3. Lack of communication

Many couples find it very difficult to communicate with one another about their sexual needs or preferences and this is not only a leading contributor to her sexual needs going unmet, but the quality of the relationship overall.

A lot of women are uncomfortable or embarrassed to talk about their sexual needs. Sometimes they are afraid that their lover may perceive them as loose, easy or unlady like.  Our society gives women a double message when it comes to sex, on one hand she’s supposed to be a hot little tiger in the sack, yet on the other hand she’s supposed to be pure and virgin like. 

This creates an ideal that is impossible to live up to and creates a lot of inner conflict.  Women need to know it’s okay to talk openly about what they need and men need to encourage them to do so with a non-judgmental, open and accepting attitude.

Sometimes the problem is that she doesn’t know how to express her needs to her lover. Both partners need to speak openly, directly and honestly.

Couples should be specific and detailed about things like where and how they need touched, how much pressure and speed is needed with each technique and what is the best timing. Share freely information about what techniques and positions are most pleasurable for you.

When something isn’t working or he is not meeting her needs, then she needs to speak up and let her lover know.  Don’t suffer in silence.

If saying the words out loud is too uncomfortable, then guide him with your hands.  Put his hands, mouth or hips where you need them to be and illustrate. Better yet, show him with your own hands. He’ll not only learn how to satisfy you better, but he’ll also be extremely turned on. 

Men, you need to ask your woman what she needs.  Don’t assume that everything is okay even if she doesn’t say anything. 

Ask her what feels good, check in with her when you’re performing a technique and make sure it’s pleasurable. Ask her specific questions like, does that feel good, do you like to be touched here, is that too soft or too hard, how does that feel.

There is not a one size fits all sexual technique for women. Each woman is unique and what is pleasurable for one woman may not be the case for another woman. Get to know your woman.

Sometimes I hear that women try and tell their lover that they are not as satisfied as they would like to be sexually, but he doesn’t really hear them or they are met with resistance or indifference.  He sometimes gets angry, doesn’t take her seriously or dismisses it as not important. He feels threatened or inadequate and becomes defensive. 

When this happens, then she shuts down and stops trying, eventually she grows resentful and your whole relationships suffers. If your woman tries to communicate her sexual needs to you, it is not a criticism of you, your manhood or your sexual skill. Don’t take it personally. 

She’s trying to teach you about her body and sharing herself with you on the deepest level possible. She’s opening herself up to you and allowing herself to be vulnerable in the most ultimate sense. It is an honor that should be cherished. Take it as an opportunity to grow closer to your woman, enhance your relationship, learn and become a better lover.  

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