Many women have difficulty achieving orgasm, however, some men have difficulty achieving orgasms as well.

Some men can only achieve orgasms with intercourse, which can be frustrating to their partners who are trying to please them with oral sex or genital massage.

If you can only achieve orgasm through intercourse, you’re not alone, but what can you do about it?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have trouble reaching orgasm except through intercourse. I want to find other ways to share my orgasms with my partner. How can I do that?

–Nikki, West Virginia

Inner Emotions

Older generations of men had much more societal pressure not to masturbate or touch themselves in any sexual way than more current generations of men. Especially in very religious cultures, masturbation and even oral sex is considered “wrong” or “dirty.”

Men that would get caught masturbating or even receiving oral sex or genital massage became socially outcast, even by their mothers, fathers and other family members. The school of thought at the time was that sexual pleasure was reserved for intercourse between a man and a woman after marriage.

Anything outside those boundaries were considered “bad,” even though scientifically, masturbation and other forms of sexual pleasure are perfectly normal.

Men from older generations and even some younger men who come from strong religious backgrounds may feel inwardly that these types of sexual acts are, in fact, “wrong,” even if they don’t realize it.

This can actually prohibit him from feeling sexual pleasure during these types of activities, making it impossible for him to have an orgasm that way.

If you find yourself in this situation, it’s not a permanent problem. You can get the help of an unbiased counselor or sex therapist to help you obtain the tools you need to let go of any inner emotions that could be making it difficult or impossible for you to orgasm through any means but intercourse.

Trying New Techniques….

You can also have your partner try new and different techniques and you can be open with your partner and let them know what feels good and what doesn’t. While this is an approach that works well in conjunction with therapy or counseling, trying this alone likely won’t help you achieve an orgasm through oral sex or genital massage if you’ve previously been unable to do so.

If you and your therapist are beginning to work through some of your inner issues, you can work with your partner to find the type of stimulation that really gets you turned on and keeps you turned on. If you like stimulation a certain way, don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you like and don’t like!

It can be frustrating not to be able to reach orgasm in any way other than intercourse, but it’s usually not something that lasts forever, especially if you get help in understanding what is causing the problem and how to get through it.

Shed the thoughts that oral sex and genital massage is “bad” or “wrong” and learn to accept sexual pleasure as a whole as normal. Mammals of all kinds seek sexual pleasure in a variety of ways, and it’s normal that you would too!

Your therapist can help you to work through your issues and your partner can help you find out what you like best sexually, so when you’re ready, you can have a great orgasm a number of different ways – not just intercourse!