Want More Sex? Here’s how…

Regardless of what you may think.  Sex happens in the brain.  Our ability to feel desire, the things that turn us on, the things that make us reach climax all happen in the brain. So, if you want more sex, it’s reasonable to assume you should know more about the brain. I’ll give you the primer version.

Our brains are hard wired to respond to perceived threat in ways that will preserve our ability to survive.  These automatic reactions are called “Survival mechanisms”.  Our brain fires off chemicals that provoke us into feelings of fear for our survival.  Then we have biologically programmed ways to react to fear that aid us in surviving whatever it is that is threatening our survival.  You don’t really have a choice about what you are feeling when you perceive yourself to be in a threatening situation.  Your brain takes over.  Our brains are very powerful in affecting how we feel and how we respond. 

You see our brains have been programmed through biology and culture to respond in ways that will insure our survival in primitive situations. Your brain doesn’t really get it that if you perceive your job is being threatened you will not die.  It really feels like you will.  Your brain doesn’t know that if your husband/wife/partner is angry with you and you think they might leave you that you won’t die.  Your brain doesn’t know that when a friend calls your character into question, that you won’t die.  Your brain doesn’t discriminate between actual threat for your survival and emotional threat. 

Our brains are divided into sections.  As we evolved as a species we went from depending on simple functions to the very complex brain that we now have as human beings. Our reptilian ancestors brains comprised of three cleanly defined sections: the front part allows for smell, the middle for vision, and the rear allows us balance and coordination. And those basic survival instincts were cordoned off in a space between the smell and vision sections, a kind of command post with the scientific name of “diencephalon”.  This part of the brain holds our drives for food, our  "fight-or-flight" aggression reactions, and of course, sex.

Our brains further evolved into what is known as the “mammalian” brain when our left and right cerebral hemispheres developed.  More and more circuits had to be added to process the more complex functions of the life and culture of our mammalian ancestors and our brains grew in size.  But we still rely on that command post to assist us in our primary need: survival. This relic of the past fights our evolved brains more flexible reactions and tends to take over when we perceive that we need them.

This very powerful tiny walnut sized part of our brain, set inside our brain stem, is called our “hypothalamus”. It injects our system with electrical stimulus evoking anger, anxiety and acute fear.  Most of the time, we are able to maintain mastery over this part of our brain. But now and again our animal senses tell us that our survival or our well-being is being challenged and that package of survival programs, called “emotions” erupt.

It’s like you have two brains in one body.  Your emotional states that evolved to help you survive; and the other which is ruled by reason.  The old brain; and the new brain in one package: your skull.  

Okay, now, back to sex

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To learn more about Melody Brooke, check out www.ThisIsGreatSex.com.

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Comment Policy: Keep it positive and on topic. Comments will be promptly deleted if that are 1.) spammy (i.e. keyword like "dating tips" in place of your name, 2.) not related to this article, or 3.) in any way offensive or attacking to anyone. It's OK to disagree but it must be in a respectful and positive manner. Thanks!

  • It's true that some women feel attracted to men who are abusive to them in some way or another. This is because their brain is activated in the survival area to link abuse with sex. They may have had early abuse related to sex, either experienced it themselves or witnessed it. This is a representation of their wounding. Men that think this is appropriate behavior are simlilarly wounded. The wounded meets the wounded and they have some "exciting" sexual enocounters until one or the other starts to not feel threatned and the "relationship" ends.

    These people need therapy before they can ever expect to have any kind of healthy intimacy. If they don't care if they ever establish a healthy connection, they can keep right on engaging in tense, heated sexual encounters that have nothing to do with intimacy. Honestly, no criticism is implied... if that's what you want, go for it!

