Satisfaction or Frustration - How Would You Describe Your Sex Life?
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A while back I sat with a beautiful older woman who had been struggling with depression for most of her life. She and her husband have been married close to 40 years, and their relationship has become distant, though they still report to love each other.
I was shocked to learn that in 40 years she had never experienced a climax with her husband. She didnāt even know what it was until her body did it spontaneously during a dream.
My grandmother was 65 before she had ever experienced one either. She had been married to my grandfather for 50 years. After he died a man she had known in high school contacted her and eventually they married. Only then, at 65 did she discover what sex was all about. That was 20 years ago.
I foolishly have thought that women today are not in that same boat; that with all the sexual education there is out there today, women couldnāt possibly not know about climaxing. Obviously, I was wrong. As I sat looking at my client who had opened up about this for the first time in her life I realized that there must be other women out there like her. I am sure she is not the only one.
It would be easy to blame the husbands for not being sensitive to their wives needs, but that would be wrong. The reality is that these men know as little about sex as their wives. I cannot imagine that men who love their wives would knowingly not want their wives to enjoy their sexual relationship. But they are obviously unaware of what is happening with their wives and have never really enjoyed true physical intimacy with their partner. How terribly sad this is for both partners.
Society teaches men that they are supposed to somehow innately know how to please their wives, and that if they donāt, they are not real men. How many men out there donāt even know that they donāt know? Men, believing that they should know, are forced to act as if they know. Women without any awareness of sexuality or their own bodies donāt know what or how to tell their man any different.
Talking about sex, whether you are a man or a woman is touchy. How do you tell your husband, āHoney I love you but the sex is terrible.ā
How do you tell your wife, āI donāt know if I am pleasing you.ā
Both situations leave us feeling inadequate and fearful. But if we donāt find a way to breach the subject we run the risk of living 40 or 50 years without the joy of true sexual intimacy.
If you are a husband and havenāt talked with your wife about her sexual satisfaction, you are… Continued on next page >>
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Great post, love the title, came here via Digg. I think the key is to start the conversation about the activities in the bedroom way before you enter the bedroom, and not just about sex.
As wide spread as this problem is, it’s surprising that people still don’t discuss it much.