her more potent erogenous zones. Kissing her softly on the back of the neck is sure to give her goosebumps all over, but what she won’t be prepared for is the firm spank on her rear. Surprise her with a firm smack or two and gauge her reaction. You’ll see the surprise there, but you’ll definitely notice how much more turned on she is because you did something she didn’t see coming. She’ll be just as surprised when you switch to kissing her softly again!

2. Have rough, dominant doggy style sex, then suddenly switch to the missionary position and start slowly and gently making love to her.

If you and your lover are going at it doggy style, she’ll think that you’re going to finish that way and that will be that. Instead, flip her over and start to pleasure her with soft, slow sex. When she’s had an orgasm or two, switch back to rough sex and show her your dominant side!

3. Use a two-sided “flogger” (a sex toy with a hard surface on one side and a soft, tickly surface on the other) and gently tickle her body with the soft side and switch to spanking her firmly with the hard side.

When you alternate between two different touches – one hard and firm, and the other soft – you are sending two different sensations and emotions through your lover’s body. She’ll be incredibly turned on by feeling cherished while you tickle and stroke her, to feeling submissive while you dominate her with a firm touch. Alternating back and forth during foreplay (in a completely random way) will keep her guessing and what she’s going to feel next!

Diaper Fetish

If you’ve never heard of a diaper fetish, now you have. People who enjoy diapers while making love (or just enjoy wearing diapers period) are called “diaper lovers” or “adult babies” and contrary to popular belief, they have no interest whatsoever in pedophilia. People who enjoy using diapers during coitus may like to urinate in the diapers or have their partners urinate in them, or may enjoy pulling the diapers to the side to perform oral sex on their lovers. Some adult babies will go so far as to purchase child like pajamas or even use pacifiers while sleeping or while making love. Now that’s kinky sex!

Erotic Asphyxiation

A truly dangerous form of kinky sex, this is one of the sex fetishes you don’t want to mess with. It is more dangerous than pleasurable and is one of the only sex fetishes that can result in death. Either during intercourse or masturbation, a person who enjoys erotic asphyxiation will tie a cord, scarf or other item around their neck to cut off blood and oxygen to the brain during orgasm. This supposedly makes an orgasm much more intense and satisfying. At best, the person who is participating in erotic asphyxiation will pass out at the point of orgasm and come to a little later after the body resumes normal function on its own. At worst, passing out before the cord is untied will cause the brain to go without blood and oxygen too long – causing brain damage (if the person is discovered in time) or death.

Klismaphilia

Klismaphilia is often one of the sex fetishes that people who enjoy anal sex like, and this is a form of kinky sex indeed. Klismaphilia refers to the sexual pleasure that some people derive from giving or receiving an enema. People who enjoy this activity will often fantasize about getting an enema, and will get aroused and may even reach orgasm while getting an enema or during the elimination process. Klismaphiliacs may go to the doctor or hospital to get an enema under the pretense of being constipated, or they may engage in this activity in secret as many adult toy stores offer devices such as enema tools, latex gloves and vaginal speculums for those into medical fetishes.

Hybristophilia

Hybristophilia is a fetish that is described often as the “Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome” where people (most often women) have a sexual fascination with someone who has committed a violent or gruesome crime. Many prisoners with sensationalized murder cases receive “fan mail” in prison from women who have sex fetishes or fantasies about the perpetrators of the crime and may even fantasize about being a part of the crime or witnessing it happening. Since most hybristophiliacs aren’t able to experience this type of kinky sex in person, their sex fetishes are usually expressed during masturbation. Some women, however, have even been known to marry the objects of their affection while they’re in prison. Passive hybristophiliacs often stick to writing letters to violent criminals, while more active hybristophiliacs may even be an accomplice in a heinous crime.

Plushophilia

Plushophiliacs have sex fetishes with stuffed animals or people who wear animal costumes, such as sports mascots or holiday characters such as the Easter Bunny. Men and women who are plushophiliacs may enjoy having intercourse with their partners dressed up in plush costumes, or they may experience this sex fantasy during masturbation with a small stuffed animal. Both men and women can be plushophiliacs, but not all fans of furry critters enjoy them sexually – called “furry fandom.”

Burusera

Burusera is the Japanese equivalent of a “panty fetish.” Men with Burusera style sex fetishes enjoy smelling, touching, masturbating with and even licking a girl’s used panties. This type of kinky sex was so prevalent in Japan at one time, that many Burusera shops existed to cater to clientele that wanted to purchase used panties and swimwear for sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, many more young girls were targeted as providers of used panties than those over the age of 18, so many Burusera shops were shut down and laws were passed to keep young girls from selling their panties to individuals or shops.

Question: I like kinky sex but he doesn’t. How can I get him to maybe try it?

–YouTube Viewer

Kinky Sex Is All About Perspective

What is kinky to some is completely benign to others, so keep that in mind when trying to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to kinky sex. For example, some people may think that simply having sex with the lights on is super kinky, while others delve deep into kink with lots of bondage and BDSM. Think about what you are wanting your partner to try and what they’ve tried before – is there a big difference between the two? Are you wanting him to try sex with a strap on when all he’s ever done is light bondage? If this is the case, think about toning down your idea of kink to better match what he’s tried already so you’re not too outside of his comfort zone.

Respect His Boundaries

Everyone has their boundaries when it comes to kinky sex, and it’s important for two people in a relationship to respect those boundaries. You may be very into kink, but there is someone somewhere out there that is probably into doing some things that you definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with. Imagine if you were in a relationship with someone who wanted to push your boundaries and try to convince you to do something that made you really uncomfortable – you definitely wouldn’t appreciate it and it would probably do harm to the relationship. So think about the situation in reverse. You may think your idea of “kink” is ok, but your partner may not. It all goes back to each person’s perspective – there is no “standard guideline” for what is ok and what isn’t. It all depends on the person and where their boundaries are. So it’s definitely important to respect your partner’s boundaries and avoid pushing him too far past them. If you push them too hard to try kinky sex, they may run the other way.

Finding The Right Approach

How you approach the topic with your partner is critical to whether or not they will actually be open to trying what you want them to try. Talk to him about how to spice up your sex life is important, but doing it at the right time and in the right way will make the most difference. Don’t try to talk to him about it while you’re having sex, right before you have sex or even right after. Get it? Have the conversation completely outside of the bedroom, at a time when you’re both relaxed and enjoying spending time together. Avoid being critical of your partner at all costs – this is not a “Why won’t you do this, there’s nothing wrong with it” conversation. If he even smells a hint of criticism in your words, he will lock up and probably won’t hear a word that you say. Instead, approach the topic by letting him know how much a particular activity turns you on and how much it turns you on to imagine doing it with them.

