How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship

The Question:

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.

I love sex and I’m sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can’t seem to make an effort to do the wild thing – one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we’re losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I’ve had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.

We do love each other and we’ve been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don’t know what to do about it.

We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I’m scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different – he thinks ‘Let’s have sex?’ is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on…

When we weren’t living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but 3 times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.

Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don’t think I want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it – I don’t know what to do.

The Answer:

You might be surprised to learn that almost all long term relationships go through this ‘phase’ where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and 3 years into the relationship.

Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you…

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Posted On February 7, 2007 · Filed Under Sex Tips & Advice · Tagged With adult dating, break up, couple, couples, date sex, dating advice, dating and relationship questions answered, dating question, Dating Tips & Advice, honesty, intimacy, living together, love, love advice, love relationship, love relationship advice, men, Michael Webb, relationship, Relationship Advice, relationship counseling, relationship dating, relationship help, relationship problem, relationship question, relationship tips, relationships, Romance, romantic, rough sex, S&M, seduction, seductive, sex, sex before marriage, sexy, spice up your sex life, women

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Comment Policy: Keep it positive and on topic. Comments will be promptly deleted if that are 1.) spammy (i.e. keyword like "dating tips" in place of your name, 2.) not related to this article, or 3.) in any way offensive or attacking to anyone. It's OK to disagree but it must be in a respectful and positive manner. Thanks!

SOB Foundation

Since this couple is simply "playing house" and the house is not yet a home, seems they should try concentrating on all of "The Five Love Languages" as depicted in Gary Chapman's book by the same name. If they think love is confined to sexual intercourse, then their relationship is doomed to fail, as it may be anyway as their sex life decreases. As you mother said, after a man is getting all the cows milk free at anytime, he tires of the milk and begins looking for other cows to milk... so why should he buy or engage in your milk? Thus, you are wise to either marry or move-on before one of you winds up pregnant and having a child out-of-wedlock, which seems the popular thing to do amongst ignorant celebrities.
http://societyofbastards.org
http://oneminutemarriage.us

Tammy

SOB... please come out of the early 1900s for a moment. The last part of your comment shows as well as the websites you referenced that you are stuck there at least in terms of social mentality. People have choices now... WOMEN have choices now. And not every kid who grows up in a single parent or a split parent (divorce) household is destined for a life of doom. Technically marriage is only a piece of paper and a list of government benefits. Commitment is what counts and you can hardly measure that with a One Minute Marriage. *insert rolling eyes here*

SOB

You can roll your eyes if you want, but the the kids of these uncommitted relationships are the ones suffering just about like their predecessors back in the 1900s. Not much has changed even though "WOMEN have choices now." Women have always been the one choosing to have children in and out of marriage except in the case of rape. Yes, you have choices, but the choices you are making involving children born out-of-wedlock will rise to haunt you when these children grow to be teens and adults. Unless you are a product of an unmarried couple, I don't understand how you can trivialize the marriage contract and speak about a list of government benefits as if they are worthless to these people. It's about the health and welfare of the child because the vast majority of these children don't know their father nor their father's health history. Soon, DNA will be required of all biological parents to treat the ill patient. Over 1.5 million children were born last year out-of-wedlock. These bastard (15th century term) children are going to grow to be adults and wonder who and what their parents were thinking about when they were conceived. . . certainly not about their child's self-image and worthiness. If our governments wanted to recognize the legacy of these children by simply legitimizing them, then the "One Minute Marriage" would become the law of the land and allow some of these children avoid the legacy of being a bastard forever. By the way, if you don't think having a child out-of-wedlock is a commitment, then "playing house" is just Barbie make believe.

Tammy

I hardly think it's as dire as you make it out to be and that is what I roll my eyes at. Not all kids born outside wedlock don't know their father's history or wonder what their parents were thinking. As I said it's not a sentence of certain doom. Because divorce is to prevalent these days, I don't know of too many who actually think twice when they meet a child. I would think it would actually be WORSE for a child's self-worth to have parents be "One Minute" married at their birth. What's the point?

And speaking of points, what exactly is yours from that last sentence? I never said having a child out of wedlock wasn't a commitment. A commitment though does not have to be a government issued piece of paper... which I can and will define as I see it. It's not that the benefits are worthless, to anyone. But they are just that... government sponsored, sanctioned and issued benefits for couples who sign their names to a piece of paper. Beyond that it is for religions to define and the goverment to stay out of, just like they should any other contract (which is essentially what a marriage is anyway).

SOB

The One Minute Marriage, vis-a-vis, The Legitimate Child Act gives the pregnant couple breathing room to decide how much of a commitment they want to make to the child they've conceived without the stigmaticism of an illegitimate birth. Marriage occurring "One minute" before birth legitimizes that child forever in everyone's eyes. That's the point.
The other point is that those couples "playing house" is liken to the commitment made in playing "Ken and Barbie". . . all pretent and make believe. So you say, well it's their business? Yes, but keep children out of the play house! The WIC welfare program is breaking!

karen

Well ive been in a similar situation if u work on it and speak loud enough for him to hear in words he will understand it helps.
it takes time,patience, energy and most of all love.
I found if u make a plan as a surprise for a romantic nite it will work. make sure ur both not busy though.
and also try something new even if u thought u wouldnt do it even if its like a fantasy of his that u would do. Then just take it in turns from there spice it up a bit.
Truat me it will work!!!!

As it has for me!

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