Having sex for the first time with a new partner is always an exercise in silent negotiation.

Issues such as who will take the dominant role or when the undressing will begin abound and are often worked out using body language, eye contact, and other non-verbal communication cues.

Although these stealthy tools are enough to successfully answer most of the questions that arise during those initial moments of sexual bliss, the issue of contraception is not and should not be one of them.

Don’t Rely on Your Partner to “Take Care Of” Contraception

Unfortunately many women still rely on the man to bring a condom, and many men still rely on the woman to be “on the pill.” Obviously this can lead to a very unfortunate situation in which he doesn’t have a condom and she in not taking an oral contraceptive, leaving them with the choice of either not having sex at all, or having unprotected sex.

Both of these options are bad, and more often than not couples will choose to have sex anyway. This decision not only increases their chances of an unwanted pregnancy, but also of acquiring an unwanted sexually transmitted infection such as HIV or herpes. (Remember condoms should not only be used to prevent pregnancy but to prevent the spread of STD’s as well!)

The easiest way to avoid having to make such a hormonally charged decision is for both partners to take equal responsibility for having a condom on their person – be it in a pocket, a purse, a sock, where ever. Even though it’s the man who wears it, the woman gets just as many benefits from its use, and she should feel comfortable taking the initiative to safeguard her own health and well being. In fact some condom companies are marketing male condoms directly to women by using sexy packaging and imagery in order to promote this healthy habit.

Oral contraceptives do not prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections and should not be the only form of protection used between new lovers. It’s also important to remember that many women rightfully refuse to use oral contraceptives because of the negative side effects they experience while taking them or because of other health concerns. (For example women with a familial history of strokes are advised not to use oral contraceptives).

An even greater number of women discontinue using “the pill” during periods of prolonged abstinence – such as between relationships. So even if she has used oral contraceptives with her past lovers, there’s a good chance that she is not currently using them if this is your first time having sex with each other! Never assume a woman is using an oral contraceptive. If you are unsure, ask her. If you are both ready to have sex, then you should be able to have an honest conversation about contraception.

SHE Should Not Be the Only One Deciding IF Contraception Will Be Used

Another very common, and I think disturbing, trend is…

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