Have you ever been with a partner that seems to think he is on the set of some porn instead of with a lover in bed? He does one of the telltale signs, like makes love like a jackhammer, changes positions constantly, slams into your cervix, or keeps a lot of distance between your bodies so he can “watch the action?”

What You See Isn’t Always What You Get

Yeah, me too. It seems to be an epidemic that young men who grow up watching porn (cough, all of them), think that what they see is what sex is like. And, yes, perhaps women are guilty of believing in certain kinds of movie sex, maybe those that involve scenes with Brad Pitt or Richard Gere, but those misconceptions never end with semen on someone’s face.

The bad news is that you have a lover who thinks your roommate might walk in and “want to join” or that you’re into double-penetration. The good news is that you can dispel him of that myth and teach him how to have REAL SEX in an enjoyable way.

Yes, I said it. You have to TEACH HIM. Remember that he thinks what he sees in porn is real, when you know it’s about as real as the tits. But it’s not entirely his fault, and it doesn’t make him an otherwise bad person. It just means he’s seriously misinformed.

Teach Him Real Sex vs. Porn Sex

Give him an anatomy lesson. A lot of men aren’t aware of how sensitive vaginas are, or even where they’re sensitive. So give him a lesson on how and where you liked to be touched. If you like gentle rocking intercourse, tell him, and explain that hard and fast sex doesn’t work for you. Be specific, like it’s painful, or de-sensitizing, or annoying. As much as he wants to envision himself as the next Ron Jeremy, he also wants to pleasure you and be a good lover. If you get off from clitoral stimulation, show him how you liked to be touched.

Tell him what turns you on. A little guided sex play never hurt anyone. If you give him feedback on what pleases you, he’ll keep doing it, and get a little dirty talk in the mix. For example, before he gets to the jackhammer sex, hold him still when he enters you. Say, “I love the feeling of you being inside me. Let’s just stay here for a moment.” That gives you a chance to set the pace.

Try Watching Porn With Him

Watch a porn with him. This might sound crazy, but it can work in two ways. Let him pick a porn to watch, then deconstruct it while viewing. Point out things that are arousing for you, and things that are unrealistic or unpleasant. Alternately, you can find porn, sex scenes, or erotic images that you like, and share them. It will give him an idea of what you’re into, and maybe even expose him to other types of porn available.

Give him an erotica tale that turns you on. If you’re not that into visuals, but have gotten hot from the written word, then share a story you like with him, or even write your own. Maybe he won’t start reading Danielle Steele, but he may get some insight into what many women find arousing.

How To Show Him What You Like

Show him by creating the “ideal night.” Plan a romantic evening for the two of you where you set the mood. He’ll be into your initiative, and start to see that you are a sexual being with desires all your own.

Take the lead in bed. Don’t let a guy into porn take the lead in bed unless you want to get slapped with his cock. Be more assertive in order to show him what kind of sex you like. Get on top, or whatever position makes you comfortable and gives you some control, and set the pace. If he starts to get all hard and fast on you again, take a break. Let him know he’s ruining your groove.

Try out these tips and see if he gets a better idea of what you enjoy in bed. If not, you just may have to cancel the internet connection and stock up on romance novels until he gets it right.