Her Reaction May Vary

Depending on her personality, she may laugh and give you a hard time or she may drop her jaw in astonishment and gratitude.  You know her.  Go into this prepared.  Don’t expect her to fall all over you panting like a grateful puppy if that isn’t who she is! 

If she hasn’t been able to express her need for help for a number of years, she may not realize how much resentment she has let build up in that time.  Your offer may throw her for a loop, creating a less than best response from her.

Hang in there; she will eventually get on board with your offer.  Maybe even tease you about what’s in this for you!

It may seem like a mundane thing to daydream about, but dream out loud about how this is going to work.  If you pitch in and help her, she will want to be able to count on you.  Think aloud and talk about things like, if you take over doing the dishes, you won’t do them exactly the same way she does. 

Begin negotiating how big a deal that might be on the front end.  It will help relieve tension and increase the likelihood for success in the end.

If there are chores that were once yours but she took them over because it was easier than counting on you to follow through, talk about that. 

Does she need to let you take those chores back and do them when and how you do it or do you need to be regular in your follow through with those chores?  Which chores does she really need done her way and which ones can she truly release to you?

Do not make getting more sex as a reward a part of your negotiations!  That will not feel good to her!  It will make her feel manipulated.

Following Through

Instead, follow through with whatever the two of you decide.  Set it up so that you are both willing to negotiate new plans if the first one you come up with doesn’t work as smoothly as you want.  Give it time to make a difference.

Then, make sure other kinds of tasks do not take the place of the chores she used to do!  Invite her to play, seduce her, and slowly but surely let her know that your life as a couple means a lot to you.  Tell her that nurturing who you are as a couple matters. 

For her that probably includes conversation and doing things together like the chores.  For you that includes sex and doing things together that are more like play.  Communicate these things!

Sharing household chores may seem like a funky way to go about foreplay.  However, foreplay is essentially about drawing her out of her mind, where her worries and “to do” lists predominate, into her body where she can open and be receptive to you!  When you proactively help with chores, a whole bunch of worries and lists get erased, making your lover more accessible for play, intimacy, and making love!  

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