Teenage girls around the world come face to face with this dilemma every day. Are they ready for sex? When is a good time to have sex? Are they prepared for the consequences of sex and are they properly protecting themselves from STD’s and pregnancy? Are they emotionally ready for sex? Usually, these questions are applied to virgins alone. Society assumes that once you have sex, you’re always ready to have sex again, whether you’re with a new partner or not. But what about those of us who have … uh … been around the block, so to speak?

“When” Not “If”

If you’re not a virgin and begin dating a new partner who is also not a virgin, the question becomes “when is the right time to have sex,” instead of “if.” You’ve probably heard of the golden ’3 date rule’ and may have even heard of people waiting quite a bit longer to become comfortable with each other to have sex. Still, the question is never “if,” unless you’re a virgin or are with someone who is. The question is always “when.” What if you want that “if” factor back? Can you have an “if” factor, even if you’ve had sex before?

Getting The “If” Factor

You always have control over your own body. You decide when – or  if – you have sex, along with the how, when and where. So ask yourself, “am I ready to have sex?” Just because you are no longer a virgin does not mean that you are required to have a sexual relationship at some point with every person you date. Ask yourself the same questions you would if you were a virgin – for example, are you emotionally ready to handle sex again? Is your body ready for sex? Are you comfortable enough with yourself to enjoy having sex again? Do you enjoy spending time with your partner enough that you are ready to share yourself physically with them? Decide if you’re ready to have sex at all, or if you’re ready to have some sexual intimacy but without “going all the way.”

Getting Rid Of Expectations

You may be ready to have sex. You may enjoy it, no matter who it’s with, and be sexually confident in yourself. If that’s your case, go for it! But many women aren’t in that position, and because they’ve “done it” before, they’re expected to “do it” again in every new relationship they’re in. Their partners are constantly wondering if “tonight is the night” or if the 3rd date really is the magic date.

It’s time to shed those expectations and make your own rules! Each time you begin dating a new partner, consider yourself a virgin all over again if you like. Ask yourself the very same questions about sex and your partner that you did before you had sex for the very first time. Because in a way, this is your very first time too! Don’t allow men, or even your friends, to suggest that because you’re not a virgin anymore that you can’t make careful decisions about sex, or abstain from sex completely with a new partner if you so choose. It’s your body! You choose what to do with it or what not to do with it.