Modify Your Kink

So you want to try tying him to a chair and having your way with him – but he’s never so much as tried light bondage before. Consider modifying whatever you want to try a little bit and tone it down. This may make him more comfortable with trying it and you can eventually work your way up to heavy bondage and BDSM by taking baby steps to get there. Remember that kinky sex is again, all about perspective, and you’ll have a better chance of getting your partner to try something different if you make it a little more benign. Instead of going all out with handcuffs and rope (if bondage is your thing), try simply tying his wrists with a scarf or silk necktie. He will be more open to it if it seems really harmless – and then trying something else even more kinky won’t seem so bad!

Biting

Most people are no stranger to biting in the bedroom. Even non-BDSM lovers can enjoy light biting or nibbling during sex, and some even enjoy harder biting that leaves marks. Biting during sex typically isn’t dangerous if you’re not drawing blood, but it’s important to have a safe word during biting just like with any sex activity that involves pain of any kind. Come up with a completely unrelated safe word (like “banana” or “train”) and if your partner is biting too hard or you want to stop for any reason, use the safe word. Before getting started, make sure both you and your partner (and whoever else is involved) is aware of the safe word and knows to stop immediately if anyone says it.

Bloodletting

Bloodletting isn’t as common as biting and it’s definitely not considered a “safe” activity and in fact it can be as dangerous as other activities such as erotic asphyxiation. There are, however, some things that you can do to make it safer for both you and your partner if this is an activity you both wish to pursue. First of all, bloodletting is not an activity that can be done with either partner inebriated in any way and of course must never be done by anyone under the age of eighteen. Bloodletting is an activity that is reserved for responsible, consenting adults only! Typically, people who enjoy bloodletting will draw only small amounts of blood from themselves (to avoid cutting or harming the other person more than intended) and either lick the blood themselves or allow their partner to do so. Never draw large amounts of blood from yourself or your partner, and if you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it! Don’t let anyone “talk you into it” or convince you that you want to do it.

A Note On STD’s

Blood spreads STD’s like wildfire. NEVER, EVER use someone else’s needle or razor and never allow anyone else to use yours. Never drink another person’s blood unless you and your partner have had STD testing and your results were negative. In addition, once you and your partner have had clean blood tests, you both must be committed to monogamy to avoid contracting a new sexually transmitted disease and giving it to your partner. Remember that bloodletting and biting (if blood is drawn) can spread serious STD’s like HIV and Hepatitis C, for which there is no cure. It is considered a high risk activity and it’s important to take steps to make yourself and your partner as safe as possible.

Don’t want to take the risk but enjoy the sight of blood during sex? Why not incorporate a bottle of good old fashioned fake blood into your sexcapades? Or find a recipe for edible blood made from corn syrup and red food coloring. You can still have fun without causing pain or putting yourself at risk for contracting and spreading sexually transmitted diseases.

What Is A Diaper Fetish?

A diaper fetish is a strong like or even obsession with diapers. These people are often called “diaper lovers” or “DL’s” for short, and while it may seem at first that the diaper lover is into pedophilia or infantophilia, they’re absolutely not. In fact, pedophiles and infantophiles are very much shunned by the diaper loving community. Some diaper lovers enjoy using diapers during sex and enjoy their partners wearing diapers during sex, however, others may not feel that diapers are sexual at all. These types of diaper lovers are often called “adult babies” and simply enjoy wearing diapers because they feel or look good to them. Adult babies may also enjoy wearing child-like pajamas, playing with children’s toys or even sucking on pacifiers. A diaper fetish is actually no different from a foot fetish, a smoking fetish, a cross dressing fetish or any other type of fetish.

So Do I Try It?

If your partner has confessed to you that he would like to wear a diaper during sex or would like to see you wearing a diaper during sex, you may be taken aback or even a little freaked out. This is very normal for people who don’t have much experience with fetishes at all or have never heard of a diaper fetish. It may take you some time to get used to the idea and get comfortable with the fact that your partner is a “diaper lover,” let alone considering trying it yourself. Stop and think about it though. Your partner’s sex fantasy could be something that really brings you and your partner together emotionally and sexually. Or it could be something that drives a wedge between the two of you. Your partner may not break up with you or leave you because you’re uncomfortable with trying his fantasy, however, it’s always going to be hanging out in the back of his mind. You have the opportunity to make his wildest fantasies come true and be a sex goddess in his eyes. If it’s not hurting anybody, why not?  However, after giving the subject some deep thought, if you’re really and truly uncomfortable with it, don’t let your partner pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.

Going Through With It

If you’ve decided to try wearing a diaper for your partner, it’s going to seem very weird and strange at first. In fact, taking a trip down the “adult diaper” aisle may send shivers down your spine. But if you’ve thought about it and decided to try it, try to put your freaked out thoughts aside. Start slow though and don’t rush into it. Try purchasing a pack of diapers for yourself and checking them out when your partner’s not around so you don’t feel any pressure to like them. Put one on and see how it feels. If you try a diaper for the first time in front of your partner and aren’t at all comfortable with it, your partner may feel hurt or betrayed when you rip the diaper off, throw it in the trash and get as far away from it as possible. Trying diapers out by yourself allows you to form your own judgements without the pressure of having your partner waiting with bated breath for your reaction. If you’ve gotten that far and aren’t thoroughly wierded out, try wearing a diaper on your next date. Surprise him by leaning over and whispering to him, “Guess what I’m wearing underneath my pants?” Let him feel the crinkle of the diaper for himself. You would be amazed at how turned on he’ll get if diapers are truly his deepest, darkest fantasy!  

It Goes Both Ways

Sex fantasies and fetishes are often harmless if they happen between two consenting adults and no one is getting hurt. However, if you try his diaper loving fantasy, it’s only fair that he try one of your fantasies. You may not have any deep, dark, secret sex fantasies but for example, if bondage is really your thing and it’s not his, it’s only fair that he play along. Try setting up a fantasy box where each of you can put in your own fantasies, wants and desires for sex. Pull out a fantasy whenever you and your partner want to do something fun. It could be your fantasy that ends up getting pulled out or it could be his!

In Your Kitchen

Using a spatula for light spanking (or hard spanking if that’s what you prefer) might have already crossed your mind, but you might have dismissed it because it seems so cliche. But what about that naughty fantasy of a nearly naked cook punishing you for trying dinner before it was ready? A simple spatula can be a lot of fun with a little imagination. Smooth fruits and vegetables can be used for homemade sex toys, such as using a very large cucumber as a dildo. Make sure it’s clean and smooth, without rotted places or rough places on the surface. NEVER insert anything into the anus that isn’t a sex toy built with a wide base specifically for anal play – it might get lost in there and warrant you and your partner a trip to the emergency room.

