Just like your innate personality dictates whether or not you’re a “social butterfly” or a “shrinking violet“, the same is true for how you express your sexuality.

We’ve all heard the stereotypical tales of very reserved, shy people suddenly morphing into uncontrollable wildcats once the lights go out. Or seemingly confident, strong individuals turning into blushing, fumbling kittens in the heat of the moment.

Sexual introverts come in all varieties, and more often than not, it’s very difficult to spot them out. Someone who is sexually introverted may be very outgoing in other aspects of their lives, but tend to close themselves off when confronted with a sexual situation.

That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex, or don’t want sex, but that it’s more difficult for them to relax and to let go of their inhibitions than it is for sexual extraverts.

Being able to relax and to let go are crucial to a healthy and satisfactory sex life, so helping a sexual introvert feel secure enough to open themselves up in front of someone else is an important task for their lovers.

This is particularly true if both people in a relationship are sexually introverted, because neither may possess the necessary skills to “bring out” the other’s sexual side.

Knowing if you or your partner is a sexual introvert is often very helpful. It might be the explanation you’ve been looking for to a whole slew of seemingly “strange” sexual behaviors.

(For example, you may wonder why your partner loves to read steamy erotica before bed, but then refuses your sexual advances once you’re in bed!)

You Might Be a Sexual Introvert If:

1. You Think About Sex All the Time…

But rarely actually have it. Sexual introverts enjoy thinking about sex – a lot. In fact, for many it becomes an interesting preoccupation and lifelong curiosity. Often times they know much more about sex (its cultural history, the bodily mechanics, etc.) than do most people, but their knowledge comes from books, movies, and conversations with others rather than from real life experiences.

2. You’ve Read the Entire Kama Sutra…

But still use the missionary position every time. It’s true, you’ve probably memorized every picture, read every sexual technique book there is, and can recite passages from your favorite erotic novel. But when it comes to having actual, physical sex with your partner it’s always “the same old, same old”.

3. You Have Very Detailed Sexual Fantasies…

But are usually disappointed when (and if) you try to act upon them. Often the imagined sexual scenarios that sexual introverts create in their minds are more powerful than “real life” experiences for them.

This is by no means the fault of their lovers. It’s just that their fantasies are continuously perfected, like works of erotic art only they can see.

Because of this, real sex is often disappointing, and over time sexual introverts learn to go through the motions of sex in order to appease their partners rather than to satisfy their own sexual desires. That’s why sex with them can become so routine.

How to Spice Things Up if Your Partner is a Sexual Introvert

If you are a sexual introvert, or suspect your partner to be one, there are ways to make your boring and/or routine sex life more interesting and comfortable.

Assuming that you’ve already gained their trust, and have moved past their initial emotional barriers, the first thing you have to remember is how cerebral sexual introverts are about sex.

If you’re going to spice things up, it has to be done in an intelligent way. Don’t expect them to become our proverbial “wildcat” mentioned earlier just because you suggest trying a new position.

They’ve probably imagined what that position would feel like a thousand times, and unless you have something that surprises them out of their fantasies, they’ll stay firmly within their imaginations the entire time you‘re having sex.

And therein lies the key to unlocking their true sexual selves – Surprise!

You are not their fantasy. They aren’t controlling your every move, so use that to your advantage. Every time you do something that they’re not expecting, something they haven’t thought of before, it jolts them back to reality.

Carefully planned sexual rendezvous and little bits of added flare, like a vibrator hidden in the corner, or a sudden well-timed spank, can help them to appreciate the actual experience of having sex, rather than relying on their imaginations to turn them on.

Once out of their normal routines, those introverted sexual feelings are much more likely to come to the surface and to make their way into your real sex lives – Making both people a lot more sexually satisfied.