There are as many ways to have sex as there are people in the world – whether you enjoy slow, sensual intimacy with your partner or a little raunchy fun, sex is an incredible experience between two people. Many people enjoy rough, hard sex – is it just a fetish or something more?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love rough, hard sex.  I like to have it all the time!  Is this just a fetish or is there something wrong with me?

–Alyssa, New Jersey

What Goes On Behind Closed Doors?

What goes on in your bedroom – or living room or kitchen, for that matter – is your business as long as it is between two consenting adults and isn’t harming anyone. Most of the time sex – even the rough, hard kind – falls into this category but occasionally it doesn’t.

Make a mental checklist of what is going on between you and your partner when you have rough sex. Are both parties consenting adults? Is either party being hurt in some way? Usually, this is where some types of rough, hard sex cross the line.

Some people enjoy being hurt, but it’s important to look at the extent of it to decide how much is too much. Strangulation and asphyxiation are especially dangerous, as are things that would require either partner to seek a doctor’s attention afterwards.

If you like rough, hard sex, just make sure you’re being safe.

Is It A Fetish?

Typically, a fetish is an obsession with a single thing – such as shoes or bondage – but that doesn’t mean a liking for rough, hard sex is excluded. If you enjoy rough sex all the time, so much so that you avoid having any other type of sex, you might have a bit of a fetish.

That’s okay – as long as you’re not truly hurting someone or involving someone that doesn’t want to be involved. If your partner really enjoys rough sex and you do too, it can be a great way to connect in the bedroom.

If your partner enjoys rough, hard sex and you typically do not, that’s when it may cross the line.

Open Communication

If your partner likes hard sex and you don’t, make sure your partner knows this right away! You don’t have to submit yourself to sex that isn’t enjoyable to you and may be hurting you.

Chances are, your partner will be open to finding new ways of pleasing you and themselves without rough sex.

If feel that your partner might have a serious issue with rough sex, especially if they refuse to stop even after you’ve asked them to, it’s definitely going too far. If this is the case, consider the fact that you and your partner might not be a good match for each other.

Whether you enjoy rough, hard sex with your partner or prefer a softer side of your partner in the bedroom, just keep the lines of communication as open as you can.

Whether it’s coming up with a safety word that lets you both know it’s time to stop or simply letting your partner know you’re not really into the hard sex fetish, communication is the key to a healthy and happy sexual relationship.