In Your Bathroom

A feather duster can feel divine when your partner tickles you up and down your body, especially if alternated with light or firm spanking. You may not, of course, keep a feather duster in your bathroom (or in your house for that matter) but they’re available at virtually every store and are extremely cost effective. They are definitely less expensive than their red and black sexy feather tickler counterparts. While the sexy feathers might seem more enticing, who doesn’t like a nice “French Maid” sex fantasy? You can even bring “bathroom cleaning supplies” such as soap or lotion and offer to clean up your partner’s genitals.

In Your Bedroom

Your bedroom has lots of fun BDSM toys inside, including scarves and ties that can be used for sexy blindfolds and restraints. Bondage may sound played out, but never underestimate the power of being blindfolded and tied up and not knowing what your partner is going to do to you next. Looking for something a little less blase than bondage? Try experimenting with shoes. Even if you don’t have a strong shoe fetish, experimenting with stilettos can be super fun. You can create both pleasure and pain with a sexy high heel and you’ve probably got a really hot pair of heels or even boots lying around somewhere. Don’t forget that your closet is also a great place for sexy costumes, even if you don’t seem to think so. Pair knee high boots with your normal black bra-and panty set for a hot surprise, or put on one of your partner’s white button up shirts and ties for a sexy just-from-the-office strip tease. There are lots of great roleplaying ideas that will utilize clothes you already have, such as a sexy librarian, a school teacher or a sexy pool boy or handyman. When it comes to BDSM, you just have to use your imagination!

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn, I want my boyfriend to try a bit of domination. But he seems a bit shy about doing it. How can I help him get over that shyness?

–YouTube Viewer

Taking Small Steps

You definitely can’t throw the idea of hardcore BDSM straight into your partner’s lap and expect them to be interested. That’s actually one of the fastest ways you can turn your partner off of the idea altogether. You really have to start slow when you’re introducing domination to your partner, so think about baby steps you can take and how you can start small. Try introducing your partner to bondage with a first time, introductory bondage kit complete with fuzzy handcuffs? Your partner will be less likely to be freaked out by the fuzzy cuffs and they’ll help your partner get warmed up to the real deal. Try doing a little light spanking or nibbling on your partner and see how he reacts to it. Introducing it a little bit at a time will allow your partner to process and accept domination as being pleasurable.

Introduce The Fantasy

Make sure to incorporate some of the fantasy in with your BDSM play. Don’t just tie your partner to the bed with the lights on (that is, unless, you’re doing an interrogation fantasy). That will most likely make your partner feel awkward and uncomfortable. Get your partner in the mood by roleplaying a little bit and working whatever you want to try that day into the fantasy you’re creating. Encourage your partner to try playing out their own fantasies with you as well. Try using a fantasy box, where each partner can contribute fantasies that get randomly selected on any given night. Getting your partner absorbed in a sexy fantasy will help him to want to try things he’s never tried before.

Don’t Be Pushy

If your partner isn’t comfortable with a certain fetish, don’t press him on it. Being pushy and making him feel like he’s being pressured into something he’s not comfortable with will likely have the exact opposite effect. You can’t force him to like exactly what you like or find what you like erotic. If he’s given domination a good try and he still isn’t into it, it may be time to let it go. However, introducing small things to your partner and working your way up to the big stuff slowly will help nudge your partner in the right direction without making it seem like you’re being pushy at all. Just remember not to be critical or try to make your partner feel guilty for something that they don’t want to do. If you find that you and your partner’s sexual needs aren’t fitting well, move on and find someone else who has sexual preferences that are more similar to your own.

Going Outside Of Your Current Comfort Zone

Just because you want to try kinky sex, you don’t have to start with the whips and chains right away – that is, unless you really want to. Spicing up your sex life can involve lots of fun, tame activities, as long as you and your partner are going just slightly outside of your current comfort zone. For example, if you’ve never tried light spanking or dirty talk before, try it now! If that soon becomes a part of your regular sex regimen, it will soon be time to graduate on to something else. Your “current” comfort zone is always changing – you could be completely comfortable with racy lingerie six months from now, but it may make you just a tad nervous if you’re thinking about putting it on tomorrow night. A little nervous is good though. Your goal is to make it just outside of your “bubble” and try something you’ve never done before.

Paddles

Paddles – the ones made specifically for sex, not the ones with the rubber ball on a string – are great way to get started. Most paddles that are made for the bedroom are soft and silky on one side, and hard on the other so it smarts when you give your lover a light smack on the rear end. Start by giving each other soft taps before you graduate to full on paddling pain. By starting off small and working your way up, you and your partner can both find your level of tolerance to paddling before pleasure starts turning into pain.

Blindfolds

This is an incredibly easy and fast way to bring some extra sizzle to your sex life tonight. Anything will do – a scarf or a silk necktie will work just fine, although there are a number of great blindfolds made specifically for lovers. These may be soft and silky or have naughty sayings on them to entice your partner. Either way, the sensory deprivation created by placing a blindfold over your lover’s eyes (or vice versa) is an extremely titillating experience. You or your partner won’t know what is coming, and it will force you to experience your partner’s touch (and taste and smell) in an entirely new way.

Bondage & Restraints

There’s few things that are sexier than being tied up and waiting patiently for your partner to deliver you pleasure while there’s nothing you can do about it. Take turns with your partner in some light bondage situations, allowing both you and your lover to experience the feelings of being in total control and being totally out of control where pleasure is concerned. You may find that you really enjoy one or both of these roles! Combine restraints with blindfolds for a really wild experience!

Sex Swings & Sex Furniture

You’ve heard about a thousand and one different sex positions and how they are all meant to add that extra “oomph” to your sex life. Some of these positions are darn hard to get into though, let alone actually create any kind of movement that will stimulate you or your partner! Sex furniture, such as the Tantra Sex Chair or a sex swing, are great aids to help you and your lover get into all kinds of different sex positions – without breaking your back.

Advanced Kink

If and when you and your partner are ready to graduate to advanced kink in the bedroom, try experimenting with more dominant and submissive roles. Force your partner to be your sex slave for the day, or vice versa. Some partners like to get into cross dressing a little, or have a little more fun with the fine line between pain and pleasure. Remember to be safe (and have a safe word), but when it comes to kink, the only limit is your imagination!

When To Bring It Up

Bringing up new things to try in the bedroom is not the best thing to do when you’re already in the bedroom. Never bring up new sex topics during sex, right before sex or right after sex. Also don’t bring it up during a fight or when you and your partner are tired and stressed out. So if you want your girl to get into bondage, when do you bring it up? Try talking to your girlfriend about light bondage during dinner, or after you both have had a couple glasses of wine. Bring the topic of BDSM or bondage up when you and your partner are both relaxed, stress free and are open to new ideas.

