But the truth is that “humming to our own music” is a more purposeful activity than we may like to own up to. Drawings of men and women engaged in sex are among the earliest and most prevalent art to adorn the walls of caves.

The first writings on sex can be traced to ancient Chinese and Indian cultures, and the public areas of Greek and Roman cities often contained art work depicting copulation, oral sex, and self pleasure.

It’s a good bet that our ancestors were using that art work and those writings to enhance not only their sex lives with partners, but also their solo sex. And based on the current market demand for erotica and porn, it’s likely that many of us today rely on sexy stories, photos, and videos to make our private time more enjoyable.

In fact, if the e-mail and blog comments I receive are any indication, I’m pretty sure that most readers of my stories and books are of the one-handed variety.

Bottom line

Most researchers and therapists view masturbation as a common and natural activity. If we’re going to do it, why not enjoy it to the fullest? If a hot story or a sexy book produces warm and fuzzies down below or indulges a particular fantasy, why not go with it?

Masturbation doesn’t need to be shameful or guilt-ridden, it can be a celebration of our singular sexuality, purposefully undertaken and augmented with erotica we love.

Doing it Without My Partner

A question that often arises is whether it’s harmful to a relationship when one or both partners masturbate in isolation to “dirty stories.” The concern is that solo masturbation, with or without the aid of erotica, is a form of “cheating,” and we all know how damaging that can be to a relationship.

But most researchers agree that couples should not be troubled by masturbation in a relationship so long as (1) it doesn’t take the place of sex between partners; and (2) neither partner’s self esteem is lowered by the other partner’s self enjoyment.

Remember Janie, Nathan, and Katie from the beginning of this article? Janie played with herself to the accompaniment of the bookmarked sections of her favorite e-book, when she was on the road and away from boyfriends.

Nathan indulged a fantasy his wife had little interest in, but it didn’t lessen his attraction to his wife. And Katie used erotica and masturbation to supplement her sex life with her husband.

It’s hard to see how anyone’s relationship was damaged.

Bottom Line: Open communication with your spouse or partner is always the best route. Talk about your sexual desires and fantasies. Come to an understanding about what both of you need, keeping in mind that sex is a mystery and that each person’s desires are valid and unique.  

To learn more about Alicia Night Orchid, visit www.ANightOrchid.com.

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