The Question: I recently broke up with my boyfriend and father of my 2 year old daughter. I’m 35 and he’s 28. He is now seeing a 22 year old girl for the use of her truck – I believe. He says that he still loves me (maybe just for the sex) and we have continued to have sex since breaking up. He is, however, very irresponsible in a relationship. The sex is great between us and I have a hard time turning him down because I do still love him. I think that I may want him back because I can’t stand to see him with someone else or to think that he is sleeping with another person.

Should I stay with him just for the sex? Or should I make him make a choice of getting no sex unless he’s willing to make the relationship work between us? What should I do?  

The Answer: Our answer to this question may seem controversial to some, but here goes… 

What is a relationship?

A relationship can be defined as "a state of connectedness between people". Because of the fact that the two of you have a child together, you will always have a parental relationship and parental responsibilities. The choice that each of you have to make is what type of relationship you want in addition to being the parents of your daughter.

Here are just a few ideas:

An intimate relationship is a relationship with a great deal of physical and/or emotional intimacy – romantic or passionate love and attachment with or without sex.

A casual relationship (sometimes referred to as "friends with benefits") is the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting a more formal relationship as a goal.

Friendship, is a relationship that results when two people have found a common ground and consists of mutual love, trust, respect, and unconditional acceptance of one another.  

I recommend that the two of you have a heart to heart, open and honest discussion about what you both want and are willing to accept around your relationship as adults and your relationship as parents.

It is critical to check your ego at the door.

We have been known to use a code word or a physical object to use as a flag when someone’s ego starts flaring up. Once that happens, any intelligent conversation is over. If someone’s ego takes over the conversation (you’ll know when this happens by tone and number of snipes the other person starts making), take a 15 minute break in separate rooms to allow yourselves to cool down. And then resume the conversation.

A brief discussion on jealousy.

Jealousy can be defined as "a boundary-setting custom developed for limiting sexual access to those relationships that a group defines as important." It’s that feeling of fear, suspicion, or envy over something you perceive as your possession.

I’m going to get on my soap box for a moment here…

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