How To Bring It Up

If you have a fairly open and honest relationship with your partner, putting it out there as something you’d like to try may work well for you. However, if you’re not sure how your partner will react to your interest in bondage, you may want to be a little more creative on how you introduce the topic to her. Try telling her you read an article about bondage, or you have a friend that tried it with his girl and gauge her reaction to the information. If she seems interested, it’s probably okay to move forward with the conversation. If your girlfriend seems nervous, upset or even disgusted with the idea of BDSM or bondage, you can take that as your cue to zip it. Don’t get too hung up on your partner not wanting to try bondage, because there are lots of other fun ways you and your partner can connect in the bedroom!

What You Need

Assuming you and your partner have both agreed to try bondage, it’s best to start with light bondage rather than going straight for the hardcore handcuffs. There are a variety of products available online and at your nearest adult toy store that make bondage much more fun for both you and your partner. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on adult toys to start out with, but definitely get a few things such as a beginner’s fetish kit or japanese bondage rope. Don’t try to use regular rope you bought from the store – talk about ouch! You’ll have more success with getting your girlfriend to actually enjoy being tied up and tying you up if you have a few things that were actually made for what you want to do. If you and your partner really like the lighter stuff, you can consider graduating to some more hardcore bondage and BDSM. Remember to always have a safe word, and always stop whatever you’re doing immediately if your partner uses the safeword.

Question: Hello Dan and Jenn, I have a problem and I hope you can help me. I’m 25 years old and I go to university. However, I feel sometimes I cannot stay focused because I have too many sex fantasies during class. I don’t know why, but I’m starting to engage in wishful thinking quite often. Not only in class but in social situations, riding the bus, doing homework, it just happens. What can I do to stop my sex drive from affecting my grades and my life?

–YouTube Viewer

Your Body Is Trying To Tell You Something

If you find that you are thinking about sex all the time, or more often than usual, your body is definitely trying to tell you something. If the fantasies overrun your life, your body isn’t getting the sexual relief it needs so it tells your brain to think about sex – a lot. Just like when your body has cravings for a certain food, your body is telling you it needs sex. This is one time that you really want to listen to your body, especially if you find that the sexual fantasies are popping up everywhere, no matter what you’re doing and you find it hard to concentrate on anything else.

Finding Sexual Relief

When you find yourself fantasizing about sex often, take some time to find some time to satisfy yourself. If you’re in a relationship with someone and are sexually active, try having sex more often or incorporating some of your fantasies in your sex life. If you’re with someone and haven’t had sex yet, think about becoming sexually active with them if there are no moral or religious reasons that are keeping you from having sex. Last but not least, one of the easiest ways to relieve sexual frustration whether you’re in a relationship or not is masturbation. To try to keep the fantasies at bay while you’re at school or work, try having sex or masturbating in the morning before you leave. If you find that you’re really struggling throughout the day, you can pop in the bathroom for a quick masturbation session if you have to. Chances are though, if you incorporate more sex or masturbation into your life at home, you’ll find that you’re just fine at work or school.

Is It A Sex Addiction?

If you can’t shake your sexual fantasies regardless of how much sex you have or how much you masturbate, you may be a sex addict. A sex addiction can really interfere with your life and make living day to day very difficult. If you think you have a sex addiction, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A counselor or specialized therapist can help you find the root of the problem so you can work towards finding a solution.

What Is Erotic Asphyxiation?

Erotic asphyxiation is the practice of using various suffocation or choking methods to cut off blood supply to the brain, to attempt to induce feelings of dizziness, giddiness and lightheadedness. This can be done with a scarf or a rope around the neck and less commonly, with suffocation applied over the mouth and nose. These sensations are said to intensify an orgasm greatly for both men and women. Some people simply enjoy the feeling of being completely helpless during an orgasm and for others, self-endangerment is actually a turn on. Erotic asphyxiation is sometimes practiced with two people, where one partner applies suffocation to the other just before orgasm, however, autoerotic asphyxiation is more common. During autoerotic asphyxition, suffocation is applied during masturbation when a person is alone. Usually some form of slack noose is used, where a person can lean into it to create suffocation but is slack when a person is standing or sitting upright.

Why Is Erotic Asphyxiation Dangerous?

Erotic asphyxiation and autoerotic asphyxiation is extremely dangerous. Cutting off blood supply to the brain in any way, shape or form can cause brain damage at best or even death. When erotic asphyxiation is practiced with two people, you run the risk that your partner may choke you too hard or wait too long after orgasm to release you from suffocation. Your partner doesn’t know how hard to press or how long to suffocate you for, and can easily overdo it. With autoerotic asphyxiation, the risk is even greater. When you begin having an orgasm during masturbation, your body and mind lose control. You could pass out and not be able to lift yourself away from the noose or scarf you’re using, causing you to continue to suffocate and die. It is estimated that up to 1000 deaths a year occur from erotic asphyxiation in the United States alone.

Is There A Safe Way To Practice Erotic Asphyxiation?

There is absolutely no safe way to practice erotic asphyxiation or autoerotic asphyxiation. When the brain goes without oxygen for any period of time – even if it’s simply a few seconds or a minute – your brain begins the process of shutting down. If starved from oxygen long enough, the brain will shut down completely and cause brain damage and death. Regardless of whether you and your partner have a “safe” word or you think you’ll be able to stop suffocating yourself during masturbation in time, an intensified orgasm simply isn’t worth the risk of living the rest of your life as a vegetable or dying right then and there. There is no guarantee that you will come out of an erotic asphyxiation session alive or all there, no matter what you feel you’re doing to the contrary. There are a number of ways to create incredible, mind blowing orgasms without risking your life.

Question: I am currently going out with someone that likes BDSM and cross-dressing, some humiliation as well. The problem is as much as I love him and would like to please his every desire, I just dont seem to be able to understand the deal with BDSM or humiliation. I’m not into it. He doesn’t want me to do these things if I’m not into them. He says he loves me and doesn’t mind being with me, even if I cant seem to get into his fetishes.

–YouTube Viewer

Have You Tried It? You Might Like It!

If you partner has a fantasy or fetish that you don’t seem to be interested in, such as BDSM, bondage or humiliation, steering clear of these in the bedroom is going to make you more comfortable sexually. However, if you haven’t tried it with your partner, you might consider some light bondage next time you and your partner have sex. Your partner will really enjoy anything that relates to their fantasy and you might find that you like it! Don’t try anything you’re super uncomfortable with, but trying new things in the bedroom isn’t a bad idea.

Be True To Who You Are

If you’ve tried to share your partner’s fantasies and fetishes and just can’t seem to get into them, don’t force yourself to do things that you don’t like. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it and it’s important that you be true to who you are. It’s also important that your partner is true to who they are and if they like something, it’s essential not to criticize them about it. While you don’t have to be a part of it if you’re not comfortable with it, it’s important to allow your partner to be themselves. Being unable to find sexual satisfaction together because you both like different things in the bedroom may cause issues later on in your relationship but if they’re not bothering you or your partner now, relax and let it go. You can cross that bridge when (or if) you get there.

