If you dislike wearing a condom during sex, you’re certainly not the first! Many people dislike the feeling a condom has or, more to the point, the lack of feeling.

If your partner insists on having you wear a condom during sex every time, you may be frustrated, especially if she’s already using another type of birth control such as the pill.

Why do you have to wear a condom every time?  Can you convince her otherwise?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi I’ve seen your videos on YouTube. I’ve enjoyed learning new things and love that you’re so willing to share your knowledge. I’ve been seeing this girl for a little while now, things are great, we’re very comfortable and physically compatible in bed, but I haven’t finished inside of her yet.  She wants me to, but so far she insists on using a condom and I can’t climax with it on and it’s getting frustrating. The part that really bothers me is that our relationship is suffering because of it. I want to understand why she wants to use a condom when she’s already on the pill.  I’m not looking for unprotected sex. What can I do to save our sex life?

- Stan, Ohio

A Layered Defense

First of all, whether you wear a condom or not is not your choice. It’s hers. That may seem a bit unfair, but in all reality, if you want to have intercourse with her, you’re going to have to don the wet suit before you dive if she asks you to. You might be able to better accept the fact that she consistently asks you to use a condom if you understand why.

Don’t be shy. Just ask her!  The topic is probably open to discussion, but it’s important not to be critical. Chances are, she’s really not ready to have a baby. She may be doubling up on protection. Birth control in conjunction with condom use provides an extra layer of protection and makes the probability of conceiving a child much, much lower. I

f this is her reasoning, you really can’t refute that. You can suggest using spermicide instead of a condom, but it truly is her decision.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases . . . .

Your partner may insist that you wear a condom for every act of sexual intercourse to reduce the risk of contracting or passing sexually transmitted diseases. This is a legitimate reason for insisting on condom use, because no other type of birth control or contraception will protect against sexually transmitted diseases.

This is something you have to ask your partner . Is she afraid of contracting or passing a sexually transmitted disease? If this is the case, you might be able to suggest that you both get tested. If you’re both tested for STD’s and come up clean, she may not ask you to wear a condom anymore.

But I Can’t Climax!

If you’re anxious to get rid of condoms because you’re not able to climax with a condom on, it may be something you need to examine on your own. Most men are able to climax with a condom, so if you are consistently unable to, you may want to try a few new things.

Try using a little lubricant on the inside of the condom, or have lots of foreplay so you’re very close to orgasm before you begin intercourse. You can always get the input of your doctor too.

It’s important that you reach a compromise with your partner. If you are able to switch to birth control and spermicide instead of condoms and birth control, it may solve the problem. If you are able to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and you are both clear, you may be able to engage in sex with your partner without a condom.

Just remember, while it is mostly your partner’s choice, you can always choose not to have sex with your partner. If it is that important to you and you and your partner can’t reach a compromise, you may both be better off going your separate ways. You should know that a condom is as much for your protection as it is hers though!