Addressing the Emotional Side of BDSM

• Negotiate a scene. Discuss your turn ons, turn offs, limits, and what you both want out of the experience. Have any ideas for props or role playing? One fun way I discuss my fantasies with my partner is through Instant Messenger. We IM each other from separate rooms, acting out a fantasy virtually, which gets us worked up mentally and physically. Mmm, virtual foreplay!

• Let’s talk about safewords again. One thing I have noticed in my experience is that I don’t want to use my safeword. I have come to think that uttering it would be weak, and it’ a source of pride for me that I don’t use it. GET OVER THIS MENTALITY. Your dom is depending on you to keep him or her informed of your state of mind. Body language can be read, but not minds. It might be a good idea to employ a play session where the goal is to make the sub use the safeword.

• Afterwards, baby your sub. Make sure he or she is hydrated, warm, and comfortable.

• Talk about it afterwards. Share with each other what you liked and didn’t like about the scene. If something freaked you out, that’s not a deal breaker, it’s a learning experience.

Once again I recommend filling out the BDSM fetish checklist, as it has a section on limits, safewords, and signals. Not only does your partner learn more about what turns you on, but in filling it out, YOU learn something about yourself as well. It’s so much fun to explore. Be safe, be well, and flog on!

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