Find Fantasies That You Do Share

Try to find some fantasies that you and your partner both like. If you and your partner think you’re totally sexually incompatible together, you might be surprised that there are a few things that you both actually have in common. But you won’t know unless you try! Talk to your partner and be open and honest with them about what turns you on and what doesn’t. Listen to them openly about what they like or don’t like. Browse adult toys online, or even adult videos that might interest you both. Just because you aren’t into his fantasies doesn’t mean you can’t find something that you both really enjoy!

Question: Is it weird to get turned on by strange things, like fetishes and stuff? Like, there are some things I enjoy which a normal person would hate or find painful or embarrassing. Is this normal?

–YouTube Viewer

Define “Normal”

Fortunately for human beings, “normal” is relative. What is considered normal and what isn’t is based on each person’s belief system, morals and point of view. There is no concrete “this is normal and this isn’t,” because it is different for everybody. Unfortunately though, it is a common belief that one person’s view of what is normal and what isn’t must be forced on everyone else. It’s time to shake that belief, and realize that one person’s definition of what is normal or weird is going to be different from everyone else’s. It’s time to embrace our diversity and focus on our own beliefs and actions instead of dictating everyone else’s.

What Is A Fetish?

A fetish, as defined by UrbanDictionary.com, is considered a sexual obsession with a usually non-sexual object. Many people have a “shoe fetish” or a sexual obsession with shoes. Some people have a specific fetish for high heels only, while some people are turned on by shoes of all kinds. Other people may like fur, armpit or leg hair, or may be exceptionally turned on by different types of scents. Whatever your fetish is, this object generally will heighten sexual pleasure and may even be required during sex to acheive sexual release. Some fetishes, such as pedophilia and bestiality to name a few, do cross the line, so there are a few ways to tell if your sexual obsession goes too far or not.

Informed Consent Is What Makes The Difference

Regardless of what your fetish is, it must meet a few criteria for it to be considered “okay.” And by “okay,” we mean legal. Each person involved must be an adult (as in over 18) and must be able to and have given informed consent to whatever will happen. Informed consent can’t be given by children, animals or those mentally unable to make informed decisions such as people who are very intoxicated or have a mental handicap. It’s also a good idea if no one gets seriously hurt, although some sexual obsessions such as biting, piercing and bloodletting could be viewed by others as being “serious,” while if done safely pose very little harm at all. When experimenting with fetishes, always use a safe word and if someone wants to stop, STOP! If everyone involved is an adult and has made the informed decision to participate, and as long as no one gets seriously hurt, you can relax. Your fetish may seem “strange” to others but if it works for you, go for it!

Introducing The Idea

Many women enjoy the idea of having sex with their partner with a strap on. It gives them the feeling of power and lets them experience a different side of sex altogether. Some men enjoy being on the receiving end, however, many men do not relish the idea at all. How can you find out if your man would like being pleased anally with a strap on? First, try traditional anal sex and let your partner please you anally. This is a good way to introduce him to the idea of anal play at all. Communicate with him how much it turns you on. Also, try a few roleplaying activities that allow your partner to take the role of the submissive. This is a great way to allow him to explore being submissive without diving right into anal play. If he enjoys anal sex with you and enjoys being submissive sometimes, browse a sex toy store online and let him suggest a few toys he would like to play with.

Getting Him Warmed Up

Don’t start by outright suggesting he try being on the receiving end of a strap on. Instead, give him plenty of time to warm up to anal play by purchasing a few small anal toys, such as anal beads or small butt plugs, and use lots and lots of silicone or water based lubricant. Never use desensitizing lube, because if it is painful or uncomfortable, he should stop. Once your partner really gets into anal play, try taking a look at a smaller sized dildo with a strap on. Let him know it could be a toy for both of you to enjoy!

Do’s And Don’ts Of Strap On Play

• Don’t try any kind of anal play without lots of lube.
• Don’t force your partner into a submissive role or strap on play if that isn’t where he wants to be.
• Listen to him if he tells you something makes him uncomfortable or becomes painful.
• Start small and work your way up. Always use toys and dildos that have a wide base on the end of them to prevent the anal toy from being lodged in the anus. You don’t want to risk it not being able to get back out.
• Start slow and go slow. Anal play is not the time to be rough – stuff can tear back there!
• Have a safety word and use it if one of you becomes uncomfortable.
• Be open to ideas that your partner wants to try too – let him share something with you that really turns him on and make a vow to try it with him.

Question: I have been having sex with my girlfriend for 3 months now and just recently she keeps bring up the idea of her pleasuring me with a strap on. The idea scares me and I feel as if I were to go through with it I would be less of a man. How do I talk her out of it?

–YouTube Viewer

Open And Honest Communication

When bringing up a fantasy, whether it’s your fantasy or hers, it’s important that both you and your partner be open and honest with each other. Each partner should be able to bring up a fantasy of theirs without the fear of criticism or being laughed at. That doesn’t mean you have to go along with it though. If her fantasy makes you uncomfortable (or vice versa) it’s important that you are honest with your partner and voice your concerns without being condescending or critical. Sex between you and your partner should be enjoyable for both of you, and neither partner should be forced to be uncomfortable just so the other partner can have a pleasurable experience. If your partner wants to try something that makes you uncomfortable, let her know. If she wants to have sex with you using a strap-on, let her know what about that idea causes you discomfort.

How To Say No

Whether you aren’t into the idea of playing in the mud or you’d rather keep your anus a “one way only” street, those are all perfectly sound reasons to bring up to your partner. When you’re talking to your partner about why you don’t want to have her use a strap-on on you, make sure that you use “I” terms instead of “you” terms. This is about you after all, and why the idea of her introducing this type of BDSM makes you uneasy. Be careful not to make her feel as though her fantasies are gross or wrong. She should feel safe enough in the relationship to bring her fantasies up in conversation, whether you actually go through with them or not.

She Should Respect You

If you respect your partner enough to make it safe for her to share her fantasies with you, she should respect you enough to realize that you may not want to participate in all of them. Ultimately, if you’re not comfortable with something, she shouldn’t force you to do it or become angry if you won’t. It’s your body after all. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If she doesn’t respect you enough to dismiss her fantasy and find a form of sex or BDSM that you both can enjoy in the bedroom, it’s time to move on to someone who does respect you and your body.

Question: What are your opinions on certain fetishes like furries and bestiality?

