Regardless of your personal reasons for choosing sexual abstinence, you really need to talk with your partner about what is and is not OK. The boundaries are different for everyone.

What IS Sexual Abstinence?

Here’s an excellent definition from SmarterSex.org

Sexual abstinence is a choice to refrain from sexual activity. This choice is usually made for a specific reason. The reason may be moral, religious, legal, or for health and safety.

Read this question from a desperate young man who’s wondering how he can ignite the passion in his relationship – without actually having sex…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over two years now, and we have decided to refrain from sex until marriage.

The lack of sex isn’t a problem like I said, but the main problem we are facing is a lack of intimacy. For example, we haven’t really ever made out or fooled around. We started to make out once but then all of a sudden – like something clicked in her head – she stopped abruptly.

Since then I have tried a few more times to make a move to make out with her, but every time she just seems to have a defense mechanism. I was wondering if you have any advice for me to be able to overcome this hurdle, or if you have some tips for us to try and make our relationship be more intimate without sex. Any advice you have will be greatly appreciated.

– Dan, Michigan

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Intimacy Without Sex 

Given that you’ve agreed not to have sex, is it possible to still have sexual intimacy?

Again, that depends on how you define intimacy. Is it cuddling on the sofa, or is it giving and receiving oral sex? As you can see those are two very opposite extremes. We like to think that intimacy is a shared closeness rather than a sexual activity, but that does not have to be your definition.

Intimacy is one of those words that has different meanings for different people. That’s why it’s critical to talk to each other and find meanings and boundaries that you’re both comfortable with. This is not about anyone else and is completely between the two of you.

You see, to some, kissing is the highest form of intimacy and to others ‘getting intimate’ means sexual intercourse.

It’s time to get down to details…

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