    Safety and connection are what is required for long lasting intense sexul intimacy.
  • Danny
    all i gotta tell you my friend you did come up with pretty tight title in netscape to get pr9 link for a while.. enjoy the link
    btw i didnt catch anything after the start..
  • Anders
    Jason, you made my day.
  • mike
    Good comments. Just try to make sure you are very sexually compatible before marriage. If not then it won't work. Both partners needs emotionally must be met. Not just hers. Everytime I see an article with the phrase "meeting emotional needs", I cringe. If she's upset or ticked off I can see a woman not wanting to. But it's evolved into a childish game played by women. If she doesn't get her way, then she holds out. Guess what? Men have emotional needs to. No, you don't meet them as much as you think. But when we really don't feel like it and you do, we do for your sake. (True man secret) It's supposed to be an enjoyable experience between people. Not she didn't get her way, so now she holds out. (Sometimes acceptable, not all the time) Just give the ground rules up front to avoid confusion. Stop giving it up often and I'm gone. Strange we live in a society where women turn their partners down all the time, and it is considered normal. A man turns her down and all the sudden he's cheating, or he's implying she's getting overweight.
  • Jesse Thurlow
    Without seeing the authors name, how did I know a woman wrote this artical?

    Aside from that, the logic is not there (poor logical skills are not uniquely a womans domain, why I alone have enough logical deficit for several people). Lots of good information, though.

    Jesse
  • Jason
    um, one way to get more sex is to avoid partners who utter the phrase "I don't believe in evolution." Why? Well, wouldn't it follow that, on average, these people are also more likely to say "I don't believe in sex before marriage" and once married, state "I don't believe in sex unless its for procreation."

    So why are these people reading this article?

    As far as the article itself, I think it is yet another way for women to coerce men into giving in. C'mon, "be concerned about what your partner is feeling?!" IF you partner is a man, he is feeling horny, that is what he is concerned about.

    Ladies, give it up all the time. That is how men express closeness.
  • RR
    Why is it that when the "creation people" hear the word evolve, they automatically tune out? Wheter or not you believe in Macro-evolution (the type of evolution Darwin talks about as the creation of man), Micro-evolution is scientific fact and is fully accepted by ALL science, even the christian science.
    Micro-evolution, in the case of humans, is basically how the human body changes as its needs change over generations. Why do we no longer need our spleen? Why does the human race become taller as time goes on? It's evolution, micro-evolution, but evolution none-the-less.
    What's the lesson here? Even if you don't believe in the full Darwinian definition of human evolution, don't automatically tune out and discredit something because it uses the term evolve.
  • Mental
    Unfortunately Dan & Jennifer , nobody wants to hear the truth . Your Article makes total sense , everyone with a brain knows especially for women sex is mental , but when you are dealing with people that don't believe in science and truth , your beating your head against a block wall , then you have macho men that want to believe that women want to be beat up before they have sex , I suppose he thinks we like to be raped too . Anyone that doesn't believe in some kind of evolution is just plain ignorant , look around people, it's real . I enjoyed your article , I got it , and I agree .
  • Craig H.
    this article is okay, but the third paragraph sounds really dumb, for lack of a better word. if you're going to lose your job, your brain thinks you're going to die? no, not really. the feeling you get when you're about to lose your job is nothing at all like the feeling you get when you think your life is in danger. the feelings you get in any of the situations you mentioned in that paragraph aren't at all the same as the feelings you get when your life seems to be in danger. have you ever had a friend question your character? have you ever had a gun pulled on you? not the same feeling, believe you me.
  • flavio
    Hmmm, I agree with Dave Chapelle. Women get too much sex advice from other women, "...and they don't know what they're talking about."

    My experience has been that women are pretty much the same as men. They get tired of something, toss it aside and move on to the next thing. If anything, safety and comfort are a turn-off to women. Making a woman feel safe and respected makes her think that you aren't a man. I wish I could say otherwise, but the women I've known and dated pretty much all want a guy to treat her badly, they find that sexually exciting. Serious, I wish I was kidding. Women lie, cheat and abuse just as much as men, for the same reasons, and in the same ways.
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