–YouTube Viewer

When It Doesn’t Cross The Line

There are lots of fetishes and fantasies that don’t cross the line. For example, shoe fetishes, smoking fetishes, lingerie fetishes…the list goes on and on. It would be impossible to name every single fetish out there, especially since new ones are being discovered almost every day. So how can you determine if your fantasy is kosher? The golden rule here is that as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and can make an informed decision about being involved, and as long as no one is getting seriously hurt, you’re good to go. Which begs the question, when does a fetish or fantasy cross the line?

When It Crosses The Line

The golden rule applies here too. If someone involved in the activity isn’t a consenting adult and is not able to make an informed decision, you need to find another way to play. This includes kids, animals, people who are too intoxicated or people who are otherwise impaired and do not have the ability to make an informed decision about being involved in a certain activity. So does bestiality fall into this category? Absolutely. Animals cannot answer for themselves whether they want to be involved in an activity and anyone’s best guess is that they don’t and they are quite frankly, unwilling participants.

Are Bizarre Fetishes Wrong?

Not necessarily. While pedophilia and bestiality do indeed cross the line, there are a great deal of “bizarre” fetishes that actually don’t. Urophilia (also known as a golden shower or being urinated on or urinating on someone else), and klismaphilia (the practice of giving or receiving enemas for sexual gratification) are among many of the so-called “bizarre” or “weird” fetishes out there that do absolutely no harm as long as only consenting adults are involved.

If Your Fantasy Goes Too Far…

If your fetish crosses the line, get some help. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor or a counselor about it. They can help you find other ways to satisfy your sexual needs without hurting or taking advantage of others, including animals. If your fetish is just plain strange but doesn’t hurt anyone and everyone involved is an adult that is cool with it, go for it! Have fun and enjoy your fantasy. As long as you follow the golden rule, it’s no one else’s business what goes on behind closed doors. On that same token, don’t judge others for their fetishes or fantasies that might seem strange to you – as long as you follow the golden rule.

Cuckold Fantasy: My Wife With Another Man – Why Do I Like It? (Video)

How Do I Introduce BDSM To My Boyfriend? (Video)

Is Cross Dressing A Turn Off To Women? (Video)

Asexual Wanting BDSM But Not Sex – Is It The Medication? (Video)

Help! My Boyfriend Wants To Be Tied Up! (Video)

My Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With A Donkey (Video)

Is My Foot Fetish Weird? (Video)

Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad? (Video)

What’s Your Safe Word? How to Get Off Without Getting Hurt

Sexual Fetishes – Is My Smoking Fetish Weird? (Video)

What happens when we start carry those term of endearment into the bedroom? Watch this video to find out if it’s normal to call each other ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy,’ even when the kids aren’t around.

Using “Mommy” And “Daddy” To Refer To Your Partner

Lots of parents call each other “Mommy” or “Daddy” in front of the kids, and sometimes when they’re alone just out of habit. This is a completely normal part of parental life, especially if you’re teaching very little ones what to call your partner. If you refer to your partner as “Jeff” all the time, but ask your little one to call him “Daddy,” she might get confused. It can definitely help teach little ones if you and your partner call each other “Mommy” and “Daddy” too. But is there ever a point where these terms of endearment aren’t normal?

Using “Mommy” And “Daddy” In The Bedroom

It may be out of habit, or it may be a bit of fun roleplaying, but sometimes the terms “Mommy” and “Daddy” get carried away in the bedroom. Some people even like to roleplay with those terms, with “Mommy” punishing her bad boy, or her partner asking, “Who’s your Daddy?” This may seem strange, or even sick, but it’s just part of roleplaying. If both partners are into it, and both partners are comfortable and emotionally mature enough to realize that it is just a roleplaying game, there’s certainly nothing wrong with it, just as there is nothing wrong with playing “teacher” in the bedroom, or “french maid.” As long as everyone involved is having fun and isn’t getting hurt, there’s no reason to think there’s something “wrong” with you. If someone becomes uncomfortable, find a new game to play. It’s as simple as that.

When It Crosses The Line

There is a point where being “Mommy” in the bedroom (or being “Daddy” for that matter) can cross the line. If you’re playing “Mommy” and your partner is thinking of his own mother, there are some psychological issues there that probably need to be addressed. Although, your partner is the only one that will ever know that, so it’s up to him to seek help if he finds that he’s having these kids of issues. Also, if being “Daddy” in the bedroom leads a man into psychological or physical abuse of his own children because he’s so into it, that is definitely a call for professional help. Other than that, it’s very hard for two, emotionally mature, consenting adults to make roleplaying “Mommy” and “Daddy” in the bedroom go too far. So what do you think? Is it sick or sexy?

I enjoy wearing a leash, collar, bit and saddle sometimes, and I sometimes enjoy being groomed. Does this qualify as a BDSM fetish? What makes people enjoy the different things they do?

 

–Tom, IN

A Basis Of Comparison

First of all, trying to find out if your kinkiness is considered “abnormal,” or if it’s beyond all others, you’re really fighting a losing battle. What is considered “normal” in this society? It’s all about perception, which can easily be distorted by religion, culture and even television or movies. In reality, various fetishes are common, even though people don’t always share them with others. Most people actually think that their fetish or kink is “normal” and everyone else is “abnormal,” regardless of how strange their own kink would seem to someone else. That is the true crux of the matter – why let what other people do or don’t do or what other people think or don’t think dictate what you like to do in your own bedroom?

A Colorful Variety Of Fetishes

There are probably more fetishes out there than you could even imagine. Shoe fetishes and BDSM are commonly talked about, but what about crossdressing? Asian women and men? Smoking after sex? Roleplaying? The Princess Leia slave costume fetish? Believe it or not, everyone has a little kink in them somewhere. Fetishes can arise from anything in our lives, even something stemming from childhood. Did you really like the princesses in the cartoon fairy tales? Perhaps you enjoy dressing up as them now during sex and imagining what that would have been like in the movies. Perhaps your mother enjoyed getting her nails done at a salon and now you enjoy having sex with women who have extraordinarily long, false fingernails that they use during sex. There’s no limit to what someone can like during sex!

When Does It Cross The Line?

Fetishes and kinks may seem like an intensely gray area with no real boundaries, but it’s actually quite easy to find out if your fetish crosses the line. Does it severely hurt other people? Does it involve people or animals who don’t give their consent? Does it involve anyone who is not a legal adult? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, it’s definitely time to seek professional help. If you answered “no” to all of those questions, you still might consider talking to an unbiased counselor if you find that your fetish is taking over your life, preventing you from having healthy relationships and living a normal life. If having your fetish involves only legal, consenting adults and no one is getting seriously hurt, and it is allowing you to live a full and healthy lifestyle both in and out of the bedroom, embrace your uniqueness and enjoy your fetish!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Cuckold question: I like watching my wife get banged by a well endowed man. I love watching her climax in ways she doesn’t with me. Is this TOO weird?

