Dear Dan and Jennifer,

When wife gives me oral sex, it seems to hurt more than it feels good. Is there something wrong with me?

–Kevin, Michigan

When Does It Hurt?

It’s important to find out when your genitals hurt or become uncomfortable. If your genitals hurt all the time, such as during oral sex, during urination and at other times, you might want to consider making an appointment with your doctor.

While oral sex can sometimes hurt if the person giving oral sex doesn’t have good technique, your genitals should not hurt or be uncomfortable at other times. It never hurts to get checked out – it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Technique

Most likely, your partner’s technique is what is causing you discomfort. Both types of oral sex – fellatio and cunnilingus – can become uncomfortable and even painful if your partner doesn’t have good technique. Teeth can get in the way and even a tongue that moves too quickly or is rough can become uncomfortable.

Abrasive facial hair is a big issue for women receiving oral sex as it can often make the genitals raw and painful after an oral sex session. Often, both men and women have poor technique when it comes to oral sex. Men are often too rough with women during cunnilingus and many women suck too hard or squeeze too tight during fellatio.

If receiving oral sex from your partner is uncomfortable and painful at all, try to pinpoint exactly what they’re doing that is causing you discomfort. Is your partner pressing too hard with their teeth, or are their teeth scraping you too hard? Is your partner performing oral sex on you too fast or using their hands in a way that feels rough?

Talk To Each Other

When it comes to oral sex – or any kind of sex, for that matter – communication between the two partners is key. If something becomes uncomfortable or painful, it’s important to let your partner know in a completely non-critical way.

Let your partner know that a certain activity is uncomfortable, but also suggest something that you like instead. Giving your partner positive feedback during an oral sex session is one of the best ways to communicate to your partner what not to do, simply by letting them know what you do like.

If you like a certain maneuver or technique during oral sex, your partner will automatically want to use that technique to give you the maximum amount of pleasure. Just let your partner know what you like! If your partner is going something wrong, suggest ways that they can do it differently that would be more pleasurable for you or keep oral sex from being uncomfortable.

Back and forth communication is the best way to keep oral sex pleasurable instead of becoming uncomfortable or painful. Your partner will most likely appreciate positive input and your sexual relationship will become better and more fulfilling and satisfying.