–John, IN

Who Gets To Determine What Is Normal?

First of all, what is considered “normal” in this society? There are so many varieties of people with different cultures and different backgrounds who all do things a little bit differently that it’s practically impossible for anyone to determine a baseline of what is considered “normal” or “abnormal.” With that said, people might think your fantasy is weird if you share it with them, but what about those guys who like wearing women’s underwear – do you think that’s weird? Everyone’s own fantasy or fetish isn’t considered strange to them, but other people’s fantasies are labeled “weird” or “abnormal.” It’s all subjective, so worry less about what is “normal” and what isn’t and focus more on how to get what you and your partner both want in a sexually healthy relationship.

Confidence In Your Sexuality And Masculinity

If you enjoy watching your wife have sex with another man and are genuinely cool with it, you deserve some kudos! While involving other women with their wife in a 2-girl, 1 guy threesome is a typical man’s fantasy, the tables often get turned when a woman suggests bringing another man into the equation. Most men are too self conscious, too jealous and too insecure with themselves to really enjoy watching their partner be with another person sexually. If you’re not bothered by watching your wife become sexually intimate with another man and truly enjoy watching her be pleasured in this way, it speaks volumes about your confidence in yourself and your masculinity.

Have Fun!

The best way to judge if your sexual fantasy or fetish is “crossing” the line is to ask yourself the basic question – does it involve only consenting adults? Is everyone comfortable with what is going on? If so, have fun! As long as you and everyone involved can legally consent to sexual activity and no one is being harmed or doing something they’re uncomfortable doing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your sexual fetish or fantasy. Make sure your relationship with your partner stays strong and healthy, and communicate with them regularly about what you like, what she likes and what the third person likes during sex. If any hard feelings come up, talk to your partner about them. If you have any suggestions about what would turn you on more, or if your partner has any suggestions about what would turn them on more, it’s important to keep an open line of communication going when it comes to your sex life. The biggest reason that threesome fantasies crumble is that partners have a breakdown in communication – enjoy yourself and talk to your partner often for a healthy and happy sex life!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m very comfortable with my sexuality and a little on the BDSM side… I’ve been this way for years. My fiance and I have done a few things, but I want to try even more – costumes, props, etc. I don’t think he knows how dark my sexual side can be. How can I bring it up to him without scaring him?

–Desiree, MO

Let Your Partner Go First

Ask your partner what turns them on. This is not the time for a “sit down” talk, rather, you want to ask him in a very nonchalant sort of way. Bring it up if you’re watching a romantic movie with a hot sex scene, or even if you’re watching pornography together. If you’re visiting the mall, pop into the lingerie store or even the novelty stores that carry some sex toys. Asking your partner what turns them on opens them up to their own fantasies and gets their minds going.

Introduce Yourself Slowly

Don’t break into your fetish by surprising your partner with a leash and collar while wearing a full black leather outfit. You might scare them off! Try incorporating light BDSM into your foreplay and sexual routine, such as using a feather duster or even a light whip. Try purchasing some racier lingerie, or sexy shoes that reflect what turns you on. You can even suggest roleplaying light BDSM roles, such as light submission or light dominance. You might find that your partner really likes this type of sex play and begins to get more into it! If this happens, just ease into your fetish or fantasy slowly, until you’re really sharing with your partner what you like and what turns you on.

Try A Fantasy Box

A “Fantasy Box” is something you and your partner can try if you’re really shy about sharing your fantasies with your partner or your partner is really shy about sharing their fantasies with you. Write down your fantasies on a scrap piece of paper and put it in the box. Have your partner do the same. Make a “rule” that once a week, a fantasy is pulled out of the box and is enacted. If some fantasies require planning, give you and your partner enough time to purchase costumes, etc. This can even be something fun that you do together that can bring you and your partner closer! Decorate the fantasy box with things you both find sexy to make it even more fun.

No matter what, your sex life should be enjoyable and fulfilled, no matter what fetish or fantasy you like. You might be surprised – your fetish or fantasy probably isn’t as uncommon as you think it is! If your partner is freaked out by your fetish, whether it’s BDSM or something else, and you can’t work past it, consider that they might not be the partner for you. Remember – there’s someone out there for everyone!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a fetish for cross dressing. I like dressing up in sexy lingerie, but I don’t go out in public or anything. Are the any women out there who are open enough to consider this a normal part of a healthy sex life? I also like the idea of dressing up as a French maid and submitting myself to the lady of the manner….

–Jonathan, FL

Some Like It, Some Don’t

Many women aren’t going to be turned on by men who enjoy cross dressing – it’s just fact. While some women don’t mind it, some are going to be turned off by it. That doesn’t mean you have to give up what you enjoy though! There are women who enjoy cross dressing themselves, and who enjoy being with men who like to cross dress. There’s someone for everyone, no matter what your fetish or fantasy is. You just have to find them!

Where To Look

Okay, so popping over to the bookstore might help you meet a nice girl, it’s not likely to be the best place to meet someone who either won’t mind your cross dressing or someone who might even share your fetish with you. There are, however, lots of good places online to meet people who share your interests or similar interests to yours! Browse through online dating websites or online fetish websites where you can specify your interest in cross dressing before you even meet someone. It’s refreshing to know right off the bat that someone who shows interest in you through these websites know that you enjoy cross dressing and either like it or don’t have a problem with it.

How To Tell Someone Who Doesn’t Know

What if you’re already involved with someone or are dating someone who doesn’t know that you like to cross dress but you would like to share this fetish with them? This can be a tricky situation, but it’s definitely not an impossible one. Don’t have a “sit down” talk with them. This can be uncomfortable and will put your partner on the spot, and it can be especially awkward if they don’t react to your cross dressing in the way you expected. Try introducing it slowly. Buy a silky robe and see if your partner likes the feel of it on you. Try wearing her panties to bed and see what she thinks – if she doesn’t like it, you can always play it off as having fun. If she does, visit a lingerie shop with her, and pick out fun, sexy lingerie for both of you. Sharing your cross dressing with her slowly can help warm her up to the idea, and then you can begin to share your fantasies with her!

No matter what your fetish or fantasy is, it’s important to have someone you can share it with. Don’t judge other people and don’t let them judge you – to each his own and there’s always someone out there for everybody!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I fantasize about being a prostitute, having sex with strangers and being naughty – having to do what the other person wants and even getting paid for it. I want to experience this fantasy with my husband, but he’s not comfortable being the ‘dominant’ one. How can we pull this off so that everyone has fun?

–Lisa, WA

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

I’ve been asexual all my life. I met my boyfriend on an asexual website. I’m taking medication and now I’m getting a sex drive. Now, all I can think about is BDSM. I can live with normal sex, but I can’t be happy with BDSM. My mind would never accept this type of lifestyle. What do I do?

 

–Alyssa, Virginia

What is “Asexual”

“Asexual” is a sexual orientation, much like being gay, bisexual, lesbian or straight. Asexual people usually do not desire sex, and form emotional and satisfying relationships without being sexual at all. It’s comparable to celibacy, with the exception that asexuality is a sexual orientation and not a choice like celibacy is. You might want to compare it to the difference between being a lesbian (a sexual orientation) or just choosing to have a threesome because it’s fun. Asexuality is like celibacy, but it’s something that is rooted deep inside of the person’s identity rather than a choice.

A Sudden Interest In BDSM – Is It The Medication?

In this particular situation, experiencing a different set of emotions and feelings right after beginning a new medication should not be taken lightly. Anti-depressants, epilepsy medications and other type of mind altering medications can make you feel all sorts of different ways, even ways that you would have never expected or anticipated. If you’ve just started taking a new medication and find that your emotional and even sex drive is different than before you began the medication, it’s important to talk to your doctor. Talk with your medical doctor or even a psychiatrist to find out whether these new feelings are a side effect of the medication and will dissipate or not. If these new feelings are a result of the medication, ask your doctor if you are able to switch to a different medication that may not cause these side effects, or how to best handle the side effects until your body gets used to the medication.

It’s Not The Medication – Now What?

If you’ve found out that the medication has not caused your newfound desires and fantasies, it’s time to dig deep and start questioning yourself. You may still be asexual, but if you’re having desires and fantasies, find out where your comfort zones are. Are you okay with incorporating sex into your life? What about the BDSM part? In this situation, this particular person is uncomfortable with acting out on her BDSM fantasies. Why? Examine yourself and ask yourself why you’re comfortable with some things and not others. Think about trying BDSM, or slowly easing yourself into it. Try light roleplaying, or even a little dressing up, without harming yourself or harming someone else. There are lots of fun ways to get into BDSM without starting with the whips and chains. You might find out that this is something you really enjoy, with or without sex!

Remember, experimenting with your desires and fantasies is fun – it’s not supposed to be intimidating or make you feel ashamed. As long as you and anyone else involved is having fun and isn’t getting hurt, what is the harm in trying a few things out? It could be something that really fulfills your life, even asexually.

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

 

My boyfriend wants to be tied up, but I’ve never done it before! What are some tame ideas that I can start with that are comfortable for both of us?

 

–Sheila, Texas

Tying Him Up

If you want to start by tying your partner up but you’ve never done it before, try using light bondage such as fuzzy handcuffs or silk ties. You can even incorporate a blindfold to make it more exciting! Loosely tie your partner to a chair or to a bedpost and make sure the knot is too tight. A good thing to do before you start tying your partner up – or start doing anything BDSM related at all – is to come up with a code word that either partner can use if something becomes uncomfortable or painful. “Stop” is usually inefficient in the heat of the moment, so come up with something totally unrelated like, “banana” or “fairies.” It may sound silly, but it’s a great way to communicate if something has gone too far.

What To Do Once You’ve Tied Him Up

Chances are, your partner wants to be tied up because he’s wanting to feel a little submissive. So slip into a more dominant role and lightly tease him! You can tease him using props, such as chocolate sauce or even a light feather duster. If you’re really feeling kinky, a light elastic whip might do the trick! Tease him with nibbling, kissing, light biting and possibly light spanking if he’s into it. You can also do a little anal play while he’s tied up, because most guys are unresponsive to anal play ordinarily. Be careful with this, but you might find that your partner enjoys being in a submissive position and would be more receptive to anal play this way. If you want to try anal play, be gentle and go slow! Also, giving him a nice lap dance can be a great finishing touch while he’s completely tied up.

Advanced BDSM

If you and your partner find light BDSM interesting, you might be more willing to venture into something a little more hardcore. You never have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, but if it turns you on, why not? There are lots of stores – real and online – that can provide you with costumes, toys, sexy shoes, gags, muzzles, leashes and anything you can imagine to help you get your BDSM groove on. Just make sure you have your safe word handy (or a safe gesture if you’re gagged) and you’re ready to go!

First and foremost, whether you’re engaging in regular sex or BDSM, it’s important that you’re comfortable with everything on the table. Communicate to your partner beforehand what you like and listen to what they like – be open and honest about sharing your fantasies and non-judgmental when it comes to acting them out. If you’re open to it, you and your partner can find lots of ways to enrich your sex life and have a more exciting and satisfying time with each other!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband wants me to have sex with a donkey and videotape it.  I’m incredibly uncomfortable with it, but he says if I don’t, it’s over.  What do I do?

–Jeanne, Arkansas

You’re Uncomfortable With It

If you’re uncomfortable with animal bestiality, join the masses. Most people don’t agree with bestiality and many people are extremely uncomfortable with it.

If you’re not comfortable with animal bestiality, that’s perfectly normal – but what if animal bestiality is something you enjoy? Is it okay to indulge your sexual pleasures this way?

Typically, sex is something that is limited to being between two consenting adults that aren’t truly harming each other. Once you step outside this box, you run the risk of really hurting someone or even getting in legal trouble.

An animal cannot give consent to sexual activity with a person in much the same way a child cannot, and engaging in animal bestiality crosses the line as much as child molestation does.

If you find yourself in this situation, don’t be afraid to seek help! There are lots of ways to enjoy sex without hurting other people or animals.

Your Partner Wants You To Do It

If your partner enjoys animal bestiality and you don’t, you might find yourself in an incredibly uncomfortable situation, especially if your partner is pressuring you to have sex with an animal.

Whether it’s an animal, another person or even your partner themselves, you have the right to have sex or not have sex at your discretion.

If animal bestiality makes you uncomfortable, don’t do it! If your partner is pressuring you to do things that you’re not okay with doing, recognize that you’re being manipulated and walk away.

Even if your partner is threatening to leave you or harm you in some way if you don’t do what they ask – whether it be having sex with an animal or doing anything else that makes you uncomfortable – you’d be better off if they did.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help or even let a law enforcement official know about your situation if you truly feel that your safety and well being is being threatened if you don’t do what your partner is asking you to do.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that you shouldn’t be pressured by anyone to do anything that you’re not comfortable with doing. That includes animal bestiality and anything else that you’re just not okay with doing.

Don’t let yourself be manipulated into engaging in any sexual act that you don’t want to engage in. On the other side of the coin, if you find yourself in a position where you are enjoying sexual acts that are crossing the line – including animal bestiality – it’s important that you take a step back and realize where that line should be drawn.

Keep sex between two consenting adults and keep it safe – there are many ways to have a fulfilling and satisfying sex life without taking it too far.